Canto I. Long ago and far away...

Under the bridge across the Kankakee River, Grampa found me. I was busted for truancy. First grade. 1946.

Summer and after school: Paper route, neighborhood yard work, dogsbody in a drugstore, measuring houses for the county, fireman EJ&E railroad, janitor and bottling line Pabst Brewery Peoria. 1952-1962.

Fresh caught Mississippi River catfish. Muddy Yummy. Burlington, Iowa. 1959. Best ever.

In college, Fr. ***** usually confused me with my roommate, Al. Except for grades. St. Procopius College, 1958-62. Rats.

Coming home from college for Christmas. Oops, my family moved a few streets over and forgot to tell me. Peoria, 1961.

The Pabst Brewery lunchroom in Peoria, a little after dawn, my first day. A guy came in and said: "Who wants my horsecock sandwich? ****, this first beer tastes good." We never knew how many he drank. 1962.

At grad school, when we moved into the basement with the octopus furnace, Dave, my roommate, contributed a case of Chef Boyardee spaghettios and I brought 3 cases of beer, PBRs.  Supper for a month. Ames. 1962.

Sharon and I were making out in the afternoon, clothes a jumble. Walter Cronkite said, " President Kennedy has been shot…”. Ames, 1963.

I stood in line, in my shorts, waiting for the clap-check. The corporal shouted:  "All right, you *******, Uncle and the Republic of Viet Nam want your sorry *****. Drop 'em".  Des Moines. Deferred, 1964.

Married and living in student housing. Packing crate furniture. Pammel Court, 1966.

One of many undistinguished PhD theses on theoretical physics. Ames. 1967.

He electrified the room. Every woman in the room, regardless of age, wanted him, or seemed to. The atmosphere was primeval and dripping with desire. In the presence of greatness. Palo Alto, 1968.

US science jobs dried up. From a mountain-top, beery conversation, I got a research job in Germany. Boulder, 1968. Aachen, 1969.

The first time I saw automatic weapons at an airport. Geneva, 1970.

I toasted Rembrandt with sparkling wine at the Rijksmuseum. He said nothing. Amsterdam International Conference on Elementary Particles. 1971.

A little drunk, but sobering fast: the guard had Khrushchev teeth.
Midnight, alone, locked in a room at the border.
Hours later, release. East Berlin, 1973. Harrassment.

She said, "You know it's remarkable that we're not having an affair." No, it wasn't. George's wife.  Germany, 1973.

"Maybe there really are quarks, but if so, we'll never see them." Truer than I knew.  Exit to Huntsville, 1974.

On my first day at work, my first federal felony. As a joke, I impersonated an FBI agent. What the hell? Huntsville. 1974. Guess what?-- No witnesses left! 2021.

Hard work, good times, difficult times. The first years in Huntsville are not fully digested and may stay that way.

The golden Lord Buddha radiated peace with his smile. Pop, pop. Shots in the distance. Bangkok. 1992.

Accomplishment at work, discord at home. Divorce. Huntsville. 1994. I got the dogs.

New beginnings, a fresh start, true love and life-partner. Huntsville. 1995.

Canto II. In the present century...

Should be working on a proposal, but riveted to the TV. The day the towers fell and nearly 4000 people perished. September 11, 2001.

I started painting. Old barns and such. 2004.

We bet on how many dead bodies we would see. None, but lots of flip-flops and a sheep. Secrets of the Yangtze. 2004

I quietly admired a Rembrandt portrait at the Schiphol airport. Ever inscrutable, his painting had presence, even as the bomb dogs sniffed by. Beagles. 2006.

I’ve lost two close friends that I’ve known for 50-odd years. There aren’t many more. Huntsville. 2008 and 2011.

Here's some career advice: On your desk, keep a coffee cup marked, "No Whining", that side out. Third and final retirement. 2015.

I occasionally kick myself for not staying with physics—I’m jealous of friends that did. I moved on, but stayed interested. Continuing.

I’m eighty years old and walk like a duck. 2021.

Letter: "Your insurance has lapsed but for $60,000, it can be reinstated provided you are alive when we receive the premium." Life at 81. Huntsville, 2022.

Canto III: Coda

Honest distortions emerging from the distance of time. The thin comfort of fading memories. Thoughts on poor decisions and worse outcomes. Not often, but every now and then.

(Begun May 2016)

They said he was always a hothead,
As a kid he’d scream and shout,
He got so bad, made his mother mad
That his father locked him out.
He couldn’t get in at the windows,
So wandered all night round the farm,
And by the time that his folks were fine
The kid had set fire to the barn.

On the day he got out of Borstal
He was just turned seventeen,
And the Warder James said, ‘Listen Ames,
Better keep your fingers clean!
There isn’t a future in anger,
And less of a future in crime,
So keep your head, though your hair is red
Or you’ll be back, doing time!’

But any advice flew over his head
And headed on out to the stars,
For soon young Ames was making his name
Hanging in clubs and bars.
He never went home to his parents
For which they would say, ‘Thank God!
He got his genes from his Grandma Steenes,
And she was distinctly odd!’

He had a passion for fire, would sit
For hours, and stare at the flames,
They said his eyes would be hypnotised
When playing his thermal games.
He’d light a match in a pile of thatch,
In a wood or a field of gorse,
Then watch the firemen put it out,
Well hidden away, of course.

They wouldn’t take him as a fireman,
They said he was up to his tricks
When they saw him next to the fire house
Lighting up piles of sticks,
Then Sheriff Bruce said he had no use
For a hothead in his town,
And put the word on the street; he heard
They were going to hunt him down.

So he hid in the Church’s belfry,
And up in the Town Hall clock,
Then sit and fume in that tiny room
Til he finally ran amok,
He broke in just about midnight
According to Fireman Tuck,
Who’d come from his farm, and raised the alarm
‘He’s stolen the Fire Truck!’

Then fires broke out in the woodlands,
And fires sprang up in the town,
While the chief said, ‘Look for a big red truck,
It must be somewhere around.’
They called out the local constabulary,
They called out the National Guard,
And orders came from the top to say,
‘Go out, and hit him hard!’

They cornered Ames in a one-way street
Where he couldn’t turn it around,
So he climbed on up to the top of the truck
And they finally gunned him down.
The coroner ordered an autopsy
On the body of Hothead Ames,
As the circular saw dropped his skull to the floor,
His brain burst into flames!

David Lewis Paget

.
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James ComeyJam es Comey James
James Comey Jam  es Comey Jame
  James Comey         James Comey
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Quién hubiera creído que se hallaba
sola en el aire, oculta,
tu mirada.
Quién hubiera creído esa terrible
ocasión de nacer puesta al alcance
de mi suerte y mis ojos,
y que tú y yo iríamos, despojados
de todo bien, de todo mal, de todo,
a aherrojarnos en el mismo silencio,
a inclinarnos sobre la misma fuente
para vernos y vernos
mutuamente espiados en el fondo,
temblando desde el agua,
descubriendo, pretendiendo alcanzar
quién eras tú detrás de esa cortina,
quién era yo detrás de mí.
Y todavía no hemos visto nada.
Espero que alguien venga, inexorable,
siempre temo y espero,
y acabe por nombrarnos en un signo,
por situarnos en alguna estación
por dejarnos allí, como dos gritos
de asombro.
Pero nunca será. Tú no eres ésa,
yo no soy ése, ésos, los que fuimos
antes de ser nosotros.
Eras sí pero ahora
suenas un poco a mí.
Era sí pero ahora
vengo un poco a ti.
No demasiado, solamente un toque,
acaso un leve rasgo familiar,
pero que fuerce a todos a abarcarnos
a ti y a mí cuando nos piensen solos.Hemos llegado al crepúsculo neutro
donde el día y la noche se funden y se igualan.
Nadie podrá olvidar este descanso.
Pasa sobre mis párpados el cielo fácil
a dejarme los ojos vacíos de ciudad.
No pienses ahora en el tiempo de agujas,
en el tiempo de pobres desesperaciones.
Ahora sólo existe el anhelo desnudo,
el sol que se desprende de sus nubes de llanto,
tu rostro que se interna noche adentro
hasta sólo ser voz y rumor de sonrisa.Puedes querer el alba
cuando ames.
Puedes
venir a reclamarte como eras.
He conservado intacto tu paisaje.
Lo dejaré en tus manos
cuando éstas lleguen, como siempre,
anunciándote.
Puedes
venir a reclamarte como eras.
Aunque ya no seas tú.
Aunque mi voz te espere
sola en su azar
quemando
y tu dueño sea eso y mucho más.
Puedes amar el alba
cuando quieras.
Mi soledad ha aprendido a ostentarte.
Esta noche, otra noche
tú estarás
y volverá a gemir el tiempo giratorio
y los labios dirán
esta paz ahora esta paz ahora.
Ahora puedes venir a reclamarte,
penetrar en tus sábanas de alegre angustia,
reconocer tu tibio corazón sin excusas,
los cuadros persuadidos,
saberte aquí.
Habrá para vivir cualquier huida
y el momento de la espuma y el sol
que aquí permanecieron.
Habrá para aprender otra piedad
y el momento del sueño y el amor
que aquí permanecieron.
Esta noche, otra noche
tú estarás,
tibia estarás al alcance de mis ojos,
lejos ya de la ausencia que no nos pertenece.
He conservado intacto tu paisaje
pero no sé hasta dónde está intacto sin ti,
sin que tú le prometas horizontes de niebla,
sin que tú le reclames su ventana de arena.
Puedes querer el alba cuando ames.
Debes venir a reclamarte como eras.
Aunque ya no seas tú,
aunque contigo traigas
dolor y otros milagros.
Aunque seas otro rostro
de tu cielo hacia mí.

I'm going to write this poem how I talk in real life so... don't judge how I talk!

T-The S-shy One
T-The S-Skid-dish One
Th-Those are m-my nickna-ames
E-Everyone s-says that I-I'm j-just like H-Hoodie from C-Creepypasta
Oo
W-Which I am
B-Because h-he stammers t-too
L-Look him u-up

E-Everyday I'm l-limping down the h-hallway because m-my foot is b-bad and I h-hear:
"There she goes!"
"What's up with the limp?"
"Hey! Hoodie! I have cheesecake!"
S-Seriously
E-Everyone knows a-about C-Creepypasta
M-My best friend is C-Crystal
S-She is my M-Masky
W-We both <3 ch-cheesecake

O-Or I could b-be Canada
Fr-om H-Hetalia
Hetalia i-s an anime o-on Netflix
So yeah that happened Oo

Decir:
te extrañé  te quiero  chulo
no será suficiente

decir:
eres mar que inunda mis espacios
el beso del tiempo suspendido

no será suficiente

ser:
la musa azul  ******  la altar
y todas las demas musas
a su vez o por separado
no será suficiente

no importa cuanto lo ames
siempre tendrá una historia alterna donde sufra

nunca te enamores de un poeta
por más amor que des       provoques

tiene prohibida la palabra amor
esos putos no saben amar
                                   le dirán nada a tanto
                                                          *y tanto a sus putas
ausencias.

No tenemos que ser iguales,
solo respetarnos como tales,
amarnos iguales, y permíteme explicarte.

No preciso que me ames como te amo,
pero, preciso que me AMES!
Que te entregues a plena,
que me ames sin reservas,
que me extrañez aun cuando a tu costado me tengas,
que necesites mi roce,
que en mis besos siempre encuentres goce.
que me mires y te asombres
de que estamos juntos,
amando nuestras diferencias,
amándonos sin prejuicios,
amándonos en libertad y
amándonos con sinceridad
amando nuestras debilidades..
diferentes, pero, igual,
siempre amándonos...
****************­*****
We don't have to be the same,
just respect me as such.
Love the same way, but, please let me explain,
You don’t need to love me the way I love you
But, you must LOVE me as well!

You need to fully surrender,
love me without reservation,
miss me even if I’m beside you,
you must need my friction,
bask in my kisses
and in them always find enjoyment.

You must look at me with reverence and amazement,
marvel at the fact that we are together,
loving our differences,
loving US without prejudice,
loving us in our freedom,
and loving us sincerely,
loving our weaknesses...
and yes, differently, but equally, always loving...

LeydisProse
10/11/2017
https://www.facebook.com/LeydisProse/

por que me dices que me quieres
ya cuando no me tienes enfrente de ti.
Hasta cuando sera el dia
que te escuche pronunciar esas dos palabras
en mi cara.
Hasta cuando existirá tal reciprocidad?
Que valor tiene mi persona
al entrañar semejantes sensaciones.
Hasta ahora he osado
en preguntarme
a donde chingados
me estoy dirigiendo?
Por que la pesada tristeza
y la pirámide de depresión?
Por que este dolor no me deja
en paz?
No es patética mi forma de ser?
Al dejar que un "problema" tan
estúpido
me provoque matar
o matarme
me duele el pecho de verdad
al pensar que me quieres a tu lado
cuando te has ido.
me duele el estomago al pensar
las mas de 7 veces que me rompiste
el corazón.
Me destruiste, me frustraste.
Nauseas y ansias,
fueron lo que me regalaste.
me rompiste a la mitad.
y a veces siento que no te importa.
Ni una pizca de importancia.
Solo te importas tu, tu y tu.
y tus propias grietas
tu umbral del dolor
la mano que has dejado ir.
el maldito lazo que te une
de por vida
al oscuro y persistente
reflejo en carne
del pasado.
sonríes cuando
tu verdugo
blande la guadaña
sobre tu corazón.
Simplemente me esta matando
que lo ames a el
tanto como te amo yo.
y el pobre enfermo que se llevara el premio mayor.
Quieres dejarme atrás.

i was in a pub once, talking to a friend, among other things,
the european union came up, i said: i can understand an economic union,
so that economic migrants are no more, i rather like talking polish after all,
but a political union, with so many contrasts?!
that'll never work. then i hear the news,
and the heavy burden of saying things before they happen;
and unlike the insinuations between philosophy
and conversation, with that one mundane origin
of philosophy known as dialectics,
i find writing necessary in prophesying,
indispensable you might add -
when governing to say: the old roman said to the
new roman: the old member boarders want inclusion,
they want the slavs gone, the dream to unfold by their
terms from carthage! i want carthage gone, erased,
gone from the dream of unification, but there's
carthage dictating to the old frail rome known as the vatican!
no! carthago delenda est!
but no, they are replicating a deletion of the past -
russia predates them in propaganda as necessarily
nibbling and knitting so that, as i might add -
old bulgars and roma will testify in fright to the yugoslav -
why such northern expansions?! the whole revelatory book said
concisely enough to market a roman revival as was first insured by
pestering russia with that famous abnormal foetus collection
of peter the great, who was the sole saint in petersburg -
saint built a city! saint built a city! how can francis assisi ever compete
to sainthood by merely talking to sparrows and squirrels
when peter the great built a city?!
well, carthage moved to raqqa - that's how!
or spot me distancing myself from the bookworm moth
philosophies of the library with shush rather than: two for 'un yer bananas!
i am that i am said: it is what it is, a god speaking of the creation,
but then the interaction within it is what it is -
the predation of all ideas and associations, a single noun, moses.
so i am that i am said inside it is what it is to
a noun who had no cartesian relevant past  in terms of
refraining from swish buckle cat's in high-heels and tutu - ***** up! you
break a spine introducing me, forget the family and the child,
you me, we encounter the world changed -
what i said prior: it is what it is will become it is what it's not really.
hence enter the philosophical lexicon: reality... perception...
bulls buckling against *******... enter moses the grand oration
of this famous dusty lexicon bettered. bettered? no really,
just us the same monkey flashback drunk with barbers and better beards -
maldives under the armpits!
i tell you, there are two kinds of world spirit like that quote
about hegel on foot and napoleon on hoof -
one spirit of the world is shrouded with, is cloaked in philosophies,
in thoughts, in the oughts and the morals of DON'T DO!
the other spirit of the world - filled with musketeers and other
pawn shrapnel - expendable creatures to conform to the dictatorial ditto:
napoleon said: marshal ames said: general maccabee said:
lieutenant general nadim said: major general eban said:
major general saburo said: brigadier taavi said: colonel yakov said:
the rest were man of cadet worth with fancy pink ribbons to sport
the wide mouthed bartender of shell-shock and etc.
those are the two spirits, while in the second realm
we have the false prophets governing - with the residing "god" as devil,
but imagine fooling a false prophet from this realm, e.g. jesus to
descend, what would the devil think?! oh ****, 2d!
so a third realm reveals itself - the pseudo edenic ****** ciphered
in the koran disappear, and we salvage ourselves by not imagining
eternal sundays, eternal idleness in such with such a realm: ***** ***** frisk frisk, lubricant;
what, a ****, eternity, as dictated by the kingdom and the koranic gardens;
peasants' eternal fill, no lion, the witch and the wardrobe in sight -
no valhalla! boring! (insert family fortunes' buzzer of x).
i want to be as worthy as a tree to rejuvenate each day after slaughtering
hel's and loci's spawn!

Under the eternal lime,
In the shade of Woolley and Ames,
Grows a patch of hallowed turf
Where more’s at stake than simple games.

Bowling on despite the wet -
You never did mind a sticky wicket -
Undeterred by rat-a-tat
Of leather-on-willow, it was met
By pained cries.

Then you enlisted, weapon under arm,
To guard our stumps…
An explosion of noise.

Out.

my mother sees purple
because purple lives on her flesh.

she has stains
from shoulders down.
they scatter across her back
like pressed grapes.
the juice squeezed out of them
to create a rich man’s wine.
they wrap around her legs
like grape vines.
pulling her closer to the ground
with each step.

she hides them.
when men approach her
she says
“quiero que me ames.
my body has rejected me
and even in the womb
i was mutating.”

the men love her face.
she is a woman who does not age.
they say to her
“tu eres morada.
to love yourself you must
accept the color.”
so they have all added
new shades of purple
to her body.

i think that is why
my favorite eyeshadow color
is purple.

Podés querer el alba
cuando quieras
he conservado intacto
tu paisaje
podés querer el alba
cuando ames
venir a reclamarte
como eras

aunque ya no seas vos
aunque mi amor te espere
quemándose en tu azar
y tu sueño sea eso
y mucho más

esta noche otra noche
aquí estarás
y cuando gima el tiempo
giratorio
en esta paz ahora
dirás
quiero esta paz

ahora podés venir a reclamarte
penetrar en tu noche
de alegre angustia
reconocer tu tibio
corazón sin excusas
los cuadros
las paredes
saberte aquí

he conservado intacto
tu paisaje
pero no sé hasta dónde
está intacto sin vos
podés querer el alba
cuando quieras
venir a reclamarte
como eras
aunque el pasado sea
despiadado
y hostil

aunque contigo traigas
dolor y otros milagros
aunque seas otro rostro
de tu cielo hacia mí.

I’m so sorry, Mrs. Ames.
You saw potential in me that
I didn’t know I had
And found the means to free me
From the cage of my upbringing
And launch me towards
The chance of greatness.  

I apologize, because I could not
Break the shackles of my Mother’s ire.
I set my goal to prove her wrong,
Searching in too many alleys,
Looking for a brighter light.

I know I let you down, Mrs. Ames;
I had a chance to climb a step or two-
But that ended up as not enough
And sideways seemed a better bet.

I was permanently wrong.
I live among the ruins I created,
Grieving for the hearts I  wounded,
Knowing I have no more time
To try to make things right
                 ljm

The world may end tomorrow  but  tonight will  not
you keep shifting and kicking and snorting and  if  I
could see  in  the dark I might confirm it  is you  and
not  that  thing in the attic that  I saw earlier  the one
of the three lying flat on its belly with the elongated
snout and tusks,  I know I don’t see very well  and I
need to be  fitted  for  glasses   so  I  tell  myself  that
what I see is bigger  than what you see  I  believe its
called an  “Ames  Room”  an   optical   illusion   that
makes a big person small  and a small person big its
just the  angle  of the view  so maybe  what  I  see  is
what  you see  just bigger  and in fact your view just
recently   changed    when    you     started   wearing
prescription  glasses  remember  the day you picked
them  up   you  backed   your  car   into  another  car
another  trick  of  "angulated" vision  I  suppose  but
vision  isn’t  my  main  concern  right  now   I  mean
partially  but  more  important  I  wish  your  noises
would  cease  being   noises   and  sound  more   like
breathing so I might see that you are still you  in the
creeping light of dawn and smile and close my eyes
and rest for maybe 30 minutes more before  its  time
to rise and make the coffee.

¿Es verdad que te gusta verte hundida
en el mar de la música; dejarte
llevar por esas alas, abismarte
en esa luz tan honda y escondida?
Si no es así, no ames más; dame tu vida,
que ella es la esencia y el clamor del arte;
herida estás de Dios de parte a parte,
y yo quiero escuchar solo esa herida.
Mares, alas, intensas luces libres,
sonarán en mi alma cuando vibres,
ciega de amor, tañida entre mis brazos.
Y yo sabré la música ardorosa
de unas alas de Dios, de una luz rosa,
de un mar total con olas como abrazos.

Caminen a mi lado

Desenvuélvanse conmigo

Abran su ojos y observen a su alrededor

Sientan como me brotan las palabras del pecho

Ustedes me hacen feliz

Me hacen sentir humana

Hay cosas que a veces dañan

Pero siempre existe un alma que llega y repara

Y no solo hablo de una

Sino de todas



Hablo de las personas sencillas

Las que se detienen a oler las flores

Las personas que aman a los demás a veces más que a sí mismos

Los que se dan  a pedazos todos y cada uno de los días



En esta vida hemos besado demasiados labios

Hemos abrazado gente que ahora ni un hola nos da

Hemos derramado palabras

A personas que no merecían siquiera saber los secretos del universo

Hemos compartido espacio con personas que solo se preocupaban por su propia satisfacción mental y emocional

Y nos hemos convertido en algo frágil.



Pero hemos aprendido o amenos yo si

Que no porque ames te amaran

Que no porque digas la verdad significa que no te van a mentir

Que aunque des lealtad siempre habrá traición

Que los amigos vienen y van

Que aunque perdones aun existirá el rencor



La humanidad es tan compleja

Te puede arrancar de tus sueños

Y llevárselos con el viento

Pero como he aprendido de lo brutal sé que también la vida me va asombrar

Y yo creo en el amor

En que no importa que mi forma de expresarme sea explosiva

Siempre habrá alguien que sienta lo mismo que llevo en mi ser

Porque después de todo no somos tan diferentes



Creo en la honestidad

En la lealtad

Creo en las buenas almas

En soñar

Como de niños solíamos hacerlo

Creyendo que seriamos reyes, princesas, doctores etc…



Hay que recordar al despertar

Lo que nos ayudó a crearnos

Y luchar hasta la cima llegar

Pero siempre con humildad.

Hasta encontrar el sentido de aquello que nos transmite luz…

De aquello que nos transmite vida.



Que nunca se pierda la creatividad, La felicidad, La paz

Y la aceptación

Para aprender a disfrutar todo lo que la vida aún tiene escrito para nosotros

Sin que exista el arrepentimiento

Pero que si exista el perdón para no cargar con enojo.



Porque no siempre obtenemos lo que deseamos

A veces, tenemos que esperar

Quizás por mucho tiempo

Y esta en uno si crecemos o nos vamos en la agonía durante el proceso.



E pasado los últimos meses

Cuestionando mí camino

En donde estoy ¿

Hacia dónde voy?

En si las decisiones que tomo son las correctas?

Me pregunto a cuantas personas e herido

Me pregunto cuántas oportunidades e desaprovechado

Y me pongo triste y me enojo,

Es un caos

Pero entiendo que todo tiene su porque

Y que hay cosas que están fuera de nuestro alcance

Que las cosas que están destinadas a la destrucción, caerán.

Y que hay emociones que no volveremos a experimentar.



Mejores y peores cosas vendrán

Y el alma y mente abiertas deben estar

Para seguir creciendo

Seguir aprendiendo

Que no todo será dulce

Nos vamos a perder y que talvez no habrá nadie que nos encuentre



Aprendamos a abrochar nuestras propias cintas

A abrir nuestras propias puertas

Ya que no siempre habrá alguien que lo haga por nosotros

Hay que tratar de aprender algo nuevo día con día

Sea una nueva palabra

Un nuevo pasó de baile

Pero aprendamos algo

Sin desaprovechar nada

Porque entre más crecemos más extrañaremos las pequeñas cosas

Y aprenderemos que a veces lo más sencillo es lo más llenador



Dejemos de aceptar todo lo que venga con tal de no sentirnos vacíos

Merecemos las cosas y personas con las que terminemos



Así que unámonos en esto y seamos felices por El HOY .

Cada uno de ustedes es una pieza en mi rompecabezas

Cada uno con diferentes orillas pero en una misma unión .



La vida no se detiene por nadie cuando menos piensas

Aquello que llamas presente

Forma parte del pasado

En cuestión de solo un segundo.



Porque es mejor haberlo hecho

A decir [casi] lo hice

Como dice Celia [la vida es un carnaval] y hay que disfrutarla

Mi mayor meta es ser feliz y vivir

Y no solo existir.

Mi cuerpo es un Jardín, en cada una de mis ramas  esta mi gratitud

Gracias es el mayor poema que llevo dentro de mí



Por ustedes, por mí, y por toda la existencia

Salud

Nada me has dado y para ti mi vida
deshoja su rosal de desconsuelo,
porque ves estas cosas que yo miro,
las mismas tierras y los mismos cielos,

porque la red de nervios y de venas
que sostiene tu ser y tu belleza
se debe estremecer .al beso puro
del sol, del mismo sol que a mí me besa.

Mujer, nada me has dado y sin embargo
a través de tu ser siento las cosas:
estoy alegre de mirar la tierra
en que tu corazón tiembla y reposa.

Me limitan en vano mis sentidos
-dulces flores que se abren en el viento-
porque adivino el pájaro que pasa
y que mojó de azul tu sentimiento.

Y sin embargo no me has dado nada,
no se florecen para mí tus años,
la cascada de cobre de tu risa
no apagará la sed de mis rebaños.

Hostia que no probó tu boca fina,
amador del amado que te llame,
saldré al camino con mi amor al brazo
como un vaso de miel para el que ames.

Ya ves, noche estrellada, canto y copa
en que bebes el agua que yo bebo,
vivo en tu vida, vives en mi vida,
nada me has dado y todo te lo debo.

Now scores of years
after botched minor theft penchant
courtesy security guard
analogous to inquisitorial trenchant
unforgettable verbal lashing
(suppressing me ululation to vent)
unwittingly arresting snitch behavior
plus potential life of crime.

Not a peep passed thru
pursed lip o' mine -
aye vaguely attest
what age ten? eleven? twelve?
of following anecdote at best
educated guess, but no
doubt yours truly
with figurative heart in chest
scared sh__less puny meek boy
tight lipped silently confessed

to foiled attempt, sans trying
unsuccessfully to steal a yoyo,
during Saturday's short break
between gymnastic class
inviting tummy prepubescent
diminutive self unbuttoning
outer garment to stash loot,
revealing substantially sprawling
holy skype size bare breast,
after officer verbally rifled me

said mean security detail
demanding I undress
impossible mission to escape
upon being nabbed,
held me arms tight,
cuz yours truly
ain't no Artful Dodger  
thus aye didst detest
foolish kid ploy, and
(prematurely nipping

in the bud) messed
up potential life of crime
with first and only
shoplifting heist jest
for getting caught no a pest
key yoyo, mama would
(IF ever mama or papa FOUND OUT)
they would axe me no quest
chin, but whack me itty bitty
teensy weensy derriere lest

quickly putting to rest
any Robin Hood
fantasy life of riding crest
to get rich quick scheme
high stakes crime pressed,
and squeezed out the noggin
with apropos punishment addressed
thankfully, neither parent
got wind, nor ever guessed
their beautiful darling

little boy did flunk
electric kool aid acid test
petty theft, never
matured nor ever again did zest
proliferate to ****** unpaid for goods
into a profitable "yoyo
string Ponzi like
scheme," thus ballsiest
dare devilish and bitterest,
and laughably noblest

act yours truly ever attempted
immediately ceased to shelve bravest
sleight of hand find
delve during broadest
daylight, I immediately
didst abandon, when clumsiest
initial foray into
the world wide web
tubby come cleverest
lad, this side of

Lansdale, Pennsylvania
many damnedest
yesterdays ago, never
took another earnest
tempting gamble since security
detail nearly wrest
head possible zapped feeblest Ames?
to pilfer from other
Department stores if pressed
for money no matter,
I might miss an enforced
hated ballet class,
with abs salute zest
worse fate than juvenile detention!

Why do spies turn?
Hanssen, Pitts, Ames
Those are the ones we know about
Those we catch
But how many elude us?
We’ll never find out
Trained to be wary they cover their tracks
As we search for turncoats
It’s painstaking, sometimes depressing work
It’s usually money, unjustified anger at “the system”
Vacation homes, luxury travel and Ferraris provide a measure of pleasure
‘Til they are found out and get life sentences
My colleague, a psychiatrist who has met with these traitors in a
therapeutic setting says they compartmentalize
They think they are very smart (and often are)
And they’re remorseful and ashamed
Every intelligence agency in every country has these problems
Loyalty to country is the norm
But there are always bad apples
There is the suggestion that the agencies
Afford an amnesty to the those corrupted
Isn’t it better to bring them back in than suffer the loss of, say, an aircraft
carrier with 5000 sailors on it than having a traitor not serve a lot of jail time?

Potential life of as juvenile delinquent
(ala bam mean future streetwise ****)
stopped dead in the tracks – manacles
the above two lines hopefully gives hint
nearly changing changing life of one boy
an undersized puny kid
whose aborted theft stint
constitutes the gist of following poem.

Now scores of years
after botched minor theft penchant
courtesy security guard
analogous to inquisitorial trenchant
unforgettable verbal lashing
(suppressing me ululation to vent)
unwittingly arresting snitch behavior
plus potential life
of crime and punishment.

Not a peep passed thru
pursed lip o' mine -
aye vaguely attest
what age ten? eleven? twelve?
of following anecdote at best
educated guess, but no
doubt yours truly
with figurative heart in chest
scared sh__less puny meek boy
tight lipped silently confessed

to foiled attempt, sans trying
unsuccessfully to steal a yoyo,
during Saturday's short break
between gymnastic class
at Lansdale YMCA
(long since razed)
inviting tummy prepubescent
diminutive self unbuttoning
outer garment to stash loot,
revealing substantially sprawling

holy skype size bare breast,
after officer verbally rifled me
said mean security detail
demanding I undress
impossible mission to escape
upon being nabbed,
held me arms tight,
cuz yours truly
ain't no Artful Dodger  
thus aye didst detest

foolish kid ploy, and
(prematurely nipping
in the bud) messed
up potential life of crime
with first and only
shoplifting heist jest
for getting caught no a pest
key yoyo, mama would
(IF ever mama
or papa FOUND OUT)

they would axe me no quest
chin, but whack me itty bitty
teensy weensy derriere lest
quickly putting to rest
any Robin Hood
fantasy life of riding crest
to get rich quick scheme
high stakes crime pressed,
and squeezed out the noggin
with apropos punishment addressed

thankfully, neither parent
got wind, nor ever guessed
their beautiful darling
little boy did flunk
electric kool aid acid test
petty theft, never
matured nor ever again did zest
proliferate to ****** unpaid for goods
into a profitable "yoyo
string Ponzi like

scheme," thus ballsiest
dare devilish and bitterest,
and laughably noblest
act yours truly ever attempted
immediately ceased to shelve bravest
sleight of hand find
delve during broad
daylight, I immediately
didst abandon, when clumsiest
initial foray into

the world wide web
tubby come cleverest
lad, as iterated above this side of
Lansdale, Pennsylvania
many damnedest
yesterdays ago, never
took another earnest
tempting gamble since security
detail nearly wrest
head possible zapped feeblest Ames?

grilled, interrogated, lambasted me
immediately squelched
further misdemeanors
to pilfer from other
Department stores if pressed
for money no matter,
I might miss an enforced
hated ballet class,
with abs salute zest
worse fate than juvenile detention!

A long overdue belated thank you
to the intimidating man in blue
keeping yours truly on path
lawfully being straight and true.

read a book, throw a brick...
mind you,
that' not:
read a book, lay a brick...
which probably sounds better
in pig latin:

lego liber, rennuo saxum...
lego liber, pono saxum...

hey... the Romans came to England,  
sure as he'll they didn't
cross the Danube,
or ever had the chance to
hear the names of the following rivers:
Vistulla, Oder, Varta;
I know,  I know,  secular cosmopolitanism
alredy has a leash on me...
the immature...
   remindfull of (a) (n)ames...
    
kept the Latin script, dear baron Warwick...
time to see Roman unravel,
and plunge into the murk,
a second time.