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  Jun 2017 Victoria Laws
ashley
at 4:14 am
im still wide awake
imagining your body on top of mine
captivating me,
your large hands running down my fragile, tiny body,
claiming everything you brush as "yours".
at 4:20 am im still awake,
imagining myself on all fours,
your hand grasping my hair,
pulling it into that tight ponytail i wear during the day,
while you're telling me about how you could never resist me,baby. your words alone leaving me drenched and ready for you.
it's 4:30 am, and texting you:
"are you awake?"
  Jun 2017 Victoria Laws
Shanath
I am done,
I came crashing down
Like a thousand light bulbs
fitted too tight on high ceilings.

I flickered minutely
In the last hours
And then you ignored me
An anomaly that can't be fixed.

I crackled inside
Heat burning the glass,
You wanted me to light
Up your world, but I burned.

But trust me
I would have glowed
And shone bright but sorry,
I swear I'ld be among the stars.

But I wasn't
Instead I lay on
The floor that you swept,
And I was done, unfinished my
                                                    
Purpose.
Words are failing me
Or maybe I am failing them.
How do I explain
I am unworthy?
Victoria Laws Jun 2017
I Miss Him Most With The Rainfall...  
Ironic
How The Water That Cleanses The Earth
Washes Away The Dirt,  
Uncovers All My Old Feelings,
Brings Me Back
To Times I'm Trying To Forget.
I Miss Him Most With The Rainfall...
Victoria Laws Jun 2017
Isn't it funny how your worst enemy is your own mind?

Your thoughts are under its control and your memories are its venom.  In a matter of seconds, it can pull you from a place of serenity down to the darkest pit, in which you scramble to get out of but can't. Your fingernails claw at the dirt and blood covered walls and your lungs fill up with your salty saline tears, and there's no way out. And it's amazing because just a few moments ago, you were walking amongst beautiful stars. But now you look up and see nothing but murky darkness, and your head hangs low and your body slumps over like it's slowly shutting down. And everywhere around you there are whispers, telling you this isn't you, that you're stronger than this, that you can beat it. But it's just so hard to find the energy when you're trapped in the unrelenting darkness of your own imagination. The soft whispers are nothing against the harsh blackness. Besides, what do whispers know. You can't trust something that can so easily be taken with the wind. And it's amazing because you could have sworn that a minute ago, you were out caressing clouds. But you can't remember what that feels like anymore because now all you can focus on is the soggy mud between your toes and the sharp rocks that jab into your back as you lean against the dirt wall and sink to the ground. There's no use screaming because the sound of your voice gets swallowed up by the emptiness you feel.
And then you lose track of time, simply because at this point, there's nothing left to lose. You sit there and allow your mind to absorb the last bit of life from you until you're nothing but an empty shell in a dark, distant hole.
And all of a sudden you open your eyes, and see the trees surrounding you and feel the soft grass beneath your body. You see the life and love around you, but something's changed. The world is GRAY. And just like that, the darkness in your mind takes over your whole world.

Isn't it funny how your most dangerous entity is your own mind?
Victoria Laws Jun 2017
im sitting
im waiting
for something big to happen

im praying
im hoping
that he comes to his senses

im thinking
im wishing
that he still loves me  


and

im trying to forget
that it may never be the same
Victoria Laws Jun 2017
it's funny.
he can be lying right next to me,
yet i don't feel his presence.

i feel the need to touch him
to make sure he's there.
my fingertips caress his pecks;
he gets mad because he's
napping.

it's funny.
as soon as someone
feels no responsibility towards you,
they treat you so differently.

the label that bound us together
was removed,
and just like that,
i was no longer the apple of his eye.

it's funny.
people SAY they'll never hurt you.
but what do words mean, really.

i kinda miss
being treated like a human
instead of a hookup.

it's just funny.
because i see everything wrong with this picture,
but i still want to keep painting,
because you and me together
in any way
is better than me
alone
on an otherwise empty canvas.
don't let boys be mean to you. be strong enough to stand up for yourself. one of us has to.
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