i'll start to get sad again
anxious for what didn't happen
desperate for one last first adventure
the feeling of being unsatisfied
and there is no place to put the fault
but on your own shoulders
because as your past is envious
your future is furious
why did nothing happen
did i not grow up fast enough
or did i grow up too soon
school will start and i will begin to watch
myself crumble

i love watches
watching the time click away
stressful but still enticing
what do i do with my time
stare at a wall
a hand
a mirror
a watch
with life quickly passing by
i am confused

away from the embrace
i need someone to clutch
this chaos around me is unsettling
i need to close my eyes
ignore the trouble
cling to my mother
dry my tears
hold me still

the have the golden days come yet?
did i miss them
or am i just impatient
is time running tor am i just
running
thin
because all i can see is the calendar
counting until graduation
until i'm supposed to have it all together
but i don't have anything together
because he took it all and left none for me
he gave it all to her
i begged her not to look into his ocean eyes
but she couldn't help it
and she couldn't help me
when i said i was dying
(do you ever think about that? all the dead people at the bottom of the sea? did they make it to their golden days?)
will you make it to yours?

i pray for new feelings
but this stale town
and stale air
and stale people
leaves me hopeless
i am trying
desperately so
trying to be the porcelian doll
all these other girls are begging
for you
but i stopped trying
there are no new possibilities

i hate the ocean
the smell of fish
the taste of salt
the harsh winds
i hate the ocean
the waves of my soul
drag me far enough below the surface
i don't need natures help
drowning

that book you gave me
does not compare to the affection
you never showed me
the inside of your mind
remains
a
mystery

you kept your love a secret
even though i cried out for you to let me in
but you didn't
and you won't
i'll never be yours
i'll always be
an almost