I cried into the darkness,
Tears dripping on notebook paper,
My reasoning scribbled between calculus,
Roommate snoozing as the clock blinked 1:00.
I pulled myself wearily into bed,
Empty Gatorade and pill bottles littered the floor.
I had not realized
Until after I swallowed
I didn't want to die
Anymore.

i believe,
even the stars
get tired.

when the night sky
had folded them away
back into the darkness

and the moon,
that lonesome thing,
has doused itself in shadows.

so will you too, my friend
shy away from the light
as if it would burn
if it reached you.

maybe you feel,
you just are not strong enough
to face the day.

that the midnight hour
is a broken thing

and oh, the silence
is deafening.

and you and i know, even the stars
are tired.

you mourn for them
as their light expires.

Could we all
just get along
for one day?

Life is a perpetual party.
Dance alone if you
find no dance partner.
Dance with the fat girl
everyone calls ugly Betty.
Try not to lift her up
If you don't want to hear
your ribs or shoulders pop.
Try to swing around her
and come face to face.
Wink and say thanks for
the beautiful moves baby.
She will melt and blush,
for you've made her happy.

Life is a perpetual party.
Come dressed as a clown
or suit up in a fancy suit.
Party wild and get drunk.
Dance all night if you wish,
retire early if you want.
Make sure you steal the show
Or be crown the best.
Make sure you out dance
yourself and the rest,
Sing along with the songs
you like and do it well.
Regardless of the pitch
Or the tune of your voice,
Own that song even
If you don't know the
Wordings and the timing.

Life is a perpetual party,
Everyone got invited by
He who planned the gig.
So rise to your own feet,
Jump to your far right,
Jump to your nearest left.
Rock to sound and beat
and do the split or boogie.
Breakdance if you have
the time and chance.
Moonwalk if space exists
and Flashdance at the end.
Make sure by the break
Of dawn, when the morning
comes and the light is out,
your last dance was a great one.

#IvanBrookspoetry© #Bassapoet
8-20-3019

My love,
you look so tired
you are so pale
so sickly looking
so thin I can count your ribs
why don't you and lay down?
Those dark circles under your eyes
have you looking less than attractive,
have you looking like a starved, beat down animal.
Love, just lay down
and I will pull you into the safe darkness
where you will sleep
until you wake up screaming from your nightmares.
I see you going out and talking to people,
spending time away from me
happy, smiling, free,
but that's not allowed,
you belong to me.
Come home to me,
come cry to me,
I will hold you and love you,
I will tell you everything is okay,
I will show you how to be okay.
You can push away everyone,
scream at them,
cry, punch, yell, and let the thoughts come.
Let your mind take over.
It will all be okay.
Lay in the dark,
hiding for hours.
Let all of your thoughts through your wall.
Let your mind tell you exactly what you are.
When you can't take it anymore,
come to me and I will tell you what to do.
Love, don't cry,
Do see the blade over there?
Sharp, clean, shining?
Take it into your hand,
all you have to do it slide it across your skin,
just one little action.
Repeat
Repeat
Repeat
Keep repeating until your hands are covered in blood,
do you see how beautiful the color of your blood is?
How dark and red and mysterious?
My love, why do you continue to try and push yourself away?
You know there is no escaping me
no matter how happy you think you are,
no matter where you go
or who you see
or what you do,
I will always be there.
Watching
Waiting
Waiting for that little bit of doubt to creep into your mind.
That is always when you think of me,
that is when you always come back to me.
Do you really think you can run from me?
Did you really think you could ever escape from me?
From your thoughts?
From your scars and your past and all of the mistakes you've made?
You really want me to go away?
Do you really think
anyone else could ever love you?
To leave you?
To die?
Fine, I'll die
But here's my last bit of victory,
you'll die with me.

It's not a big deal to tear apart the happy picture I posted.
It really doesn't matter.
But it did.
Because a month ago I couldn't smile like that
A month ago I would've been afraid someone would see right through me
A month ago I was afraid of people like you and I guess I still am.
The big deal is, even though I wasn't meant to see what you were saying I still did.
The big deal is seeing that happy picture on her lit up screen made me feel for the first time since I've been happy, that cut wrists would make this feel better.

I remember how sweet it was when you held my hand
Just to let me know you were there and that you cared
But with my hand pressed against yours you noticed

"what are those?"

You caught me off guard
And we were both looking at the faint reddish pink marks all over my wrists and arms

"it's nothing just the cat"

And you smiled a weak smile
Knowing **** well I didn't have a cat

At best,
angels are devils
playing nice.