While walking through a warm afternoon
that suddenly turned from bright to dim,
with blazing clouds that began to loom
and shadows grew deeper and light was thin:

My way ahead was unexpectedly barred
by an iron gate, its lock snapped shut.
It’s topped by spikes well made to ward
off hurdlers, sharpened, made to deeply cut.

Past the gatehouse, a tunnel, a fallen shelter
from the rapidly coming hard rainfall
that once was sung about by a jester
in time with a tambourine, as I recall.

It leads to a light that’s still ablaze
where sunbeams’ sheen still sparkles bright,
beckoning us all to pass this gate
that looks at first glance a menacing might.

To stay before this wrought iron fence,
its spikes tipped with red poison that drips
into the soil that’s in cracked distress?
I won’t just wait here in the dawning eclipse.

No lock is unpickable, no wall too high
for those with the will to reach new skies.

Can you still see me

Standing in this dark room

Talking to the memory of you

Your hand is back in my hair

The love is still there

Just like you never left

But that is not my life

I couldn't sit pretty

To let you create a pretty lie

And now I'm here and for all I know..

You may have died.

You told me your name
Then played me into your game
You made me think that you loved me
But all you wanted was to **** me
Over
And over
And over again
Which brings me emotional pain
You gave me your hints
You even told me your hints
I decided not to be open-eared
And you because the person I feared

You only liked me because of my body and part of my personality
You just made it seem like you just wanted my speciality
I should've avoided you
I should've cut all connections with you
From you ******* someone
To impregnating and abandoning that someone
I should've known the signs were bad
But I couldn't because you were sad

Everything went downhill after that
I was flat
Dull
Within a bull
I always had to comfort you when you were the one supposed to comfort me
Your hands were leeched onto me
I couldn't get a second without you
Every single second felt like I was forced to talk to you
You always made me so tired
So drained
I couldn't even talk to my friends because of how drained I was
All because,
Of you
I was getting so mentally sick because of you
To the point of getting the rope
Hoping you wouldn't ****
Me in the after life

We were only so young
Your words only stung
I was only eleven
You were thirteen
It was too young to get exposed to mature topics
Too mature topics

I'm glad we don't talk anymore
Now I don't have to suffer anymore
I hope no one else has to suffer because of you
Only because of you

I feel so empty
Nothing is real
People say it's not that big of a deal
But it is
It's something you cannot miss
It lives with me everyday
It feels like a fever dream everyday
It's hard to live with
People may think it's a myth
It's really not
It's just like a knot
It's annoying
It's overwhelming

It often makes me wanna cry
But sometimes makes me want to die
It often leaves me questioning if life is real or not
It makes my brain form into a knot
It's so confusing
It's so overwhelming
I can never ground myself
I don't know how to cope with myself

The "fever dream" makes life so cloudy
It almost makes me look lousy, or drowsy
It makes me think if I'm high or drunk
Or if my body was in a trunk
It's like I have a 0.5x filter constantly running
It feels like after I got done hyperventilating

Is this a poor way of my body coping?
From all the groping?
From all the manipulation?
From all the exploitation?

I'm not a mere object you can use
I'm not a mere puppet you can use
I'm tired of this
I'm tired of getting used like this
Like I'm everyone's slave
People think that they can get away with treating me like a slave,
Because they can
People think they can use me, then discard me,
Because they can
Why can't people see?
Why can't parents teach their children to act better?
Why can't parents teach their children to write a letter?
To all of the other kids that their child has harmed
To all of the other kids that their child has used

It isn't fun being used
It feels like hell being used

Day by day,
May to May,
Year to year,
Tears turn into fear,
Fear of getting used again
Fear turns into pain,
Emotional pain from being used turns into trust issues

you stole my light
when i told you to stop
and you ignored my red light
and kept going
like my body was undiscovered land
and you were a colonizer.
perhaps my asking you to stop
turned you on
made you hungry.
you looked at me with your hungry eyes
like i was fresh meat
for you to take and have for yourself
ignoring my stop signs
cries
screams
because i am nothing more
than an object to you
made for your manipulation and pleasures.

I trusted you ever since we met
You even made me in debt
You took advantage of me,
You stabbed me,
But I couldn't see
I was only so oblivious
I am still so oblivious
I acknowledge it,
But I don't care about it

I was only six years old
I wasn't old-
Enough to learn that you-
Were taking advantage of me
I couldn't see-
The knife you-
Stabbed into me until you disappeared
I wasn't open-eared
I couldn't hear,
Until a clone of you came along
It's been so long
Since I heard
I can hear now,
I can trust you now

The cycle just repeats;
Day by day,
Bay to bay.