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385 · Aug 2019
disposable
ghost queen Aug 2019
love is an illusion, a mirage, ephemeral, fragile, evaporating at the slightest hint of reality, hard to find, easy to receive, difficult to accept unconditionally, in a world of romantic reverie

i am most anxious, when in love, fear falling from grace, being rejected, abandoned by yet another, reinforcing my self perception of being ugly

love is what i most i desire, the one thing i can not get, won’t allow myself, knowing the price to play, the emotional toll to pay, in the aftermath

endlessly chasing a fairy tale, one day waking up bitter, as the reality is too harsh and arduous to endure

i feel, know, that i am disposable like a paper handkerchief, used once, i will be thrown away. i am temporary, short lived, a luxury at best, never really needed, knowing there is a long list of suitors, when you tire of me

how do i trust, intertwine, taste your tears, knowing this is momentary, a study in futility, i retreat from reality, create a fantasy, a perfect world on my screen, eschew the flesh and blood in front of me
383 · Oct 2019
september lovers
ghost queen Oct 2019
in late september, when summer has past and fall is here, as the sun sets and the sky blues, bitter sweet yearnings stir, as winter comes. the days cool, the nights lengthen, i long to hold you in my arms, smell your scent mixed amongst the fallen leaves, to feel your lips against mine, to taste the candied sweetness of your kisses.

i relish the coming of the cold, nights buried deep in flannel sheets, weighted down by woolen blankets, warm and snug, bodies naked, intertwined, vulnerable, safe in each other’s arms, oblivious to the world and its problems.
377 · Jan 2022
loved & lost
ghost queen Jan 2022
i thought
I won’t feel it
but i did
getting dumped
hurts
was it worth it
letting you in
loving you
is it true
what they say
it is better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all
and
time heals all wounds
369 · Nov 2021
dumb luck
ghost queen Nov 2021
what is it
you truly
seek
want
desire
from life

the dumb luck
of ***** meets egg
that made you
flesh and blood

self aware
conscious
of the brevity
of life
and the finality
of death

like a match
temporarily
lighting
keeping
the darkness
at bay

only to be
swallowed up
devouring
all that was created
when extinguished
363 · Aug 2021
the deeper you go
ghost queen Aug 2021
the deeper you go
fewer will follow

the deeper you go
words are profound

the deeper you go
the truth is closer

the deeper you go
the soul is found
POEMSPLAIN: i've noticed when i write a "hallmark card" 1 or 2 line poem it gets a lot of views, but when i write longer, more profound poems, they get few reads or comments
360 · Apr 2021
afraid to sleep
ghost queen Apr 2021
i don't want to sleep
afraid of dreams
that i'll wake
living a nightmare
of a life
i fear
359 · Sep 2021
what is poetry
ghost queen Sep 2021
journaling of emotions?
    expressions of the heart?
        externalizing of thougts
            cathartic musing
                a rorschach test
                    therapy?
                        art?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creativity_and_mental_health
353 · Apr 2024
donkey or unicorn
ghost queen Apr 2024
i’m a donkey with an ice cream cone on my forehead pretending to be a unicorn
What Teresa M. said when she saw how beautiful Laura V. was.
349 · Oct 2018
Loneliness
ghost queen Oct 2018
At the end of the universe
In middle of a crowd
Deep underground
Sitting at playground

Plainly seen
Casually Ignored
Blinded sight
Silent scream

Life lives
Time stops
Winter is here
Time to cry

Cards are dealt
Play the hand
Do we really live
The lives we want

Salvation seeked
Grace denied
Self medication
Wishing to die
349 · Nov 2021
soul of a cello
ghost queen Nov 2021
you feel so much
so deep
soul of a cello
so vulnerable to love
and hate
346 · Aug 2019
untitled 2019.08.11
ghost queen Aug 2019
look into the well, through the clear water, to the endless depth, what do you hope to see, what is it that scares you, that you most fear, this fascinating tunnel to the underworld.

look up into the sky, how do you feel, is it awe, insignificance, why do you continue, peering into the infinite, do you feel your place, hope God is aware, you are here, do you pray, He cares.
345 · Sep 2021
dreams of love
ghost queen Sep 2021
the black box
called the mind
a byproduct
of physiology
dreams of love
a phantasm
of the heart
so two
can become
one
340 · Jul 2019
we love differently
ghost queen Jul 2019
we love differently, how can we understand, connect, when we are so dissimilar. a merry-go-round of constant negotiations, asks, and rejections, physical versus emotional, i initiate, you reject, our relationship spirals down, hits the ground, and consumes itself in a fireball of hurt and hate.

we are too different, you and i, the sun and moon, how do we live, fulfill, satisfy our many, complicated needs and wants.

i see the signs, know we are doomed, yet i play the game, half-hearted, going through the motions, never letting down my guard, of becoming one with you, i no longer trust, having been wounded, hurt, betrayed too many times, bracing, protecting myself from the inevitable pain

my head is no longer in the game. i have stopped playing, removed myself from the board, i have grown tired, hoping the next one will be different, repeating the same patterns of destruction, attracting the same damaged people, I recognized the lie, love is a mirage, the cynicism all too consuming, my heart has died
330 · Feb 2022
sorrow
ghost queen Feb 2022
how can i not, but feel sorrow
look ahead, into the future
do you see
the devastation, desolation, that awaits
helpless, frustrated, i’ve resigned myself
to my and the world’s fate
Sorrow (noun): a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others. Sorrow "is more 'intense' than sadness... it implies a long-term state". At the same time "sorrow — but not unhappiness — suggests a degree of resignation…
327 · Feb 2020
dance desire sex
ghost queen Feb 2020
i’ll never forget the first time we danced, at the social in august,
the heat and humidity of the summer night, intensified by the confines of the old wooden dance hall.

the music was electric, the crowd ecstatic when we locked eyes, and i asked you to dance. i took your hand, soft and moist, and led you to the middle of the dance floor.

surrounded by bodies, gyrating and spinning, i put my arm around you, pulled you near, pressing your body tightly against mine.

i held you in my arms, discovering, savoring the feel of your body, the wetness on your back, the earthiness of your scent.

i sensed the sensuality, the sexuality, the animal, inside you. never had i desired a woman as much as i desired you.
324 · Oct 2018
I Love You Hate Me
ghost queen Oct 2018
I love you
You hate me
I come near
You disappear

You beckoned
Come here
You signaled
Go away

I am confused
My ego bruised
I don’t understand
What do you want

I rescued you
You drove me away
I gave you  love
You faded from my life
324 · Aug 2019
your scent on the pillow
ghost queen Aug 2019
i miss you most in the morning, when your side of the bed is empty, my hand reaching, expecting, feeling nothing. i roll over, the sun bright, rude in my eyes, i am sad, disappointed, i can’t love and be loved on this lazy morning. i grab your pillow, squeeze it against me, a poor substitute of you, i curl up around it, press my face into its softness, savoring your scent, the smell reminding me, wishing it was you.
320 · Jun 2021
blue roses
ghost queen Jun 2021
love letters
and
blue roses
truth is fatal
so are lies


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_rose
320 · Jul 2021
one last kiss
ghost queen Jul 2021
a blue
withered
rose

guarded
by dead
fools

for a ghost
queen

praying
to gods

for one
last
wish

a kiss

just one
last
kiss

before
she
dies
314 · Nov 2023
loneliness
ghost queen Nov 2023
how lonely do you have to be
for the pain to be greater than the fear
of the perceived anxieties and inadequacies
while slowly starving from a lack of connection
as you medicate and fail to keep the void away
310 · May 2019
born this way
ghost queen May 2019
Shut up and accept your fate
Quit whining about your lot in life
You were dealt the hand, now play it
Bluff or fold, make a choice or it makes you
There is nothing you can do to change the fact
You were born this way
303 · Aug 2019
lovers in all but name
ghost queen Aug 2019
the secrets that are shared, texted late into the night, two adults, like teenagers, expressing fears of aging bodies, craving intimacy, emotional connection, in a life where there is none. forbidden by convention, drawn by desire, love has no age, no restrictions.

how can we be so close, intimate, but never touching, other than as students, practicing steps at a studio. when we touch, fingers linger, holds extend, bodies innocuously pressed together. there is a tension, never verbalized, an intention, signaled subtly, waiting for a reaction, courage, ebbing flowing, hands daring, waiting for a reprimand, that never comes. when words fail, my touch says everything, your body tells me so.

where is the point of no return when friends become lovers, when we share more than feelings, when touch is intentional, pleasing, satisfying, expressed openly.

it is a dangerous game we play, involving others, oblivious to our foreplay, guilty bystanders to our indiscretion.

living in the moment, aware of the consequences and aftermath, is the danger worth the hurt, why i am doing this, i already know the answer. of all the women to pursue, i choose you, because i can not have you.

how will it end, will we be found out, will you tire of me, what feelings will be left, when the novelty is gone, will the love remain, friendship linger, will we ever talk again, the power of love lies with the one that loves the least.

we are lovers in all but name.
295 · Apr 2021
soft kiss
ghost queen Apr 2021
a kiss
as soft
and gentle
as a snowflakes
touch
285 · Apr 2023
indonesia
ghost queen Apr 2023
in a foreign land
i lose myself
forgetting who i was
not remembering my name
slowly accepting new ways
loving you
going native
282 · Apr 2024
say it
ghost queen Apr 2024
i miss you…so much…, it hurts
i can’t stop thinking about you…,dreaming about you
i need to feel you…, touch you…, smell and taste you
hear your whispers, moans, fears and secrets
feel your sweat and wetness against my skin
say it, i want to hear it, that you love me
and only me
Written for Laura V. March 16
281 · Feb 2023
darkness
ghost queen Feb 2023
it’s unbearable
numbing and crushing
destroying
my will
to live
this darkness
surrounded by loneliness
279 · Dec 2021
snow queen’s tears
ghost queen Dec 2021
above the din
of a yuletide storm

listen carefully
you can hear
a woman
sobbing

she’s
trapped
in an ice cave
a prison
of her own making

in agonizing
isolation
unloved
unknown
wishing
for the warmth
the touch
of another

afraid to love
of being hurt
closing off
her heart
to others

pristine and lovely
is the snowfall
from the queen’s
weeping
277 · Sep 2022
black sun
ghost queen Sep 2022
under a black sun
death came

bodies hang
from dule trees

a tragedy
of commons

each is guilt
all will die

maggots feast
none will cry
276 · Nov 2021
indifference
ghost queen Nov 2021
if god is not dead
then indifferent
to the human condition
as prayers are unanswered

the only difference
is how you behave
to love and cherish
and not hurt or hate
275 · Oct 2021
lonely girl
ghost queen Oct 2021
lonely girl
eating alone
in a corner
never looking up
from her book
wearing jeans
flip flops
and a sweater

you fascinate me
sitting there
oblivious
to your surroundings
a tourist
in my world

to approach
and talk
are you
a character
in my diary
or something more

i missed the moment
will never know
you paid the waiter
closed your book
met my eyes
smiled
turned
and disappeared
Nov 2, 2018 Friday Night  Bocce Italian Kitchen in Bishop Arts
273 · Oct 2022
close
ghost queen Oct 2022
when the mind goes blind
the heart grows cold
souls extinguish
a child turns
you are called
by no one there
a flower wilts
a baby cries
how does it feel
knowing
you are dying
268 · Apr 2021
intimacy
ghost queen Apr 2021
share with me
what is in your heart

tell me your dreams
your fears

make me feel safe
to bloom

give you my body
and intimacy
267 · May 2019
morning thoughts
ghost queen May 2019
I was thinking about you this morning, imagining how it would feel to your have your body pressed against mine, your sweet lips kissing mine, my hands caressing your naked back...
First morning poem texted to new girlfriend, Jamie.
She replied, "Wow, good morning to you too, very dreamy."
266 · Aug 2021
extinction level event
ghost queen Aug 2021
existential crisis
extinct or extant
what comes next
remember snow
how about clouds
the IPCC says
it’s too late
we’re past
the point of no return
children cry
now it’s time
for all to die
Is anyone else afraid of climate change, and what it means for humanity?
264 · Feb 2023
best
ghost queen Feb 2023
don’t be afraid
child
you’re young
the best is yet to come
263 · Oct 2023
distractions & lies
ghost queen Oct 2023
I lie and distract myself
to avoid confronting the truth
and avoid the pain
that I am lonely and afraid
261 · Aug 2019
you threw it all away
ghost queen Aug 2019
you set in motion, events which cascaded, your emotions imploded, descended into depression, you threw it all away. was it worth it, all the hurt, to yourself, those around you

i trusted you, let down my guard, let you in, only to have you wreak havoc, with my heart, i am trying to forgive, but the pain lingers, i can not forget, the emotional damage

i was there, your rock, tried to help, you pushed me away, self destructed, survivors shocked, after an explosion, trying to understand, what happened

i replay the end, endlessly, trying to fathom the unraveling, deciphering your words for clues, i feel helpless, i can’t understand, make sense of what happen

i pray you are happy, that you’ve found peace, have some tranquility
258 · Oct 2021
the edge
ghost queen Oct 2021
as a child i was frighten, as an adult, i am weary when i walk the forest’s edge, a real and imaginary line between night and day, light and dark, life and death, the delineation of my tamed civilized world, and the chaos of the savage wilds.

i remember walking along the edge as a child, holding my mother’s hand, looking into the darkness, hoping to see something magical, to justify my fears, dismiss my suspicions, anything to alleviate the mundane, monotonous, insipidness of my bleak, desolate quotidian life.

i imagined mythical creatures in the forest, with the thrill and horror of an occasional siting of a real wolf trotting along the tree line, stopping at the site of me, making eye contact for a moment before slipping back into the darkness of the forest, feeling like prey, a rabbit in the middle of a meadow, hyper vigilant, knowing death is an instant away
256 · Oct 2021
angel's touch
ghost queen Oct 2021
your touch
slow gentle tender
soothes
chases away
my fears worries anxieties
i am safe
to sleep
dream
love
give myself
to you
255 · Aug 2021
instagram princess
ghost queen Aug 2021
you’re beautiful
but not useful
conceited and vain
an Instagram princess
a scarecrow
without a brain
Frank Baum's Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz
246 · Apr 2024
the day after
ghost queen Apr 2024
love is an illusion
a false reprieve
quenching the soul
lost in the blackness of rejection
242 · Jan 2024
laura v.
ghost queen Jan 2024
like winter leaves
blown around
i grow cold
inside and out
i have no more tears
for her or myself
i’ve relinquished all hope
accepted my fate
of growing old
and dying alone
241 · Jun 2021
secrets
ghost queen Jun 2021
i wrote it
for you

told the truth
i have no more

secrets
237 · Apr 2022
terrified
ghost queen Apr 2022
i lie
to myself
and others
when i say
I am not afraid
to die

it terrifies me
the idea
of ceasing
to exist
235 · Jun 2021
nasty woman
ghost queen Jun 2021
nasty
bitter
women
shun by all
for reasons
of your own making
rude
mean
spiteful
hurting
all around
you
234 · Apr 2022
regrets
ghost queen Apr 2022
when you look down
at the body
of your mother
lying in a coffin
as the lid is closed
lowered in the ground
and covered by dirt
there is nothing else to say
but shed tears
of regret
234 · Sep 2021
pareidolia
ghost queen Sep 2021
it doesn’t exist
it’s a creation
of a black box
called your mind
absurd insane
pareidolia of the eye
seeing factuals
hoping there is order
terrified of the nothingness
pleading for grace
from a divine
232 · Jun 2021
henni
ghost queen Jun 2021
Henni
Henni
i shout
scream
with all my heart
to Allah and Yahweh
why
do you love me
my one and only love
223 · Nov 2019
addiction
ghost queen Nov 2019
I fear you, because I need you, to live, to cope, to feel good about continuing, and not slip into depression, it is a fools’s game pursuing a mirage, but how i do stop when the consequences are so high, the reality too hard, the pain so intolerable.

I am an addict, I’ve tried to pull back, run away, i get so far and succumb to the dark, the loneliness, the excruciating mental pain, curling up in a ball, sobbing, under the covers of my bed.

I need you so badly, i can’t live without you, what do i do, codependent, in this abusive freakish relationship, i need to leave or i will die, letting myself be killed, slowly, undeniably, who will rescue, save me, there are no saviors, no rescuers, nobody who cares.

i hurt so intensely, I would do anything for you, i love when i take you, dulling my senses, lulling me into serenity, peace and contentment, sleeping deeply, feeling safe in Morepheus’s arms, I am released, given a reprieve from all my fears and anxieties, at last carefree and happy, all by taking a pill into oblivion.
220 · Oct 2021
fatalism
ghost queen Oct 2021
meaning is a myth, reality an illusion
resigning to the black inescapable fatalism
accepting one’s fate is predetermined
or worse yet, accidental and serendipitous

we all know our end, the end is coming
our life, consciousness finite and limited
the moment when the light extinguishes
and we cease to exist
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