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333 · Dec 2019
cold night of the woodsman
ghost queen Dec 2019
on a cold day, quickly turning into night, i labored in the forest, splitting logs for fire, to sustain me through the long winter nights.

looking at the sun, setting, on the horizon, i'd  have just enough light to make it back to my cabin. i cleaned my ax, started walking, into the cold dark forest, to my little cabin.

i'd stopped working, my body cooled, the cold seeped in, touching my skin, making me shiver, wishing for warmth of a long ago summer.

i walked, in silence, i never felt so alone, no sun in the sky, no singing birds, just a lifeless boreal forest in the cold of winter.

i felt forgotten, abandoned, buried in the earth, an emotional pain so intense, so deep, it makes grown men cry.

reaching the end of days, no family, no friends, eeking out a senseless existence, not knowing why, too old to work, too young to die, i plod along.

reaching my cabin as the night consumed the sky, the loneliness of winter overwhelmed me, enveloping my body, worse my mind, in the nihilism of why.

tears start to flow, as i opened the door, i wept then cried, as i entered the house, cold and dark, an echo of my life, no fire in the hearth, no food on the table, no wife to hold in my arms, to warm my body, my heart.

i light a fire, then my pipe, pour a glass, and sit in my chair, in front of the fire, staring into the flames, alive with warmth, my only companion, the only reason, i am still alive.
winter's tale inspired from listening to german austrian fairy tales and splitting wood for my fireplace
333 · Oct 2019
september lovers
ghost queen Oct 2019
in late september, when summer has past and fall is here, as the sun sets and the sky blues, bitter sweet yearnings stir, as winter comes. the days cool, the nights lengthen, i long to hold you in my arms, smell your scent mixed amongst the fallen leaves, to feel your lips against mine, to taste the candied sweetness of your kisses.

i relish the coming of the cold, nights buried deep in flannel sheets, weighted down by woolen blankets, warm and snug, bodies naked, intertwined, vulnerable, safe in each other’s arms, oblivious to the world and its problems.
331 · Oct 2018
Loneliness
ghost queen Oct 2018
At the end of the universe
In middle of a crowd
Deep underground
Sitting at playground

Plainly seen
Casually Ignored
Blinded sight
Silent scream

Life lives
Time stops
Winter is here
Time to cry

Cards are dealt
Play the hand
Do we really live
The lives we want

Salvation seeked
Grace denied
Self medication
Wishing to die
323 · Nov 2021
soul of a cello
ghost queen Nov 2021
you feel so much
so deep
soul of a cello
so vulnerable to love
and hate
323 · Apr 2021
afraid to sleep
ghost queen Apr 2021
i don't want to sleep
afraid of dreams
that i'll wake
living a nightmare
of a life
i fear
320 · Sep 2021
dreams of love
ghost queen Sep 2021
the black box
called the mind
a byproduct
of physiology
dreams of love
a phantasm
of the heart
so two
can become
one
318 · Jul 2019
we love differently
ghost queen Jul 2019
we love differently, how can we understand, connect, when we are so dissimilar. a merry-go-round of constant negotiations, asks, and rejections, physical versus emotional, i initiate, you reject, our relationship spirals down, hits the ground, and consumes itself in a fireball of hurt and hate.

we are too different, you and i, the sun and moon, how do we live, fulfill, satisfy our many, complicated needs and wants.

i see the signs, know we are doomed, yet i play the game, half-hearted, going through the motions, never letting down my guard, of becoming one with you, i no longer trust, having been wounded, hurt, betrayed too many times, bracing, protecting myself from the inevitable pain

my head is no longer in the game. i have stopped playing, removed myself from the board, i have grown tired, hoping the next one will be different, repeating the same patterns of destruction, attracting the same damaged people, I recognized the lie, love is a mirage, the cynicism all too consuming, my heart has died
316 · Sep 2023
angry sun
ghost queen Sep 2023
angry is the sun burning the sky
baking and pummeling all that is living
to cry or pray to a god who doesn’t listen
i fear we’ve been forgotten and forsaken
we see it now the apocalypse
we can no longer hide or run
i have made peace with what is about to come
ghost queen Sep 2020
vervain and wolfsbane
blood dripping from finger tips
rising moon
red eyes
the last kiss
a final sigh
303 · Feb 2022
sorrow
ghost queen Feb 2022
how can i not, but feel sorrow
look ahead, into the future
do you see
the devastation, desolation, that awaits
helpless, frustrated, i’ve resigned myself
to my and the world’s fate
Sorrow (noun): a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others. Sorrow "is more 'intense' than sadness... it implies a long-term state". At the same time "sorrow — but not unhappiness — suggests a degree of resignation…
296 · Jul 2021
one last kiss
ghost queen Jul 2021
a blue
withered
rose

guarded
by dead
fools

for a ghost
queen

praying
to gods

for one
last
wish

a kiss

just one
last
kiss

before
she
dies
289 · Aug 2019
untitled 2019.08.11
ghost queen Aug 2019
look into the well, through the clear water, to the endless depth, what do you hope to see, what is it that scares you, that you most fear, this fascinating tunnel to the underworld.

look up into the sky, how do you feel, is it awe, insignificance, why do you continue, peering into the infinite, do you feel your place, hope God is aware, you are here, do you pray, He cares.
284 · Sep 2021
what is poetry
ghost queen Sep 2021
journaling of emotions?
    expressions of the heart?
        externalizing of thougts
            cathartic musing
                a rorschach test
                    therapy?
                        art?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creativity_and_mental_health
283 · Jun 2021
blue roses
ghost queen Jun 2021
love letters
and
blue roses
truth is fatal
so are lies


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_rose
263 · Apr 2021
soft kiss
ghost queen Apr 2021
a kiss
as soft
and gentle
as a snowflakes
touch
ghost queen Dec 2020
Brighid walked off the escalator at La Gare Montparnasse and headed straight to a ticket vending machine, entered her destination, Quimper, inserted her EMV chip and pin debit card, and took the dispensed ticket.

She walked into la grande salle, her roll-on in tow, as she passed a group of African teenage males. One stepped out of the group, walking up to her with a grin, and asked, “hey chérie, quel est ton six.” She smiled, having played the game before, flipped her hair, walked away, and said, “dans tes rêves petit.” The boys laughed, mocking their friend’s in vain attempt.

She walked to quay 5, found the blue and gray TGV Alantique, and boarded coach number 3. She wanted to be left alone, so found and sat down in a no-table solo chair.

Tomorrow was a full moon, and Brighid and her sisters were to meet as they did every equinox eve.

The train slowly and smoothly pulled out of the station. Brighid was always amazed at how smooth the ride was, remembering a TF1 documentary that the TGVs used Jacob’s bogies to achieve that smooth ride.

Once outside Paris the train hit its maximum speed of 250 km/h (155 mph), briefly stopping at Rennes, Vannes, and Lorient before arriving at the Gare Quimper terminus.

Brighid waited till the coach emptied of the few passengers traveling to Quimper this time of year, pulling out her phone, opened up the Uber app, and typed in “72 Chemin de Tregont Mab, 29000 Quimper, France.” A driver responded, already waiting at the passenger pickup at the front of the gare.

She got her roll-on, walked off the coach, and out the gare. It was typical Quimper weather she thought to herself: dark, wet, and cold. She saw her ride, a blue Renault Kangoo minivan. An Algerian driver got out, opened the door, taking her roll-on as she got in, and closed the door.  

“Manoir Tregont Mab Madame,” the driver said in a thick Marseille accent. “Yes,” she replied relieved to be home. She leaned back in the seat, closing her eyes, not wanting to chit chat with the driver. She could feel her body relaxing, her pulse slowing, her anxiety ebbing.

The Tregont Mab, built after the French Revolution, was 6 km southeast of Quimper, in a secluded forested area, and was owned by Madame Gwen LeCarvennec, a member of her tribe sworn to serve the Druidesses of Enez Sun.

Madame LeCarvennec was 12 when started working at Tregont Mab, and had become chatelaine in her 50s. The house mother, responsible for the care and protection of young druidesses as they came and went from Quimper.

The car turned off the paved road and onto the long winding dirt road to the manor, finally reaching the crushed rock courtyard and stopping. The driver rushed to open Brighid’s door. A young apprentice girl greeted her, instructing the driver to where to carry and drop off the roll-on.

Brighid walked into the house, relishing the smell of baking bread, stewing chicken, and the slight pleasant musky smell of an old French house. She loved this house and the many memories inside. It stirred deep emotions within her, remembering vividly her coming of age and deep and lasting bonds built with the druidesses. She laid her coat on the foyer chair and walked down the beautiful intricate blue and beige ceramic tile to the kitchen.

Madame LeCarvennec was in the process of taking groceries out of a wicker basket when Brighid walked into the kitchen. Madame LeCarvennec looked up and her face lit up, smiling. “Ah me petite biche,” she said, putting down the groceries, and kissing Brighid on the cheek two times.

“Come, sit, tell me what has been happening with you since the last time I saw you, cherie,” she said. Brighid sat down at the table and Madame turned to the cupboard and pulled out some peanuts, chips, and Pernod, then to the frig for a pitcher of cold water and freezer for ice cubes, setting everything on the table. She put the peanuts, chips, and ice in separate bowls. She poured the Pernod in two glasses and gave ice thongs for Brighid to serve herself the ice and pour the desired amount of water to dilute the Pernod to her taste.

Brighid had never stopped being awed at the Ouzo Effect, Pernod turning milky white when diluted with water. She savored the anise smell, picked up the glass, and sipped.

Madame sat down next to her and placed a hand on hers. “How are you doing,” she asked with a frowned expression. “I am tired,” replied Brighid, putting the glass down on the table, “and afraid of what is about to come.”

“Have the others arrived,” Brighid asked. “They have and are all on the island preparing for tomorrow’s equinox,” replied Madame getting up, opening the refrigerator, pulling out eggs, butter, and ahead of Bibb salad. Brighid watched her in silence prepare an omelet and salad for dinner. She took another sip of Pernod sliding deeper into her thoughts.

Madame placed a plate of omelet, salad, and a big piece of fresh bread in front of her. She thanked Madame and ate slowly, thinking through what had and might happen.

When she’d finished. Madame called the girl to take her up to her room. She followed the girl up the winding green-carpeted staircase to the master bedroom. The girl turned on the main light, turned down the sheets, threw open the floor to ceiling drapes, revealing two all-glass french doors, then turned around, turned off the main light, and closed the door quietly behind her, leaving Brighid in the dark.

The bright silvery light of the waning gibbous moon lit up the room. Brighid opened the doors, cool cold air flooded into the room, as she took off her clothes, rings, earrings, and bracelets , placing them on the chair by the window, leaving only her torc on her body.

She knelt on a sheepskin rug. Next to her was a tray with a carafe of wine, a chalice, a bee’s wax candle in a holder, matches, an athame, a scrying mirror, and a bowl of salt.

She carefully took the items and placed them between the sheepskin rug and the open doors. She took a handful of salt from the bowl and from the center of the sheepskin poured a circle around her. She picked up the athame in her left hand, pointed it down at the circle of salt, slowly turning left, and softly whispered,  

“Earth, Air, Water, and Wind, blessed be Awen, you who are of me and around me, guide me through the night, show me light in the darkness, so mote it be.”

When she had closed the protective circle, she sat naked on a sheepskin rug facing the outstretched forest below. All was quiet, tranquil ‘cept for the occasional eerie, forlorn hooting of a strix owl.

Brighid placed the scrying mirror in her lap, lit the candle, and drank the wine. Slowly she began taking deep belly breaths, breathing through the nose, exhaling through the mouth, releasing the stress in her body, and calming her mind.

She softly began chanting A-I-O, A-I-O, A-I-O, allowing her consciousness to shift and receive the flowing spirit of Awen, the wisdom of the trees, and the life force of Mother Nature.

She was no longer a Gallizenae, a ****** priestess of Enez Sun, but her power of sight had not totally faded. She still could see, albeit hazily, into the near distant future.  She knew the older she got, the more it would fade, and eventually, she’d lose her ability. Her Second Sight

The ****** priestesses were chosen because of their gift of Second Sight. As a priestess aged out, the remaining eight, would look and find girls coming of age who had Sight. Former priestesses from the mainland would fly to her, test her, and if she passed bring her to Tregont Mab for training. Of the handful, only one would be chosen.

A girl’s Second Sight started at menarche, which was starting earlier in modern girls, which made training harder as the girls didn’t have the emotional or intellectual maturity to understand what was happening to their bodies or the responsibilities of being a priestess.

The girls were taught the history, language, and customs of their people and given a new Celtic name. Then they would be taught the ways of the Druidesses, incantations, flight, command of the sea and weather, shapeshift into whatever animal, heal the sickest, and foretell the future. But most of all, they were taught devotion to the pilgrims seeking out their counsel.

When the Honored One was chosen, she’d fly to Enez Sun, and in a ceremony, a brass torc was permanently wrought around her neck, never to be removed, as a symbol of holiness, a protector of her people, a Gallizenae of Enez Sun.

As one of the nine Gallizenaes, and a Sacred ******, she could not be touched by man, and no men were allowed on the island of Enez Sun.

A Gallizenae loses her Sight at 25, the same time the human brain stops synaptic pruning and reaches full maturity. During a ceremony, she retires, flies to the mainland, where she is bathed, washed, and scented with oils. She is led to the center of a circle of her people, laid naked on a bed of flowers and herbs, and given a young ****** man to have sacred *** with. A druidess at their feet and a druid at their head, the young man’s throat is slit during *******, allowing the blood to spurt and spill on her, giving her his vitality. The druidess spreads the blood all over her body and hair, painting her in red from head to toe.

A feast is held, and the body of the young man is burnt in a wicker man, releasing his spirit to Awen as naked women danced ecstatically around the fire.

Brighid vividly remembers looking into the eyes of the young man when he ******* and his throat slit. It was that of ******* ecstasy then horror, as he realized he was dying. It had turned her on, feeling his **** spasming as he came, the sound of the knife slicing flesh, his last breath hissing from his cut throat, his body deflating, and his **** going limp inside her.

She remembered being painted in blood, the frenzied dancing, and going into a trance around the burning wicker man, then nothing else, except waking up the next day, no longer a ******, a priestess, a Gallizenae, and sobbing all day.    

She was still a druidess, and her new responsibility was to protect the nine Gallizenaes and her people. She would be sent out to live in French society, and listen for and report back any threats.

Brighid continued chanting, slowly going to a trance, and looking into the low yellow glowing candlelit scrying mirror. “Mother, maiden, crone,” she repeated, while never blinking or breaking eye contact with her reflected image.

A blackness slowly flooded her visual periphery, till all she could see were her eyes staring back and her. She stilled her mind, taking slow deep breaths. The eyes in the mirror morphed from her brown doe eyes to seductive sapphire blue cat eyes. The face slowly came to light and focus. A woman with shiny raven black hair, alabaster white skin, full lips, and stunning long-lashed sapphire blue cat eyes.

Brighid stared, enthralled by her beauty, her face forever burnt in her mind. She didn’t know who she was, but she knew she was dangerous.
256 · Apr 2023
indonesia
ghost queen Apr 2023
in a foreign land
i lose myself
forgetting who i was
not remembering my name
slowly accepting new ways
loving you
going native
254 · Nov 2023
loneliness
ghost queen Nov 2023
how lonely do you have to be
for the pain to be greater than the fear
of the perceived anxieties and inadequacies
while slowly starving from a lack of connection
as you medicate and fail to keep the void away
254 · Aug 2019
lovers in all but name
ghost queen Aug 2019
the secrets that are shared, texted late into the night, two adults, like teenagers, expressing fears of aging bodies, craving intimacy, emotional connection, in a life where there is none. forbidden by convention, drawn by desire, love has no age, no restrictions.

how can we be so close, intimate, but never touching, other than as students, practicing steps at a studio. when we touch, fingers linger, holds extend, bodies innocuously pressed together. there is a tension, never verbalized, an intention, signaled subtly, waiting for a reaction, courage, ebbing flowing, hands daring, waiting for a reprimand, that never comes. when words fail, my touch says everything, your body tells me so.

where is the point of no return when friends become lovers, when we share more than feelings, when touch is intentional, pleasing, satisfying, expressed openly.

it is a dangerous game we play, involving others, oblivious to our foreplay, guilty bystanders to our indiscretion.

living in the moment, aware of the consequences and aftermath, is the danger worth the hurt, why i am doing this, i already know the answer. of all the women to pursue, i choose you, because i can not have you.

how will it end, will we be found out, will you tire of me, what feelings will be left, when the novelty is gone, will the love remain, friendship linger, will we ever talk again, the power of love lies with the one that loves the least.

we are lovers in all but name.
251 · Feb 2023
darkness
ghost queen Feb 2023
it’s unbearable
numbing and crushing
destroying
my will
to live
this darkness
surrounded by loneliness
250 · Nov 2021
indifference
ghost queen Nov 2021
if god is not dead
then indifferent
to the human condition
as prayers are unanswered

the only difference
is how you behave
to love and cherish
and not hurt or hate
245 · Oct 2021
lonely girl
ghost queen Oct 2021
lonely girl
eating alone
in a corner
never looking up
from her book
wearing jeans
flip flops
and a sweater

you fascinate me
sitting there
oblivious
to your surroundings
a tourist
in my world

to approach
and talk
are you
a character
in my diary
or something more

i missed the moment
will never know
you paid the waiter
closed your book
met my eyes
smiled
turned
and disappeared
Nov 2, 2018 Friday Night  Bocce Italian Kitchen in Bishop Arts
245 · May 2019
morning thoughts
ghost queen May 2019
I was thinking about you this morning, imagining how it would feel to your have your body pressed against mine, your sweet lips kissing mine, my hands caressing your naked back...
First morning poem texted to new girlfriend, Jamie.
She replied, "Wow, good morning to you too, very dreamy."
244 · Aug 2021
extinction level event
ghost queen Aug 2021
existential crisis
extinct or extant
what comes next
remember snow
how about clouds
the IPCC says
it’s too late
we’re past
the point of no return
children cry
now it’s time
for all to die
Is anyone else afraid of climate change, and what it means for humanity?
243 · Aug 2019
you threw it all away
ghost queen Aug 2019
you set in motion, events which cascaded, your emotions imploded, descended into depression, you threw it all away. was it worth it, all the hurt, to yourself, those around you

i trusted you, let down my guard, let you in, only to have you wreak havoc, with my heart, i am trying to forgive, but the pain lingers, i can not forget, the emotional damage

i was there, your rock, tried to help, you pushed me away, self destructed, survivors shocked, after an explosion, trying to understand, what happened

i replay the end, endlessly, trying to fathom the unraveling, deciphering your words for clues, i feel helpless, i can’t understand, make sense of what happen

i pray you are happy, that you’ve found peace, have some tranquility
238 · Oct 2022
close
ghost queen Oct 2022
when the mind goes blind
the heart grows cold
souls extinguish
a child turns
you are called
by no one there
a flower wilts
a baby cries
how does it feel
knowing
you are dying
236 · Oct 2018
I Love You Hate Me
ghost queen Oct 2018
I love you
You hate me
I come near
You disappear

You beckoned
Come here
You signaled
Go away

I am confused
My ego bruised
I don’t understand
What do you want

I rescued you
You drove me away
I gave you  love
You faded from my life
233 · Aug 2021
instagram princess
ghost queen Aug 2021
you’re beautiful
but not useful
conceited and vain
an Instagram princess
a scarecrow
without a brain
Frank Baum's Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz
232 · Sep 2022
black sun
ghost queen Sep 2022
under a black sun
death came

bodies hang
from dule trees

a tragedy
of commons

each is guilt
all will die

maggots feast
none will cry
231 · Aug 2019
your scent on the pillow
ghost queen Aug 2019
i miss you most in the morning, when your side of the bed is empty, my hand reaching, expecting, feeling nothing. i roll over, the sun bright, rude in my eyes, i am sad, disappointed, i can’t love and be loved on this lazy morning. i grab your pillow, squeeze it against me, a poor substitute of you, i curl up around it, press my face into its softness, savoring your scent, the smell reminding me, wishing it was you.
226 · Dec 2021
snow queen’s tears
ghost queen Dec 2021
above the din
of a yuletide storm

listen carefully
you can hear
a woman
sobbing

she’s
trapped
in an ice cave
a prison
of her own making

in agonizing
isolation
unloved
unknown
wishing
for the warmth
the touch
of another

afraid to love
of being hurt
closing off
her heart
to others

pristine and lovely
is the snowfall
from the queen’s
weeping
226 · Apr 2021
intimacy
ghost queen Apr 2021
share with me
what is in your heart

tell me your dreams
your fears

make me feel safe
to bloom

give you my body
and intimacy
224 · Feb 2020
dance desire sex
ghost queen Feb 2020
i’ll never forget the first time we danced, at the social in august,
the heat and humidity of the summer night, intensified by the confines of the old wooden dance hall.

the music was electric, the crowd ecstatic when we locked eyes, and i asked you to dance. i took your hand, soft and moist, and led you to the middle of the dance floor.

surrounded by bodies, gyrating and spinning, i put my arm around you, pulled you near, pressing your body tightly against mine.

i held you in my arms, discovering, savoring the feel of your body, the wetness on your back, the earthiness of your scent.

i sensed the sensuality, the sexuality, the animal, inside you. never had i desired a woman as much as i desired you.
224 · Feb 2023
best
ghost queen Feb 2023
don’t be afraid
child
you’re young
the best is yet to come
221 · Oct 2021
the edge
ghost queen Oct 2021
as a child i was frighten, as an adult, i am weary when i walk the forest’s edge, a real and imaginary line between night and day, light and dark, life and death, the delineation of my tamed civilized world, and the chaos of the savage wilds.

i remember walking along the edge as a child, holding my mother’s hand, looking into the darkness, hoping to see something magical, to justify my fears, dismiss my suspicions, anything to alleviate the mundane, monotonous, insipidness of my bleak, desolate quotidian life.

i imagined mythical creatures in the forest, with the thrill and horror of an occasional siting of a real wolf trotting along the tree line, stopping at the site of me, making eye contact for a moment before slipping back into the darkness of the forest, feeling like prey, a rabbit in the middle of a meadow, hyper vigilant, knowing death is an instant away
221 · Oct 2021
angel's touch
ghost queen Oct 2021
your touch
slow gentle tender
soothes
chases away
my fears worries anxieties
i am safe
to sleep
dream
love
give myself
to you
217 · May 2019
born this way
ghost queen May 2019
Shut up and accept your fate
Quit whining about your lot in life
You were dealt the hand, now play it
Bluff or fold, make a choice or it makes you
There is nothing you can do to change the fact
You were born this way
216 · Apr 22
donkey or unicorn
ghost queen Apr 22
i’m a donkey with an ice cream cone on my forehead pretending to be a unicorn
What Teresa M. said when she saw how beautiful Laura V. was.
213 · Apr 2022
regrets
ghost queen Apr 2022
when you look down
at the body
of your mother
lying in a coffin
as the lid is closed
lowered in the ground
and covered by dirt
there is nothing else to say
but shed tears
of regret
213 · Jun 2021
secrets
ghost queen Jun 2021
i wrote it
for you

told the truth
i have no more

secrets
213 · Apr 2022
terrified
ghost queen Apr 2022
i lie
to myself
and others
when i say
I am not afraid
to die

it terrifies me
the idea
of ceasing
to exist
212 · Jun 2021
nasty woman
ghost queen Jun 2021
nasty
bitter
women
shun by all
for reasons
of your own making
rude
mean
spiteful
hurting
all around
you
211 · Oct 2023
distractions & lies
ghost queen Oct 2023
I lie and distract myself
to avoid confronting the truth
and avoid the pain
that I am lonely and afraid
210 · Jun 2021
henni
ghost queen Jun 2021
Henni
Henni
i shout
scream
with all my heart
to Allah and Yahweh
why
do you love me
my one and only love
197 · Apr 10
say it
ghost queen Apr 10
i miss you…so much…, it hurts
i can’t stop thinking about you…,dreaming about you
i need to feel you…, touch you…, smell and taste you
hear your whispers, moans, fears and secrets
feel your sweat and wetness against my skin
say it, i want to hear it, that you love me
and only me
Written for Laura V. March 16
196 · Oct 2021
fatalism
ghost queen Oct 2021
meaning is a myth, reality an illusion
resigning to the black inescapable fatalism
accepting one’s fate is predetermined
or worse yet, accidental and serendipitous

we all know our end, the end is coming
our life, consciousness finite and limited
the moment when the light extinguishes
and we cease to exist
196 · Jul 2021
sitting on my chevy
ghost queen Jul 2021
is it spring
or summer
remember our first
kiss
you were 14
your eyes singed

drinking beer
sitting on my chevy
dreaming big
small town kids
both virgins
exploring
each other
making out

do you
you ever think
of me?
185 · Nov 2019
addiction
ghost queen Nov 2019
I fear you, because I need you, to live, to cope, to feel good about continuing, and not slip into depression, it is a fools’s game pursuing a mirage, but how i do stop when the consequences are so high, the reality too hard, the pain so intolerable.

I am an addict, I’ve tried to pull back, run away, i get so far and succumb to the dark, the loneliness, the excruciating mental pain, curling up in a ball, sobbing, under the covers of my bed.

I need you so badly, i can’t live without you, what do i do, codependent, in this abusive freakish relationship, i need to leave or i will die, letting myself be killed, slowly, undeniably, who will rescue, save me, there are no saviors, no rescuers, nobody who cares.

i hurt so intensely, I would do anything for you, i love when i take you, dulling my senses, lulling me into serenity, peace and contentment, sleeping deeply, feeling safe in Morepheus’s arms, I am released, given a reprieve from all my fears and anxieties, at last carefree and happy, all by taking a pill into oblivion.
182 · Jan 15
laura v.
ghost queen Jan 15
like winter leaves
blown around
i grow cold
inside and out
i have no more tears
for her or myself
i’ve relinquished all hope
accepted my fate
of growing old
and dying alone
178 · Mar 2021
feel too much
ghost queen Mar 2021
i feel so much
take it in
too deep
i want to scream
with madness
and ecstasy
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