So, there was this time we were lying
on your bed, you looked at me like forever
and I sighed in contentment as you pulled me
closer. "You know, I can't climb into your body."
You laughed, "Why not?"
I  burrowed
you squeezed harder.

The next day, I went out
for my morning smoke, I looked
back and smiled as I sauntered through the door, laughing
at my ridiculousness,
you gave me the same look
you always do.
Should have been the first clue,
you wanted to tame
my wild.

God as a guise, you tried
to mold me into your version
of myself, hoping
you'd be able to love me
enough.

While you were holed up
peering down at the cells
running around your petri dish,
you missed the lesson about
letting wild things
be free.

Well, I'm jumping out
and if you think I will die then,
honey,
let it be where


I am free.

A million words inside
will never be known to the world like
the million inside you.
All seven billion with our own million
tumbling around our cement truck brains
turning and turning but,
never spilling out the cement stuck inside.
Yet,
here I am asking to know your words.
And hoping, you
want my mouth to form the shapes
and my vocal cords to work out the sound waves
so that we can know all of each other.

A million words inside my head
will never be known to the world just like
the million words inside you.
All seven billion of us are full
of our own million,
tumbling around our cement truck brains
turning and turning and turning but,
never spilling
out the cement stuck inside. And yet,
here I am asking to know your words. Hoping,
you want my words too. Hoping,
you want my mouth to form the shapes
and my vocal cords to work out the sound waves
so that we can know each other.

So
here it goes again
the little boy whose life was never his
and the woman
whose life was always hers.

I am a slow
motion
fall
deeper into fear.
The electric green of my personality
shocks, yet how I take form
in the shape of an X.
Close in on myself, sweat with
anticipation.
I am the number 17
an insignificant flash,
like a strobe light in your mind.
Rough like tree bark I am
a brick wall. I swim into my red veins
deep within my black mind.
Lost- I can’t see
Even with my eyes open.
I feel around the rough sandpaper edges
searching for an embrace.
Breaking glass sounds
I come apart.

I breathe you in like a morning
Cigarette.
Trying to remember all I must forget;
Touching my cheek as I’m crying
because a piece of my soul is…
Funny how love burns like those
Early morning drags.
The red line recedes with each new pull
all good things come

I breathe you in like a morning
cigarette. Trying to remember
all the things I need to forget.
Caresses on my cheek when I’m crying
because a little piece of my soul is…
dying. Funny how love burns our lungs,
like those early morning drags,
and makes us think in clichés as we burn
down the ****. Watching the little red line
getting closer to the end, while thinking
how all good things come to an,
well, you get the picture while I’m sinking and
drowning myself in those things I need to forget,
with each morning cigarette.

The covers cried out
as I break free of their greedy,
jealous grasp. First small victory…
I’m supposed to count those you know?
To remind myself to keep moving.
I still cut out my heart today
and sat it on the kitchen table.

The knife smiled at me,
small victory for it I guess.
I felt the air slaloming
between my ribs
on its way to my spine,
where it grabbed hold.
Cold, unforgiving.

I should be used to the cold,
it’s the same every today.
My needle pierces the scars
as I sew the thick flesh back in place,
to keep the cold out, of course.
Reminding me of the days
the victories weren’t enough.

I stand and put on my sweater,
grab the heart, and throw it in the trash
on my way to the covers
to ask their forgiveness for thinking
I would be strong enough today.
The victories can wait until tomorrow
after all.