In the backseat of your Audi, the three o clock shadow
slants across your face like a threat, makes you look
dangerous. Makes you look
interesting.
So what do you do?
I tell you
I write.
What does that mean?
It means walking into a crowd and getting lost in your head. It means finding loose change in your heart.  Means the world is your dysfunctional, perpetually disappointed, ailing mother. Means this isn't going to last.

But all you see is a silver smile.

happy is when you feel those butterflies for the first time
happy is being nervous on you're first date
happy is when you can be yourself around a new person
happy is when you can feel someone looking over and smiling at you
happy is not being able to contain your smile
happy is laughing all night long because of the person you're with
happy is when someone looks at you and smiles
happy is being spontaneous
happy is the little things like watching your favorite tv show
happy is sweet gestures like hand holding
happy is sharing thoughts and feelings
happy is not wanting to leave
happy is looking up at the stars at 11:30
happy is having the best hug of your life and not wanting to let go
happy is not being able to sleep because they're all you think about,
but when you do fall asleep you still have a smile on your face
happy is waking up with that same smile still on your face

I wish I could yell out all my anger
I wish I could cry away my sadness
I wish I could be allowed to feel my feelings but that is not the way a lady behaves.
So, I cross my legs
So, I smile and nod
So, I pretend