if i remember who You are
and all You can do

i need not worry because my life is in Your hands
and You have written my story
and whatever happens will be for Your glory

nothing i can do will change that
and i trust that You love all You see
and the plan You have will prosper and not harm me

therefore God, help me never forget
as all i do has already been set


*tors

how could i go from not caring
to this overwhelming feeling of inadequacy
so quickly

its all fallen apart
and the only thing getting me through
is that there's someone helping me pick up the pieces

maybe the reason i cannot write
is in having someone to confide in completely
i lost the need to put pen to paper
because everything has already been said

i want to write
i want to write so i can empty my brain from all the unnecessary thoughts
so i can look back tomorrow or next week or in a decade
(with you next to me)
and remember how i felt
feel
now

but i cant
there are too many words
too many thoughts
too many events      
too many emotions
that nothing is coherent
and im so spoilt for choice that i dont know what to say


*tors

i can see the secrets in your eyes
as you probe for mine
what you claim to despise
you say will come out in good time

why do you get to hold back
is there something wrong with me
that justifies your lack
just tell me who you want me to be            

because ultimately
if you were to share
the doubt of your intentions    
will no longer be there


*tors

our actions reflect our feelings
i dont hide it anymore
and it seems that
neither do you  

why then are we in this limbo
when you can change everything
                                              
while i 'know'
the flicker of uncertainty          
is bound to grow

please catch it before it becomes a fire


*tors

i look around and i see
heartbreak

the honeymoon phase is just that
a phase
and divorce is more common than ever
til death do us part be ******

i don't want to become a statistic of another failed marriage                                              
i don't ever want to lose that spark      
i may be naive,
ignorant
of the 'inevitable'
but i never want to love you with any less passion than i do now

yet you pushed me to
and i don't know if i can be with someone who's okay with that


*tors

are my inferences logical
or am i stitching innocent gestures together

you're getting in my head
and i don't know whether you put yourself there on purpose


*tors

my self control is failing

those tiny moments of happiness have been prioritized over the hours of analysis and regret

when people focus on the world there is pain

You tell us that worldly things do not matter
that they are meaningless
yet we find excuses to make them priorities

why?
for short term gain?
pleasure?
satisfaction?

in reality this lust for more, for better, for best
only causes pain
why is it hard to listen to you God when you are only looking out for us
why, even in knowing this, can i justify that what i want will help me glorify You

because if it were true
i wouldn't need convincing


*tors

how i envy those closest to me
the bitterness grows and despite feeling disgusted

in myself
in my character
i cant help it

how it gnaws at the calcium keeping my bones together


*tors