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For my 2016 writing project, I’ve decided to write a single line of poetry every day for an entire year. Below, is April’s poem. Enjoy!

Salvation was offered in the Safeway check-out line today.
It was delivered in the form of presumed morality.
Letting someone cut in line never seemed so significant.
I had to stand for what I believe,
Even if it meant denying who I used to be.

I believe in mankind.
I believe in shared humanity.
I believe your pain belongs to me.
My pain is your burden.
Our lives are shared.

For some, this message is too simple.
They are consumed with the folly of man.
All they ever see is sin.
Life is not that simple.
Man is machine complex.

He is built to be good.
Often, his selfishness rules the day.
Yet, his core is constructed to care.
His actions define the day.
As a species, he may disappoint you.
As an individual, I see potential.

I defend the human race.
I am a proud member of it.

Religion drove me to this point.
Towers falling forced me to look away.
I told the man in line the same thing.
He probably doubts my belief in humanity too!
Yet, I press forward.
Doing the absolute best I can.
I expect you to do the same.
When I was six, my grandmother enrolled me in ballet class.

     This choice was the first of many attempts to negate my tomboyish nature. Perhaps, she’d hoped that instead of collecting insects and cutting apart Barbie dolls, the pirouettes and glitzy attire might spin me. I was spun, eventually, but that had nothing to do with dance.

     Blame it on my peers; blame it on the tutus. Truth be told, my time was generally spent out of sight; but I got my kicks sneaking a reptiles home, playing with dinosaurs - never dolls, or - of course - taming earwigs. Alone.

     I don’t remember the classes, or the other little girls. In fact, the sole (no pun intended) impression left behind by those dance classes was why they'd end.
It was to be my first recital. The whole class had been coaxed into flashy leotards and uncomfortable tights. We’d been instructed to skip in a single file line onto the stage, which catalyzed my predicament, as I hadn’t a clue about the routine.

     As the girl preceding me danced into view, I floundered in terror – my turn had arrived. I fumbled along in her wake, passing the curtain and reaching the stage.

     The stage!

     An arena of ruthless lights, unveiling my anonymity. I faltered in terror, registering the audience registering me. How vast the auditorium looked against my tiny body! Betrayed by those blinding stage lights, I cowered at the mercy of the whole world.

     The instructor, a faceless female, was showing whose boss as girls began skipping around me.

    And yet, there I stood. Petrified that moving forward negated any hope of escape. My proximity to the curtain merited two options... the bright side of the curtains, which would soon claim everyone else in the vicinity, or the dark. I engaged in a mental game of Tug-a-war that lasted all of about half a second.

     The dark curtains won.

     So, dodging around the obnoxious ballerinas, I descended back into safety. It mattered not where I went, as long as I put distance between myself and the audience. Distance between myself, and detection.

     At some point, I discovered a backstage crevice, in which darkness sheathed me. For, even at five, I understood dark and safety to be synonyms.

     So, I crawled inside, and I hid.

     I don’t remember who went seeking. Nor, do I know who found me. Nobody is a possibility; it was an “Ollie, Ollie, Oxen Free” forfeit, perhaps. A rule that defeats the point of its own game. For at six, I was young enough to obey that “come out, come out, wherever you are” nonsense. But, such rules were dropkicked long ago.

     For, your existence – dear hide-and-seek – all but defines me. This game, that darkness, possesses my psyche.

     Some days, I ponder the uncertainty of memories. Vexed, for where memory dies, illusions are born. Illusions romanticizing reality – a reality in which I never came out, lost and unfound, a reality in which I’ll never come out, out, wherever I am. Hidden beneath the darkness.

     For, in truth, I have been hiding ever since.
(All poems original Copyright of Eva Denali Will © 2015, 2016)

Excerpt from my novel, Pretense.
 Apr 2016 Eddie Matikiti
Isabelle
When you stumble and fall
lose the brawl
and needs to crawl
Just look at the mirror
and you will see a savior

When you cry in pain
because they're all feign
and vain
Just look at the mirror
and you will see a savior

When you are alone at night
because they fight
and you wanted to plight
Just look at the mirror
and you will see a savior

Learn to be brave
and go with the wave
because in the end
they'll all gonna leave
so pick up your own ****
An old poem of mine. Yeah, I have learnt to save myself.
 Apr 2016 Eddie Matikiti
Torin
I could never hide in shadows
Lurking and lingering
A wall flower
I could never blend in with the crowd
I could never wait for my moment
My mind says my moment is now
And if I fail
I could never be unhappy that I tried

I could never hide my anger
Seething and boiling
A volcano
I could never keep from erupting
I could never count backwards from ten
My mind says I've been wronged
So be wrong
I could never accept the damage done

I could never hide my hope
Growing and calling
A spring flower
I could never help but reach for the sun
I could never accept that this is all there is
My mind says something more
And I reach for more
I could never have my life be any other way

I could never hide my love
Sweet and binding
A summers morning
I could never keep from singing louder than the birds
I could never keep from you
My mind says my love will save you
I dont know if it can
I could never believe that it can't
Written quickly, inspired maybe.
 Apr 2016 Eddie Matikiti
tamia
please do not look at me
so the butterflies in my stomach stop fluttering so achingly
please do not laugh with me
so your boyish grin does not find its way to my twilight dreams
please do not speak to me
so your winsome words are not all i hear in the summer daze
please do not care for me
so i do not believe you'll be there when i need someone in the dark of night
but instead,
please walk away from me
so i will get used to how it feels when you leave
please ignore me
so i forget the beautiful mind of yours that enthrals me
please be truthful to me, show me you don't care
so i know i am of no significance among the people in your life
please, break my heart already
so i have a reason to believe you will never be mine
 Apr 2016 Eddie Matikiti
tamia
i should not have opened the gates
once i heard the gallops of your horse
and the music of you, clad in metal armour,
you were not the knight who would save the damsel in distress i made myself up to be.
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