life is like
when you're
a little kid
and you
discover that
there is more
than twenty-four
crayons in the box
that there is
the possibility
of forty-eight colors
of sixty-four
of one-hundred and twenty
that there are
so many shades
of love and anger and peace and despair
and absolute bliss
and the ability
to express them all
are now
in the palm
of your hand

life is
colorful
beautiful
thought-provoking
lovely
soulful
heartbreak­ing
inspiring
and absolutely wonderful

every day is
a new sunrise
a new chance
to transform into
the butterfly you
want to be

go out there
and change the world, kid

a version of me once said
long, long ago

that my love for you
was like the universe

well clearly
i failed to mention
that you are the true expanse
of infinite starry night

you are dark
mysterious
chaos and peace
warm and cold, all at once
the beginning and end of all things
older and wiser than you appear to be
and absolutely
b e a u t i f u l

i don't know
what happened to you

i don't know
what happened to us

what i did wrong
what i did
for you to walk off
into your new life
and leave me in the dark

so many have told me
to forget about you
that i deserve someone better
someone that will make me happy
for the rest of my days

and maybe they're right
honestly
i couldn't tell you back then

all i knew is
some moments
i had a fire
burning bright and hot
in my soul
my hate burning up my despair
which seemed to have no end

but some moments
under the cover of night
when the world got quiet
and it was only me and the stars
i thought back on our happy moments
the few that we were able to steal for ourselves
and i couldn't help but smile at those precious memories
some of which i knew i would treasure forever
and i couldn't help but think
that you were the only person
who would ever understand me
and that i would only ever find happiness
in the messed up way i found it with you

it's funny
isn't it?
you betrayed me
you just disappeared without a word
even though you promised you never would

and yet
i think i forgive you

in the beginning
the sun met the moon
and she instantly fell in love

the story of the universe was yet uncertain
but their romance was written in the stars

he was quiet and cool
to her fire and passion
the perfect dichotomy
to the cosmos and beyond

but as it is said for anything
everything that can go wrong, will go wrong

and the sun and moon were ripped apart
only joined together
briefly during those moments
of dawn and dusk

but even that didn't stop them
from loving from afar

the universe

vast
uncharted
no limitations

just like
my love
for you

just imagine

early morning light
tickling in softly
through the windows

warmth slowly
spreading through
the room

sleep-filled thoughts
and notions
all disappear

once you see their
gentle eyes looking
down into yours

you feel this
small ache in the
pit of your stomach

it slowly spreads up
until it's a lump
in your throat

you think
you're star-struck

but rather
you find you simply
cannot breathe

they cup your cheek
brows furrowed
and they ask you
"darling, what's wrong?"

you open your mouth
you try to speak the words

but rather than
ruin the moment

rather than
ruin their happiness

you close your mouth

painfully swallow
down the lump

and offer up a small smile

and hope they do not see
the faint tears in your eyes

i feel myself awaken
from this syrup-like slumber
i rub my eyes and look around
sighing that there's another day ahead

i remember feeling your presence in my dreams
but i don't remember you speaking
or trying to get close to me
i don't even remember you being there at all
but nonetheless, i still felt you there

and that's the saddest thing of all, i think
because you no longer think of me
let alone dream

do you know
what it's like
to feel like you're
no longer
know yourself?

do you know
what it's like
to be in such pain
that it keeps you
frozen in place,
silently suffering
with no glimmer
of hope that it will end?

do you know
what it's like
to want
to make it all stop,
even if it causes
everyone that
you love pain?

do you know
what it's like
to find the strength
to put an end
to those thoughts
and keep on going
not because you want to,
but because you have to?

do you know
what it's like
to try and piece
yourself together,
though some
of the pieces to
the puzzle (the mess)
that is you
have gone missing?

and do you know
what it's like
for months
and months
to go by
and feel no change
within yourself?

then
a n  a n g e l

do you know
what it's like
to meet someone
and feel like you've
woken up from
a long and terrible dream?

do you know
what it's like
to be around someone
who understands
everything that
you're feeling?
who understands
what you’ve
been through?

do you know
what it's like
to find a kindred soul
at the height of despair?

and do you know
what it's like
to be reminded
that life is beautiful?
that you are beautiful too?

gone are the days
where i smile without restraint
where i snort without care
and sing to my own tune

gone are the days
where i breathe easy
where things come naturally
and make sense in this world

gone are the days
where i am i truly happy
where i live stress-free
if only for a second

my days consist of me
looking around
s e a r c h i n g
w  o  n  d  e  r  i  n  g

what is life worth living for
what am i holding on to

then i look over
and see you looking at me
taking in my expression
and offering up a smile
that can melt a glacier
that's been frozen
for a thousand years

and in that moment
i have the answer
to my question

you

you filled all my hopes and dreams
you became the star in my sky
you had me hanging every day
hoping to see you walk by

you knew what you meant to me
you saw how much i loved you
and yet you let it all slip by

you watched as i fell apart for you

you were not the end of me
you taught me to be strong

because of you i found real love
and you found love only in a bottle

what happens to broken hearts?

do they crumble in on themselves
and do not heal?
or do they spiral down
emotions like a wheel?

do broken hearts
forget how to feel?
or do they become as
cold and hard as steel?

in that life that was your wonderland
you wanted the world to see
wanted them to see your brand
of what it meant to be free
and in that spectacle of your land
you somehow managed to see me

you took me by the hand
and whispered you wanted me
wanted me to go and join you in the land
of just you and me
i wanted to go and make my stand
thinking it was meant to be

but when I was there and ready to go
you showed up and said no