i go back and forth
every couple of months
performing my ritual dance
of what ifs and i hopes

no matter what i do
i always return
to this ancestral place
of insecurity and naivety

i'm tired of this war
waged between
my mind and my heart
it's caused me to grow old
and become someone
who is tenfold my age

but time goes on
and i'm still here
performing the same dance
perfecting it for the grand finale
of when the vultures swoop in
and tear the remains of my heart to shreds

i'm tired of this war
i don't know how much more i can take
the voices around me say to drop the rope, the game is done
but i still find myself tugging with everything i have
which is only a fragile wish for a future
that may possibly never come