How could you know
that your smile makes me sad?
I wonder why it is
that something so simple
so insignificant
can hurt me?

But I also wonder
why you wore that shirt today
what color are your socks
and do you like sugar in your tea

These are the questions that rack my brain
every night
every day
until the end of time I'll ask myself
how do you do it?
How do you bear the agony of your heart?

Please.

Please.

Tell me.

I hang on your every word
it's like sunshine dripping from your lips
and I'm so thirsty
i'm dying from a thirst I never knew existed
you fill me up
all warm feeling
sun belly

Please.

Let's just stay this way

At times I feel socially awkward
hiding away those eyes from contact
mumbling and stuttering
as though I were stumbling,
upon the words as I was discovering.

Please don’t think I don’t want to talk
when I rush out,
Please don’t think I don’t want to talk,
when I don’t open your messages.

I escape out of nervosity
I feel the fuzziness in my head
butterflies in my stomach
nervosity in my nerves
lack of air in my lungs
tremble in my muscles
and the gritting of my teeth on my nails
as it drains every ounce of energy out of me.

I hide behind shadows
so I don’t encounter any social interaction.

No matter how many times I plan
and play a conversation in my head
I shudder and fret in reality,
making myself look like an awkward mess.

I want to be friends
I want to say hi
but the words do not escape
for I feel tongue tied.

I feel conscience and dreadful
for being such an awkward mess
choking on words
unable to let them
escape my tongue.

I am thinking
more than I am speaking
I can have a conversation in my head
but somehow, I find it difficult in reality.

But then you reach out
and make the first move
It makes it easier;
only to find myself
being an embarrassment once again.

But you don’t judge
you play it cool
and remain patient
you still show an eager to talk
and maybe that was what I needed
to be comfortable and me.

I exist near nowhere
floating,  detached
arms outstretched
can't quite grasp
the parameters
of your perception
borne of my own
cognitive deception
dissonant resonance
of different frequencies
than what I perceive