Looking at my life in my in observation
I was overcome with Frustration
Because of my circumstances and situation.
The present person of relation
had led believe that my trails and tribulations had made put me in a current state of vegetation.
As he slowly tried to Control my life by his evil plot of *******.
The more I tried to make an alteration
The more I tend to get into another altercation.
Lord Ive tried to be patience.
But this thing Im struggliing with has changed my spiritual location.
Giving in to temptation is the validation of where lies your process of transformation.
Because The biblical truth says no condemnation.
Living the Word is my job, my occupation.
So Now Im Guilty just by accsociation
In the world, I lost my identification.

From the human naked eye Im looking at my outter appearance Asking myself, "Really, Whom Am I?"
Am I a dove that gracfully flies so high in sky?
Immediately, I take a deep breath in and begun sigh.
Simultaneously I then break down and begun to cry
After being exposed to so many venomous and poisonous things makes me just wanna die.
So Next I ask God the famous question, "Lord Why?"
Just Then, in my mind, I hear a small still voice reply,
"If only you could see who you are Thru the Image of Gods view
You would be a completely different person as if you were a creature that was made brand new.
Seeing things thru Gods Perception
Changes the image of your own conception.
You see a Reflection of Impefection
He sees an abundance of love wrapped in blessings.
As you stare at yourself passing Judgement
He stares at you for you are a work of art I call Triumphant."
Lastly, He wishpers "Child you are a gift that is heaven sent.
No longer do I feel abandonment.
I have much appreciation for God allowing me to go thru this so I can understand the true meaning of humiliation.
This Quiet conversation is the conformation that in The heavenly Father is where I find my identification.

Am I missing something did I not get the position?
I have dedicated my Full attention.
Have I not given you my complete tuition with my scarfices and love as payment of admission.
I thought you were the musician and I was your composition.
Turns out you were just a magician with tricks secretly hidden.
You say you love me but after recognition
that statement is now judged with suspicion.
Because Love isnt based upon Condition.
How are we living together yet we are in divsion?
Unholy and sinning
Like a bad habit that you can't break its became a repetition.
Now I'm not trying to start an argument Because I can feel the tension,
But you forget to mention
if you are in my life on postive or negative mission.
Now maybe Im just fishing
And if I am the holy Spirit will bring me conviction,
But it seems I have to make a split decsion
That could bring me life like Vitamins are used in nutrition or prepare me for death like a mortician.
Now Thinking to my self in you I don't see a potential or a vision.
So I  Believe this is The ending of our expedition.
Because our love turn into a product of demolition
like 2 cars in an in an accident from a crash collision.
My Intuition is tell me to make this transition
To feel the void in My soul from what has been missing.
I am healing from within Because God is my Physician.
Feeling Free No longer an imate in Prison
For I am a Woman with ambition
I am rare, A limited Edition.

In My opinion You will never get the concept of Love's true definition.
If you did you would see love isn't based upon condition.

Have you felt like your life was incomplete like a fraction.
Because from the human eye you see nothing but dissatisfaction.
What's was your initial reaction?
Did you take action or act in an orderly fashion.
Just because you feel a mess doesnt mean you should walk in feebleness.
Dont be stressed, Its only but a test
To see where lies your faithfulness.
From the moment you Opened your heart to The father and Confessed
And commited your self, Surrendering to his will by simply saying Yes.
He Said, "My daughter Rise, shine, and with the armor of God get dressed.
For I have taken your brokenness to exchange it for your wholeness.
Now Take the straight and narrow path of Righteousness.
On this journey you will going through many things that you will have to examine and assess
but I poured upon you my strong spirit of Tenaciousness.
On the days you might feel the sensation of loneliness,
just seek me and you shall find me and you shall be blessed.
As you take this voyage The world will seem so dark and cold.
That even Depression, doubt, and fear will try to put you in A stronghold."

So Now I say to you, "My sister Don't you dare fold!
you have to proclaim the word of God courageously bold.
Let Jesus take the wheel and have complete control."
Just as Peter said to Eneas I speak this message to your inner man called the soul,
"Arise For Jesus Christ maketh thee Whole."

God is using you as a vessel
Because To him you very special
The kind of special a Woman feels when wearing her wedding gown.
You are the elegant jewels that shine intensely upon The Kings Golden Crown.
You are not inclusive.
But Rather Exclusive
just as a guitar that's acoustic
The sound of its music can be very therapeutic.
like a seed that has been planted in the soil deeply rooted.
Dont let devil in your life to pollute it.
Just like Jesus We have to be prosecuted
Because we took on the his spirit for ours  substituted.
Remember we are spiritual beings in the the body of fleshy men.
As long as you Let Jesus be your LPN
you will be complete in him
Says the book of Colossians chapter 2 verse ten.

You got to have faith believer and walk the talk.
Just as Jesus said to a lame man I say yoi to you too, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.
In reference to The book of John chapter 5 verse 6.
You are never too broken To be fix as along as you Got God in the mix!
Make It A goal for The most High to purify your heart mind body and soul
So that in him you will be a brand new creature made whole.

Have you ever felt so volatile
That you would beg God take your life Right here right now.
Struggling to stay postive but you just dont see how.
Life hits you with a Right hook, next a left hook, then shoots you 2 twice, pow pow.
Then you start Thinking to yourself, "Man Wow!"

As I look at my life I see nothing but shame and dishonor.
Father,
So many negative thoughts I Ponder
Then my mind begans to wonder.

Drowning in my own brain I became obstuct like i was sitting in the car, in the middle of a traffic jam, just stuck.
Down on my luck.
Fear and doubt would aggressively poke
And depression begun to grab me by my throat and I would violently choke.
In my tears i would soak because my wicked ways left me dead and broke.
I went astray, knowing that for my transgressions I would have to pay.
No matter what trials came my way.
I foughter harder and harder every day
So Finally I got on my kness confessingly  I begun to pray.
Because my Spiritual Corruption lead me on a path of destruction.
So my life had to be taken in an abduction So I could hear God clearly when he gave his reintroduction.
From then on, Living to serve God became my function.
The Father, The Son, And the Spirit and I became 1 supernatural junction.
Now Im a believer Under construction.

I've accepted the Conversion.
Because I Know he Exist For Certain.

Suddenly my life started changing.
Order took place as things started rearanging.
Like clay in the hands of a potter he started molding and shaping me.
Remaking me a version of authenticity!
I share his truth declaring it with audacity, as he helps me walk according to whom he has predestined me to be.
Like an athlete going through reconditioning
My spiritual man is quickening.
My soul begans to Awaken.
With each biblical reading I take in.
There is healing from within.
It so Intoxicating like a kiss to the skin.
Just being cleansed from sin leaves you feeling Invigorating.
Going through this modification Ive seen much alteration.
God has remove things with the process of elimination.
Just as a butterfly going through metamorphosis is lesson in grade school education so is a spiritual journey of Transformation.
I'm becoming believer In Formation!

Maybe the idea just might be a little crazy
The purpose isnt just to date me.
But Initially, Courting me to discover a chance of a future with you that we both can see, Maybe ???
Potentially, Could you Open your mind to that possibility?
Im desiring to be more than just a mans lady,
I want to hear more than just those words of, "That's my baby!"
I want a lifetime of love and longegevity
Because real Love Lives on forever like eternity,
With a solid foundation of stability.
Someone who understands you perspicaciously.
I want Him to look me in the windows of my soul,
Til I my Feelings become overwhelmingly out of control
As he holds my hands so clammy and cold
He says,  "From the Crown of your head and beyond your beautiful soul
All i want is your heart to have and uphold.
Being as though you are a precious gift from God above,
Would you be so kind to me and share your precious love.
Would you do me a favor and honor me with monogamy?
With hopes of lasting a lifelong plus a century.
We can take the journey together hand and hand in holy matrimony.
Embracing the notion of compassion and devotion.
And with our hearts open as wide and as deep as the endeavors blue seas of the ocean.
Vowing Committingly,
In front of the Holy Trinity,
Our loved ones, the congregation and our Family
Promising to genuinely cherish thee
Loving all of thee, internally and externally
Wanting more than just to connect romantically
I plan to be,
More than just a mere fantasy
We will live in a place of ecstasy
While blossoming into a relationship where we can grow together spiritually.
In order for True love to to exist
We first must have God in the midst
Of all of this.
No longer will we separately coexist.
Im hoping that you understand and get the gist.
Because Im looking forward to you and I becoming one Combined.
Im looking Forward to our Souls to interlock and twist together morphing into one spirit intertwined.
For you are my Rib and I am your Spine.
We can become two Souls that Co-inside on one accord with God's word our heart and minds will align.
So will you please be mine
So we can love each other together forever and transcend until the end of time."

Too bad a love like this only exist in my mind.
Trapped in my thoughts and dreams like a prisoner who has been on in shackles and confined.
Just a daydream that allowed the  hallucination to grow into fabrication of my imagination.
With hopes that my mental creation would some day become a manifestation.
Trusting Gods Perfect Timing so I will be patience.
The Lord knows the desires of my heart that Im craving.
So Dear Love I am standing here awaiting.

Thank you for seeing fit to making simple me wonderful and beautifully.
I've left you, walked away.
There were Times when I have forgotten to pray.
I cursed you when trials have come my way.
Forgetting that you were always right there for me.
Waiting with open arms so pure and holy.
This is what I call a true love story.
The Evidence is in your majestic glory.
Thank you God for eyes to see as I look around and take in your artistic creativity.
Look at The birds and the bees
Even The sun, the moon, the stars, and  the trees.
Thank you father for separating the land from the sea.
Thank you for sending Jesus to dying upon the cross so we might have life more Abundantly.
But more most Importantly
I Thank You God for loving little old me Unconditionally.
Thank God for who you called me to be.
A woman who's motherly ears hear the sound of her child's cry as thier life I bare.
Thank you Father for my ears so that when you call upon me your voice i will hear.
When I felt alone your presence filled the room to let me know you were always right there.
There was a sudden shift in the atmosphere.
Even when I felt so far away from you you were always near.
Thank you catching the rivers flowing from my face called tears.
Thank you for these past 28 adventurous years.
Thank you bringing me thru the struggle,
You never gave up on me no matter how many times I would fall down or buckle.
Thank You Father for a mouth to speak.
So when I became weak I use this technique; I fuse my mouth and heart together so in you I will seek
To gain strength in my spiritual physique.
Walking with you I am constantly being critiqued but thats what sets me apart and makes me uniquely mystique.
Thank you Father for my brain so I can think.
Giving me the power to move my body and be able to blink upon instinct.
Together My brain, heart, and mouth become in sync,
Then the physical can develop into one link.

Have you ever crossed paths with a person who's words were kind?
Then when you are not paying attention they strip naked and robbed you blind.
When all along they had you thinking they were a person who was truely divine.
Listen to my story as I press Rewind.

Once upon at time,
He was my rhythm and I was his rhyme.
I fell in love with him but I barely gotten to know em.
Our relationship was like words scripted from a love poem.
Its started off as a sweet song, harmonized tone, with a beautiful melody.
It was blissful, so euphoric, and heavenly.
Almost like a fairytale story told in a musical symphony.
It turned into more than what i imagined it would be.
Intensely!
Our eyes would lock and make love passionately.
Almost as if we were saying I'm in love with you telepathically.
Our minds, our thoughts, our spirits were attractive intimately.
I yearned for his touch,
I wanted him to love me just as much.
We had laughs and smiles that last for miles and miles.
I even Envisioned me walking toward him in white dress down the Asile.
Then he turned to me and said, " You stole my heart without even telling me. Now I must arrest your heart and charge it with a felony."
We sky dived head first into love and we were drunk in it, madly.
Obsessed with him, I was desparate and felt I needed him badly.
He saw beyond what every man couldn't possibly see.
He surpassed the physical state and Met me spiritually.
Thats when he took the key,
Loosen the cuffs and set it free.
I thought God must have sent him because I prayed for and Angel to come Rescue Me.
From then on I thought I knew we were meant to be.
Unfortunately,
Its was never love it was just lust.
It was the evil spirits we were secretly fighting deeply rooted inside of us.
Our demons recognized each other and discovered and attraction.
Thriving and preying on each other's compassion
Just to get a negative reaction.
Living together in Sin with much dissatisfaction.
Maybe we got too close.
Perhaps, your love was a toxic drug and I begun to overdose.
Felt like you were the parasite and I was the host.
Feasting upon my heart and emotions as if they were a juicy tender tasting *** roast.
We were cutting each other deep forgetting that we sow what we reap.
We went from loving human beings to acting vengeful and savagely mean.
Fighting each other Exceedingly in a way that was filthy and unclean.
Towards each other we grew apart, cold and keen.
The false love lead us on wild goose chase actively searching.
From that moment when I followed him to the bedroom and I gave to him a prized possession most call by the name of "That One Thing"
We both became Undeserving.
That "One Thing" is something that I should have been preserving.
The time i spent serving,
Is when I should have been picking up on you and learning.
I was trying to prove to for you I would do almost anything.
So I gave myself as a offering.
I even bared two children a male and female offspring.
But it didnt mean a thing because I was only suppose to be a fling.
Dear Mr. Lying King
     Has the taste of my love left upon your life with painful sting.
Even though he seem to be suffering,
still to me he still tends to cling.
He needed me like the violin needs its strings.
He would stay stuff like, "You belong to me."
But Someone please tell me How could that be?
How Could I be his Good thing,
For upon this Finger lies no wedding ring.?
We both became vulnerable and open.
We were confused over the words we have previously spoken.
The words that were spoken about love being a precious token.
But we were both victims of being broken.
Broken like a glass cup being thrown at concrete wall.
I took a step with him but he just sat there watching me as I fall.
He stole my youth, my peace, and everything that was wrightfully mine.
Left my world dark cold and lonely because he took Sun shine.
This is where I draw the line.
This had me wondering if this a modern day lynching.
Due to These feelings Im witnessing
Got me thinking, Could this be my death sentencing?
Symbolically your mental physically and verbal abuse. Has me Feeling as if I'm hanging from a tree as my neck is wrappped with rope from a noose.
Screaming, "Somebody help me cut me loose."
So I close my eyes praying for my repentance. Struggling, finding it hard to breathe with each statement and sentence.
Father Here I am seeking you once again humbly.
At this point I know you really should be done with me.
I know you are probably tired of hearing me cry.
Even asking myself A thousand and one times, "why man why?"
I know you are tired of hearing me complain and wine.
But Im tired of hiding behind a fake smile knowing that I am not really fine.
Lord give me a signal or show me sign.
All these thoughts are pacing rapidly thru my head and im slowly losing my mind.
As I pray GOD my life realign.
I put all the bad things away Im leaving it all behind.
For God has put me on another case, which he reassigned.
I came across scriptures, poetry, songs and books and I read it and this is what i find.
My story was just a tale of 2 souls that became one combined.
"How" , you ask because they're souls turned into 1 soul intertwined.
Thats how it was originally planned to be designed.
The one becomes the others rib and the other becomes the backbone/spine. But if you are unequally yoked and not spiritually inclined
It will all be just a mere waste of precious time.
So the next time somebody ask you for *** before marriage would you immediately decline?
Yeah he/she may be fine,
Maybe he/she is even one of a kind.
But all of that means nothing if you can't love their mind.
Dont walk around here being loved deadly and blind.

Just Experienced a Spiritual Cleansing
Even those wicked ideas that entered my mind from the very begining.
He purged me from my awful ways of sinning.
He purified my mind and changed my way of living.
Time to do The correct Thing.
Live My life pleasing my My Heavenly King.
So Yahweh take this of words as a symbolic form for a wedding ring as my offering.
Inhale........
Exhale .........
Ahhhhh Refreshing!
Professing and Expressing all the many marvellous blessings.
Just being in his extended arms of caressing.
Towards the mark Im suppressing
Suggesting that Im Progressing.
Yahweh you are the best thing.
Its in you that I find my nesting.
You are The wind beneath my wings
The lyrics to the songs I sing.
You are my Everything
You are is My Identity
Your spirit fills the inside of me.
There is No one Greater
Than My Magnificent Savior,
You are My Wonderous Creator
You are the air That I breathe.
My thoughts before they were conceived.
Your love is so soothing,
Theres evidence of you moving.
Abiding in me ruling,
The reason why my soul is healing.
What a wonderful feeling!
Intertwined with spiritual insight
So Majestic, Golrious with Delight.
I Thirst for wisdom being quenched
From the moment I fell in love with you it all made perfect sense.
The more Time I spend in your presence
Im am convinced
That you gotta be Heaven-sent.
Ive never felt this real and so intimate.
So this relationship must be legitimate.
You took me out of my element.
Digging deeper into the old and new testament.
Like a camera you used the negatives for my development.
You gave me a new diet a new regiment.
Showed me Compassion and love, you are very affectionate.
Thank you For my getting me thru my 3 prerequisite:  which is Being Real, Being Righteous and Being Relevant.
You shaped me draped me into a modern day woman of Proverbs 31.
Im forever grateful for all that you have done.
Ill try to do my best not to break our spiritual covenant for with that comes an eternity fire of suffering and punishment.

Do you seek me Efficienctly?
Do you love me, truely?
Am I your Identity?
Can you hear and feel me?
Am I your Pursuit?
Is it Evident in your Fruit?
Or are you just a *******
Exchanging your body, your talents and gifts for worldly loot.
Are you on the right path taking the right route?

Dont be a Lukewarm Christian
But be Mindful and vigilant,
Pay Attention!
Be on A misson.
Be A Testimony, A living Witness.
Be about Your Father's Businesses.
Dont Be A Lukewarm Christian.
See This was my learning experience from where I have been.
Forgetting that I was born into sin.
So I went to taste its evil bliss very now and again.
Like my pores on my skin,
I open myself up and let it come in.
Sin became like fake friend.
Distracting me from The real focus which was keeping my mind stayed on him.
Sin was Like friction and separated me from God like division.

Although I prayed, "Lord Crucify my flesh
Because I know Im a wretched mess
And You deserve praises of Gratitude nothing less than my very best.
I'm Tired of being a damsel in distress.
Distraught with feelings of being oppressed.
Drowning in pools of Sorrows and seeing  my unworthyness.
Ive sinned.
I'm not right within.
I must verbalize with my mouth and thru my heart I Confess.
How did I became such a wretched mess?
Father I am Down right guilty.
And now Feeling stupid, and filthy.
Ugly, replusive and Grotesque.
Ashamed that became such a wretched mess."
The Fire of Anger Is Raging.
But I heard his voice say, "But My love is never failing or unchanging."
So Now I'm distorted.
Crying, drooling, and  I think I even snorted.
Thinking about all the visions you had planned for me, aborted.
You gave me love Grace and mercy but I gave nothing in return, You felt shorted.
Didn't even realized That our realtionship was being compromised.
I became unsightly hideous.
In this I became Furious,
Mad at the world because I let Lust come between us.
No peace no quite all I do is fuss and fuss.
I claimed to died to my self so in you i have been reborn.
But apart of me is still sinful, angry, beat down, *******, broken and torn.
My Heart is shatter and selfishly I mourn,
Even though I never thought that It was I who left you brutally scorned.
Was I ever real or was It just an act on staged being Performed.
Cuz Im feeling Conviction from the spirit Tell Me I was just A Christian being Lukewarm.
On a daily, crying faithfully asked people just to pray for me.
Walking through life Shamefully
When I should be Praise The Most High Thankfully.
Talking And thinking Mentally
Ultimately, will he always wait for me?
Consciously Rethinking will I ever make it to eternity?
I just cant see Myself being worthy.
Am I truely walking Accordingly?
Am I really seeking his word so it can transfrom me?
Is my life a Prouduct of me worshiping thee?
After all the pain and the suffering.
After All that you went thru just to Sacrifice your only begotten son for our covering.
Just that thought alone left my mind blundering,
Staring and Sitting in deep thought Wondering.............
Am I causing myself spiritual harm?
Because I put on my fake smile and throw in my charm.
Am I Christian Thats Lukewarm.?"
If you so Wake up and Stop hitting the Snooze button on the Alarm.
If this sounds like you, you have been warned!

Have you Ever Felt Like You aren't a success because you feel rather less than the best.
Well please Listen to my request:
TRUST THE PROCESS!
For it shows that you are Making progress.
God is prepping you for A favorable outcome.
So hold on tight because he is not yet done.
These Additives are a requirement
To bringing you out of the old and into your new environment.
Out of Obedience I give to you the following Ingredients:

Add a teaspoon of hopelessness with a pinch of replusiveness
Pour a cup of Persecution, and  Mix it with neagtive thoughts invading the mind with pollution.
Next Add a spoonful of Despair.
Just a dash of feeling loneliness here and there.
Sprinkle in the feelings of failure and doubt
Because day in and day out you don't see things working out.
Stir in a pint of Suffering.
Just enough to leave you Uttering, "LORD, I NEED YOUR GOVERNORING"
Add a gallon of Sorrow with
Prayers and hopes of the pain ending tomorrow.
Mix in a few drops of Tears
As You seek Counsel from The Big Man Upstairs.
Put in a hint of Embrassment from the harassment due to impaired judgement.
Stir in the Dissapointment for You need to Go through this to get your anointing.

Then, Humbly we come to seek you in despartion
Bringing to you our circumstances and current situation.
Blend in the Senation of Humiliation
Now watch the beautification and Wonders of your transformation To His Marvelous  Mastepiece: His Beautiful Creation.
This was all a part of The Process
So his love you could gain access to and possess, dwell within you just so you could be blessed and exchange for our heavy burdens for Rest.
These are The Ingredients For Success!
If you never Experience poverty, being striken and ill health
You would never know the true meaning of  prosperity, riches and Wealth.
SO I DARE YOU to Trust Yah as he guides you on this journey to finding your true self.

When Im feeling like a Neglected Soul
The Presence Of The Most High Becomes Increasingly Mighty and Bold.
The Holy Spirit becomes So Strong that  My Flesh is overthrown and it knocks me Out cold.
I'm no longer in Control. The Messiah Overtakes and has a hold.
Upon entering into a Stillness
And Engaging at the Beauty of such realness
I can hear and feel this.....
Pure Silence, Peace and quiet.
Encountering this blissful moment in private.
In this place of dwelling
Here,  His grace and mercy is never failing
Here, His Unconditional Love abides
A place where Only God Resides.
A spiritual Realm
where in your loving arms is the Only place I can be found
Where I can leave behind the world and worries and enter into The Great escape.
In your spiritual agape, You My potter, mold me into shape.
This is a place that is hidden
Beyond Earth in another dimision
Even with my eyes Closed He still gives me vision.
A place where I'm drifting thru time and gracefully floating space.
This is our secret Place.
The place where I am safe and secure.
Now realizing All the Things I had to endure was for my personal growth so I could Mature.
Dimishing my mind and heart of the stress
Casting all my cares upon you in Exchange for my Rest.
You took away my brokeness
in exchange for soulfulness and wholesomeness.
Surely I am Blessed.
Happily, I give you Gratitude and Thankfulness!
Yahweh Is The Best.

Its Pitch Black, so lonely and cold
There's not a single hand here to hold
Nobody Not Even A soul.
Stuck in the deep dark hole.
But I know My God is Still in Control.
As my head begins to pulsate thanks to my migraine Headache.
Just then I faint upon my intake.
Realzing I'm Unconscious, no longer am I awake
I can feel the firery hate in all the words that Everyone had once spake.
Spiteful words glide ****** my mind slithering like snake from behind.
Satans hoping that I might take the bait so he can unwind.
Feelings of being Mistreated and misused
Being Mentally, Physically, and Emotionally Abused.
The feeling of abandonement after being used
In desparate need of someone to talk to
Sinking without you......
I'm lost.... feeling hopeless.....
Lord I cant even begin to cope with this.
Help me to stay postive and gain back my focus.
Father please dont let my prayers Go unoticed.
Im suffering from this massive Heartache cant you feel my heart beginning to break with each breathe that I take.
But it was my Mistake.
Knowing I had Everything to lose at steak.
Now Im Experiencing my life shaking in an Earthquake.
Forgive me Lord I love you with all my heart and soul. Make me whole and console
I know that My God is still in Control.

I shed so many Tears
Especially within these past few Years
I have faced my biggest Fears.
Suddenly I hear 2 different wishpers in my ears.
Satan: "Girl, Can't you hear?“
God: "Have No Fear For I am Here!"
Satan:" You can't and won't Do this!"
God: In all Of This I am In the midst!
Satan: Throw in the Towel,Give up, Quit!
God: You have me and you Are fully equipped, My Child you can make it.
Because I didn't give up I didn't quit. I fought with grit of the holy spirit. And God protected me from Every blow and hit.
This is a spiritual battle From Within......
As Long as God Is on my Side Satan Can't And won't Win.

I Solemnly Swear
No else would ever come close or ever compare.
To your unconditional Tender love and care.
Unaware that my hearts under repair.
Im Mentally Gone but Physically There.
Could this be a Secret love affair?
Can't you sense the attraction in the atmosphere?
maybe its in the confidence that you wear?
Because Out of the corner of my eye
One day you caught me by suprise
I think you could be my angel in disguise
All in my feelings, you Got me over here mesmorized.
The Presences of this King was Strong and So bold.
With Such beauty my vision could barely behold.
Truth Be Told,
You precious to Me, more valuable than Gold.
From that moment on I knew you already had my heart sold.
Something intrigues me to you.
Is it because you are Respectful, Honest, and True?
Maybe its in reference to the little things you do.
You are Something so Extraordinaire
Hard to come, So Exquisite and rare.
Even when I'm broke you got me feeling like a multi millionaire.
You give me butterflies.
Got me floating like the clouds above in blue skies.
Having vision about you and I
Becoming as One and Unify.
You as my King and Me as Your Queen.
You are the drug and Im the Fein.
I need you so bad I could scream
You are surreal to me like a dream.
You set my heart on fire.
With a passionate buring for desire.
My Confession is I sit here secretly watching you and Admire.

Sincerely Your
Secret Admirer.

Surrender, Submit & Commit
Just do it and be Legit.
Commit to Yah with your Heart, mind, body and soul.
Let Him take hold and be in Control.
Stop hiding, stop fighting, just Surrender.
Lift your hands and bask in the ambience of His great splendour.
Submit to him full custody
Put your faith and Truth in Thee.
Choose Wisely before you Serve Adonai.
Because you must serve him Spiritually and Truthfully.
Enter into Shalom, no more rigamarole.
The goal is to console,
Renew your mind and be made whole.
Surrender, Submit & Commit
Sit and think on it for just a tad bit.
I hope you can understand these words i spit.
Because its for your benefit.
Take heed to these words and embrace it.
Are you ready to Surrender, Submit & Commit?
Mentally without a doubt
Are you are ready to see what he's is all about.
Gracefully to him bow,
So do it, right here, right now!
Fully give yourself to him, Admit.
Surrender, Submit & Commit.

Just when you think worry and fear will always be there
This is what you should be mentally prepare
W.O.R.R.Y

Wandering aimlessly
Obessional overthinking
Restricted &
Restained
Yielding to the mind, the thoughts in our brain.

You cannot say you have faith in The most high and worry.
Maybe your sight is off and your vision is just a little blurry.
Worry is a slight stumble in your walk of faith. Faith is trust. Have Faith and believe is a must.
Trust is having the ability to stand firmly in The assurance of someone or something with absolutely certainty.
Worry limits your endless amount of Possibility.
I hope you are listening to me.
A faith defined by worry is an immobile one.
Worry can be a bullet in a loaded gun.
So Dont worry for Worry tiggers fear.
Fear that you have you feeling like the End is near.
F.E.A.R.

False
Evidence
Appearing to be
Real
Fear is unreal just abunch of emotional turbulence we feel.
Dont fear hurt because you would never know comfort.
Fearing is something we need to abort.
Dont fear Pain. Because pain bares strength.
Dont fear being broken because you would never know what is feels like to be made whole.
Dont let fear be In control
Dont fear falling because it gets better when you arise.
You will be suprised Once you think and realize.
Dont fear rejection for Its Yahs Guidance and redirection.
Just keep yourself deep in the truth.
And try your best to learn from your mistakes so we can help redirect our misguided youth.

I am Me,
Wholeheartedly!
I am more than what you see.
I am Authentic
I will not be Misrepresented
I am Beautiful
I am Steadfast and immovable.
I am Courageous
My smile is contagious.
Interestingly
My skin glows radiently
Its Honey Golden Complexion
Was kissed by the Sun embracing my imperfection.
The passion in me
Flows pleasantly
I am Unique.
I am the Words I speak.
I am Strong
Hidden within the message of a Wonderful Song.
I am Powerful.
Magnificent and bountiful.
I am a lover
Im like no other.
I am a Mother
A woman of color
I am Resilient
Im one and a million
Just As Pocahontas
I am Conscious
A Descendent From Royalty Unseen
For I am a Hebrew Queen.
And I am Me.
Wholeheartedly!

Our Realtionship became like the game of truth or dare.
Unaware that the questionnaire would make an emotional wear and tear.
Aurguements Reached despair.
That was the end of our enchanting love affair.
My mouth became a ***** chair
Because you turned into a grizzly bear.
What happened to us Dear?
Because The I can taste the hatered in the air
Everytime that you and I are near
I sense the tension in the atmosphere
Its like you can suspect my fear.
No Warning sign! So Just Beware.
Love doesnt live Here.
Nor does it dwell there.
I became your toxin
And so you became boxed and locked in
Confused and had no other option.
And You, You were my deadly venom
You were like a strong Wind with Serious Momentum.
Our feelings we resent 'em.
We became each others addiction.
Triggering Afflection
Feeling Constriction.
Generating Friction
Mentally and Emotionally we have both given an eviction.
for each other we dont even seem to care.
At first it was so sincere.
But now this burdern I can no longer bare.
Now our hearts are well aware
That Love Doesnt live here
Nor does it dwell there.

Scattered Thoughts
Spiritual battles fought
Unanswered questions outlined.
Struggling daily with Battles of the Mind
Mentally twisted and confined.
Trying to Find what on earth is my purpose.
Scratching beneath the surface.
Unearth to know how much much our worth is.
Focus your mental on the fundamental.
Finding potential is very essential.
Although Its not authentic if your heart's not in it.
Having Curious faith in a limitless God
That accepts me for me Imperfect and Flawed
I'm so Amazed and in awed.
When Gods Super collides with your Natural sparks will fly.
For he is the one whom you can depend on and rely.
His word say we will mount up like wings and fly high in the sky.
So at the end of the day To him I mediate and  pray.
He is my lullaby.
Queitly in my bed its Just Him and I
Then puts me peacefully to sleep in the blink of an eye.
In the Morning he plants me on my feet on solid ground to rise.
In His love I became baptize.
So I open my mouth to give him To Praise.
Im just Happy for my savior loving me always.

See her as she walks,
Even The manner in which she talks.
She walks boldy with confidence.
She walks awoken with consciousness.
She walks with her head held high as she looks upon Her Father in the heavenly sky.
As she walks by they get one glance into her eyes.
Something that is so unexplainable that they can't began to Identify.
Something that they cant seem to recognize
Its something thats catches them by surprise.
No man can touch the flourishing fruit her of tree.
Its something in her that even a blind man can see.
How is it that she walks and smiles with such glee?
She walks humbly and gracefully.
She walks shamelessly and Courageously.
For She walks Daily faithfully and gratefully with the Almighty.
It happened the day He waited for her so patiently
She came to him on her bending knee to taste The greatness of thee.
His prescence became so contagious
That In her life she made many of changes.
She sought his face Tenaciously
Now In her heart is his place of residency.
Thats why when she walks its as if shes floating so heavenly.
You are seeing the Glowing of Her fathers Spirit overflowing from her majestically.

He is The ink to my ball point pen
He is My lover and my Friend.
He Loves me despite of all my sins.
He is The Victory of all my wins
He is The Alpha Omega the begining and the end.
He cleanse new over and over again.
He strengthens me when I feel weaken.
He Gave me hope and something to believe in.
His word and his love is embedded Deep within.
His scripture helps me get the bigger picture.
He lifts me up Spiritually so I will not wither.
Greater is He
That is within me.
HalleluYah for he has set me free!
I will Forever Ever praise Thee

When I look in the mirror of my reflection,
I see just another human being swallowed up in depression.
When you look in the mirror do you like what you see?
Is the self esteem absentee?
Are you only 5" 3'?
Have the bags under your eyes,
Caught you by Surprise.
Are you having a problem with you weight and size?
Is your extra skin saggy?
Or maybe your stomach is a tiny bit flabby.
Then I looked back at my daughter,
Thats when the tears came running down, and my spirit fought a little harder.
Then I spoke Encouragement to myself and said,
"Negativity and Self destruction, you are dead!"
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
That's what I told her.
Stop trying to let society mold her and control her. Simply love her and walk a little bolder.
Stop trying to recreate who God made you to be.
For he has Made you Beautiful and Wonderfully.
Your Reflection doesn't define you.
For your character and spirit do.
The true beauty lies embedded deep within.
Even with the pimples on your face and chin
Embrace and love the skin you're in.
Healing the disconnection
By viewing Reflections of My Imperfections.

The love for my Significant other use to be so grate.
I fell in love on the first date
My naive behind thought it was fate.
My heart use to long for Him 'til the dusk of day.
I use to Cry at the very thought of  Him being away,
Our love was as beautiful as the Day in the month of May.

Day and Night For Him I would pray,
That no harm would ever come his way.
And that our love never goes astray.
So they say,
Be careful what you wish for because it just might come true.
Cause now I'm stuck to you like glue
Even though I don't want to
I'm bitter, tired, and now I can't stand you.
For 5 longs years Its been Hell.
All we do is Scream and Yell.
Our business to our friends we tend to tell.
In this relationship we feel like we are both prisoners in jail. And we don't even have a cell, bond or bail. What an Epic fail!
Heated arguments for no reason at all.
Intense feelings, Emotions so Raw.
Shouting and saying things we both don't really mean.
Whatever happened to you being my King and Me your Queen?
We aren't even on the same team.
Someone wake me up from this bad dream.
The love and relationship Can we redeem?
Or are things really as bad as they seem?

When my spirit feels malnourished.
Something in me finds the strength and courage
To Read the word so I can help my spirit man flourish.
Medicine for the people of the oppressed.
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
From the book of Mathew Chapter 11 Verse 28

Father help me to walk upon this path of the narrow and straight.
And things I don't understand Teach me, Educate.
Though you know I feel inadequate You remind me to use the Tools you've bless me with.
The word of God cures the diseases that weaken our souls.
The Bible Proclaims these words in black ink typed So bold.

Pleasant words are as honeycombs,
sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
Originating from the book of Proverbs Chapter 16 Verse 24

Lord that word was good but I'm Yearning for more.
My lover, my Savior
The one whom I adore.
As I sit here watching the rising of the Sun,
Praising Yah being forever grateful for all that He's done!

According to The book Of Isiah Chapter 25 Verse 1
O Lord, thou art my God; I will exalt thee, I will praise thy name; for thou hast done wonderful things; thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth.

Help me Father Just as you did Naomi and Ruth.
Thank You for a foundation and a roof.
Your grace and your mercies I'm a living proof.

Is this love? Could this be true?
Why is it that you and only you
Have me feeling the way I do?
Like to you I'm transparent so you can see straight thru?
I must Construe,
that your love perceives as some type of voodoo or taboo.
It Amazes me how you have me seeing the world in a whole new view.
Out of the blue,
I get the sense of deja vu.
That warm fuzzy inkling of butterflies I get inside
Got me questioning, and  wonder, "Why?"
What's behind those beautiful big brown eyes?
Are you full of truth or just a bunch lies?
Before I began to sensitize
I must analyze and rationalize.
Can you and I actually Harmonized?
Become one and unify?
Can you love me beyond the hurt and pain?
Help me maintain and let love Reign?
Be Imperfect With absolute certainty?
More Importantly,
I need you to be like my Therapy.
With Absolute sincerity,
Love, Honor and Cherish me unconditionally,
For Eternity.
Baby are you feeling me feeling you?
Is This sensational notion just a sneak preview?
Is this love could it be true?

I see you as you're watching me
Catching every detail as you view so carefully.
Your eyes are glued to my every move as you observe so attentively.
Everything I do and say
you study it throughout the day.
You see Me when I cry
Even when you try not to pry.
When the tears begin fall and You're asking me, "WHY?
And mommy please don't lie.
There's something wrong and this you can't hide."
So this was my Reply,
"My life feels like a pigsty
no matter how hard I tried.
Times when to you I just try to advise and emphasize
not taking the time to understand how you feel inside.
That's why we didn't see Eye to eye and  I always ended up feeling like the bad guy.
Sweetie pie,
your behaviors I cannot justify
but there are Rules and regulations that we must abide by.
On me you must rely
No I don't have the answers to everything
But this much I can testify and bring
all I have is my heart and love as an offering.
I pray that You love me just as much as I love you.
There's so many things that I've gotten use to that you have seemed to outgrew.
There's things that I'd wish I could undo.
So many things I want to tell you.
Things we haven't even gotten to do.
Our love has been proven to be tride and true.
***, I Need a tissue
I think we just had a breakthrough.
Because the bond between you and I is better than Wi-Fi.
This much I can verify
That Mommy loves her little ones, all you littles wise guys.
I love being being a mother fervently
Because you guys bring out the best in me.
Personally,
I enjoy watching you watching me so
Observantly.

Father It's a cloud of Irritability followed by a wrath of hostility.
Help me because I don't want to walk in displeasure
For I know better.
That with you I can do all things and be such a beautiful Priceless treasure.
This thing just won't let me Be.
Father, your word says you make the lame to walk and the blind to see.
You open prison doors and set the captive free.
The Bitterness and brokenness I feel inside are fruits of the poisonous tree.
Oh, it's Devil I see.
Yah says that when two or three
are gather together in his name and  We agree
That Satan must flee!
So, Get thee behind me Adversary!
Meanwhile he is trying to get me to be provoked.
I pray and mediate on All biblical words you spoke.

James 1:19
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

Help me to walk upon this path.

Ephesians 4:31
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice

I gotta keep this in mind if I'm trying to make it into your Kingdom, Your Palace

Ephesians 4:26
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.

Remember we wrestle not physical but on a Spiritual level.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Thank you Father for the serenade. Now Let that Marinade.

Acts 3:19
Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord.

Forgive Me Father and within me Please Restore.
Repent and to sin no more.
But looking toward pure, Unconditional love and all that you have In store.
Now that I have confessed
All the anger has left the center of my chest along with the stress.
I Didn't realize I was such a mess.
Thank you Father! Yah bless!

Father,
As The conclusions of illusions scurry thu my mind,
All the misconception of oppression I leave behind.
The pulsating, throbbing strains viciously attacks my brain, 
Ugh Migraine.
I fall to my knees,
begging Yah, "Please,
heal me of this chest pain."
Let my cries and prayers be not in vain.
Father I need you to be like my Novocaine
and numb the pain,
help me maintain,
Father Be my Mid and Forebrain before I go insane!
Now I'm not one to sit here and ramble on.
Father I've tried reading the gospel according to John,
But the that passion, fire and desire that I once had is gone.
I miss that Spiritual atmospheric phenomenon.
It helped me to hold on and keep on keeping on.
Despite how many times I fall
Or when I get angry because I feel like you didn't answer my call
Here you are Loving me With my Imperfections, flaws and all.
Yes I have been beaten and battered and even my hopes and dreams have been shattered.
But that's the beautiful thing when it comes to the heart of matter.
From that staggered disaster
you gathered pieces of laughter splattered in a pattern
and created a masterpiece of a platter!
I'm trying to get an Understanding of why you love me the way you do.
All the persecutions, hardships, and suffering I experience in my life times two.
Even the times when I had thought about giving up and was lost without a clue.
You said, "Not so my child, For have not given up on you!
Remember I myself experienced those very same things you went thru.
My Word says, I will never leave you nor forsake you no matter what you do."
That's when the decision
hit me like a crash collision,
like a precisian
with exceptional Vision.
No longer will I be paralyzed
Or wallow in my fleshly demise.
But Yet will I get up and rise,
keep my focus on the prize
And walk in the counsel of the Wise.
After much concentration and heavy meditation,
Father our conversation led to Consolation.
I know I can no longer wait.
My flesh must I Eliminate.
My mental and Spiritual state I Shall evaluate and Rehabilitate.
Father for all you do, I value it much and appreciate,
Especially loving me at my worst state.

While God is trying to teach me valuable life lessons.
Here I am in deep thought Stressing.
Every since I was an adolescent
I have battled the scary demons of depression.
Emotionally distraught
With a heavy heart I fought.
Broken and incompasciated
So Limp and feeling faded.
Weary and frustrated
Alone in the world so cold
Only The Father has the control to break the stronghold.
Hopelessness and despair
Finally I get on my knees and say the Lord's prayer.

Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

I refuse to have A weak end. When I know trusting in Yah changes the heart of many men.
Time and time again
The only one on whom i can depend
My lover and friend,
My Father is The Alpha and Omega The Begining and the End.
Praise Yah Amen.

"Mommy, Mommy" every 5 Seconds, the tangles, matted hair,
the screams and cries of the children, "that's unfair", 
the messy intricate feelings and waves of emotions that are overflowing everywhere.
The pandemonium and turmoil in an uproar.
So chaotic I just wanna let out a thunderous , "ROAR!!!!"

Some times being a mother can be  Exhausting, strenuous, demanding and so time consuming that the fatigue will leave you drained and empty. 
Yet we mange to be Refreshed and new filled with a loving and meaningful spirit for plenty.
Each precious second with you I'm must cherish for it is Priceless.
I sit and watch you in silence,
the world stops and and in that breathtaking relaxed moment it feels timeless.
Caring for you has been such a powerful, captivating, and endearing  Connection
that In you, I see my own spiritual reflection .
To have such a joyful child,
My heart is overjoyed with pure Bliss and wowed.
Thinking on bittersweet minutes that lie
both exhilarating and depressing We can't deny.
On this Adventurous Voyage of you and I,
We've uncovered a love, a bond that gravity can't even defy.
Understanding this Magical, Amazing, Fulfilling journey of motherhood is an rewarding experience within itself.
Such a beautiful way to discovering a person's actual identity, ones true self.

Solitude, silence, peace, and quiet.
Passion, don't deny it, but rather apply it.
Conversations
that leads to Motivation,
requires patience
in complicated situations
with no limitations.
Compassionate with sincerity. Honest and Real covered with purity.
iridescence
is of the essence.
Precious significance in time implanted, in my brain like information saved on a hard drive. Aging like fine wine.
Encountering just a touch of a heavenly place,
Watching the Joy and laughter grow so gracefully upon her face.
Peace and tranquility a place that only seems to exist in the mind,
like a surreal dream captured in a moment thru space and time.
Respect is the detail and reverence  in Honor.
Looking in deep thought, Such pride and beauty that rest upon her.
Cherish is the adoration of treasuring, and protecting something most valuable of great prize.
What lies?
The Beautified feeling of when we get butterflies inside.
Just as the allegiance of obedience is Loyalty.
The king and queen are of authority you make her feel like a lady of such Royalty.
A relationship of deep endearment.
A level of intense intimacy and attachment is what love represents to me.

Im afraid to admit it but I think I love you.I'm scared I'm getting to close to you and yet we are so far apart. I'm afraid to let my guard down because I'm afraid you might hurt me.  I'm scared that if I give you my heart you might break it. I'm scared I might be to vulnerable, too emotional, too clingy, too needy. I'm afraid that I might be too much for you to handle. I'm not perfect for I am a human being. I make mistakes and I mess up. I'm afraid that you might not like I who I really am. I'm scared you won't love me beyond my hurt, my pain, and my faults. Warning sometimes I can be a train wreck and even sometimes a little bit of a witch. Can you accept that part of me??? At times when all I see is the worst in me, Can you love me like God and see the best in me?
I May not be beautiful on the outside but I promise that the beauty of me lies embedded deep within. Can you Intrigue my mind the way you would my body? Can you capture my spirit the way a picture captures the soul? Is it possible that you can love me for me Flaws and All???
If not we have nothing at all.
So for the life of me I can't figure out  why is that with you I so vulnerable. Like An unspeakable spiritual encounter with you every time we talk. Each conversation is so real, raw, and refreshing.
Everyday is becoming better than the next thing.
You have reached an untouchable place in my heart.
And this is why...............     the definition of intimacy is a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group. Intimacy is also a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place or subject.
Intimacy demands these essential ingredients such as transparency, and Vulnerability.
You can't encounter intimacy pretending to be something you are not. Take a Chance with a safe person you have entrusted with confidence, and assurance.
Strip away the false mask of yourself and let the your true colors come shinning through.
Give it all you got Like it's the last thing you have left to.
I'm scared because I'm afraid to admit it but I think I love you.

Sometimes I look at you and smile because I am so blessed.
Even right now at a time when I am the most stressed.
You come running while I'm in distress,
you hug me, lay your head down with your ear to my heart and listen to that pitter patter in my my chest. You wiped aways the rivers of sadness that flows from my eyes.
I Think God has sent you to me, my Angel in disguise.
You are Such a beautiful Surprise! God knew Exactly what he was doing when he created you in my whom. Such a  beautiful spiritual being that blossoms and blooms
like flowers in the month of June.
He knew just what to bless me with and How Amazingly to do it.
You and I are a perfectly great fit. Because you and your brothers, I am a good mother and I cannot quit!
I'm forever grateful for the pleasure of just knowing you.
It's only been a year or two, so I Know This is just a Preview.
I wouldn't have a clue,
I honestly would be lost without you. But I want you to know no matter what, Mommy loves you Boo boo!

A note of Suicide
The walls were closing in on me.
Frustrated and furious significantly.
A grey cloud of despair, can't you see it in the air?
Where are you right now? You said you would always be there.
As the emptiness filled the atmosphere.
Anxiety grew so heavy and thick.
That I become Feeble and sick.
Overtaken by Outrage
Depression and I became engaged.
The sickness of guilt and shame filled my brain.
I've tried but I can't maintain.
Drunken with Rejection followed by a shot of oppression.
What if something gave me a motive
to end my life without further notice?
What would life be like if I wasn't around ?
would my kids and Family be happy or would they frown?
Living life so miserably
Like an inmate in prison not being free.
Stuck Like a Tree who's roots were intertwined into the ground.
Restricted, bound and beaten down.
I'm locked in.
Life's got me pinned.
I just can't seem to Win.
I'm Feeling like committing an unforgivable sin.
If you're reading this you are already too late
From the Premises of this cold lonely world I had to evacuate.
After so many had me crucified,
Just as my dreams have now so will I,
On the inside, I just gave up and died.
This is a note of Suicide.