I liked to feel
Yours hands
Not quite on my
waist
but just below my
ribs.
you'd put your hands
there then
pull me forward
Till our chests touched
and we were one.
you'd look into my eyes
And I could see what
you were thinking.
I'd lay my head down
with my right ear
Over your heart so
I could hear it get
Faster
And faster
and faster
Till one day
It stopped.
and I looked up into
Your eyes and
they were gone.

So it has ended
And the thing we called love will only remain a distant memory
Nothing lasts forever, my dear
And I'm sorry it had to end this way
We were trying to provide things to each other that distance was taking from us
Sometimes, things don't work out
But maybe in the future some day, my dear
When we aren't silly teenagers
When the distance will no longer exist.

Nothing will last.
And eventually one of you will leave.
Because no matter how much
you wanted to save someone from drowning,
you will always be busy
trying to save yourself from the flood.

Sitting here trying to make small talk, I'm going insane, we're all insane.
Broken topics over chips and salsa, god its so bizarre, I don't understand how "normal" we all are.
I keep my mouth semi-full so I'm unable to speak, I can't stand myself, ****, why am I so weak?
Why does this bother me so? It's like no one even knows,
the truth,
be told it's a mess, I can't stand too much more of this, someone relieve me from this **** before it makes me sick..
All the underlying problems...drink to numb the pain but those same drinks taketh life away.
And I don't mean with death, for life still moves on, but it's broken into pieces and it's better off gone.
Cause one needs it to stay strong and the other knows that lifestyle is wrong:
Substances don't bring you happiness, they don't fix your pain, they ruin relationships and families all the same.
But we sat and we talked, topics in no particular range, and what hurts is seeing how things both have and haven't changed.
The connection is there, but the love has departed; neither hope nor intention to go back and restart it.
And now we're driving away and nothing is said, no mention of the insanity that hides in my head,
No acknowledgement to the tears I watch my own mom fight back..similar to the sick truth the whole situation lacked.

She left me on a Tuesday and I was drunk for 18 days straight. I couldn’t differ from morning, day or night. The night was young I’d had spent my last 100 bucks on a ******* from a ****** down on Hollywood boulevard. ******* it was the best I had ever had.

Not for nothing.
But an apology
would have been nice.
Or at least
would have conveyed
a modicum of respect.

She'll make her escape someday
From the pain of loving someone she sometimes hates
A rumbling volcano ready to go off at any random thing
Any random moment
His negativity lurks about infesting her at regular intervals
Whenever he's near

Except
There are instances when he shows himself to her
The man he was
Before the stress and the chaos devoured his goodness
Leaving behind this hardened carcass

She glimpses his humanity
His compassion peeking out through a caged heart
Momentarily, then gone

Those moments become farther apart

So she packs her baggage, carefully, and  prepares herself for the day when she's had enough
When she finds herself ready
To be rid of the fire and the uncertainty of living on tips of toes

Then she'll make her escape


Someday

And it's right now, that I would grab your body in astonishment of its existence. Screaming for me to touch it. Love it. Kiss me. Hard. And you would. And we would, play. Laugh. Feel. Grow. Become, one flowing unit of constant embracement. Everything is perfect here and I never want to leave this place. Can we not grow up here? Grow old? Grow fine and grow molds, of the rest of our life? From this.
This is the perfect state of existence...
In your arms.
I ******* miss that.

But its not even you anymore. Whatever part of us that had this is slowly fading, and it's tearing apart my deepest scars. For now, what are they for?
My resentment to love has a firey core.

*And its ashes are on your lips.