I'm not giving it away
I mean it
You think this is an act?
Day after day
You know me now
It's blowing right through me
The hurricane inside my veins
You may think you are more than I can handle
But I don't recognize rocks or sand
The sun needs me to rise
It needs me to set
That's what you watch for
But I'm always there
There are no more questions
I'm always there
The chair that fell over
The light that won't turn green
The day that won't end
An argument
Ambiguity
Discomfort
These things matter
They do
You do
I do
I want to be everything
Because I see everything
Everything
Both sides
Right
Wrong
Wrong
Right
It's that way
They believe it
I feel it
I tell you now
You don't know them
Unless you give yourself up
Then you are free
Free to be crushed by their world
Crushed because you know now
They are human
They are JUST LIKE YOU
Do you know that?
Do you?
I wonder sometimes

I write like I can write away this insanity,
but it’s this insanity that drives me to write verses constantly,
caught in a rhyme scheme these words are the web,
but who’s the spider and who’s the fly,
who’s the victim who’s the villain,
let’s take a vote those that think both say “I”,

I,
write like I can write away this insanity,
what’s this loop called Hollywood,
I’m not here to play games or drop names,
won’t even drop my own and that’s word,

word,

words,
so many fckn words,
I write them all out of me,
but what do you do,
when everything is not enough?

I wrote this for you,
your’s truly,
Aaron La Lux….

volume 1 of the Hollywood HeartBeat Trilogy
available worldwide 7/7/16

∆ Aaron La Lux ∆

I wanted to believe there was someone who could save me
I want to believe that he suffered for me.
I want tk believe that somehow i have a good place to go even when evil has been commited.
I want to believe that someone watches over us all.
But. .i cant.
I cant
I cant.
I wont
Because if so
Why am i still in this hell?

Sunday's sermon was interesting.
"God knows all!" He said.
"Trust in the lord, and his word shall be a lamp unto your feet" he yelled.
But see,
this is where I start to doubt
See,
if god knows all,
than why did he create Satan, the "fallen angel"
Tell me.
If god knows all,
than why did he create Adam and Eve,
and see
I get free will and that concept,
but why would he create destruction if he knows what each and every one of us will do?
TELL ME!
Tell me why God loves us to praise him,
doesn't that seem a little conceded?
He wants everyone to bow down,
that sounds like a tyrant to me...
Religion,
what the ****?
You have so many plot holes,
more holes than there are stars.
Religion,
God is the best
so you say
so tell me,
why would he make his son suffer the way he did.
Or,
why not send a daughter?
Is that sexist?
Religion,
tell
me
this.
Why must you take everyone?
Peacefully or not?
Religion,
don't tell me to pray
because if your logic is true,
than god already *knows my prayer

stiff shouldered
walk away
*what'd I do today?

Just...
*******

lord help me!
no answer.
Lord, he hurts me!
Silence.
Lord, take my soul!
Silence.
Lord, I want to **** myself!
no answer.
First, the bible went.
Then the cross necklace.
Everything had to go.
I needed help.
Need help,
but where are you?
God, the savior of all,
the hero.
Where are you?
Because I've looked long and hard,
hoping to finally see my salvation.
But,
no.
No one came as I was choked.
You didn't come when I was being tortured.
You stayed in heaven,
while I was living my own hell.
I did everything you wanted me to do.
I stayed faithful,
giving my testimony,
following your word.
But you let me down.
You always have.
"god loves his children"
No.
I thought I was a child of god.
Apparently not.
Because I am still here.
Inside the house of harm.
Inside the house of sin.
Evil lives here.
Before you tell me,
"don't give up,
I will come through,
it is just a trial"
answer me this,
where were you then,
and where are you
NOW?

I am starting to realize
That life is not as beautiful
or romantic
as I had always imagined.
I am growing in sadness.
I am growing up.
I think this is what my mother
tried to warn me about.

the brilliance of the darkness
served only to annunciate
the loudness of the passing silence

While the pervasiveness of the defeated idea
continues to occur in self-[a.s.s].embly lines
The nano utilizes a scope of micro to flesh out the macro

Simultaneous non-being
duly correlates to the emptiness of the tao’s ***-shaped,quantum hat
Possibility is endless, until you enlist knowledge as your retainer
The origin of all particular things is lost
through the knower being zenly slapped,

I just would have loved to help schroedinger's cat
pur.........
what a *****, he wouldn’t even open the box to check her.

Dear ∞ this is my letter to you while I let her be bound in quite comfortably in lazer-light leather.