I don't know
It's fine
No it's not fine
I'm not fine
No I'm okay
This doesn't even make any f!cking sense
I don't know
Why am I feeling like this
I need a distraction
I NEED A F!CKING DISTRACTION
why am I yelling
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm (not) okay
Whatever
Someone stop me from texting him
Before I make an even bigger pathetic ***** of myself
I feel like an emotion-****
That doesn't even make sense
I think I need to find something else to get my mind off him
I think I need to find someone else to get my mind off him
I don't care whatever
Except that I do
Don't let me text him
PLEASE stop me from texting him
My mind is driving me insane
I give up.
No, I can't give up.
I'm going to stop
I won't text him
I think.

Everything will always depart,
except what you want to leave.
And what stays
cannot bear to look you in the eye.
Because it knows it isn't welcome.

It just wants a home
to tear the walls down.
It just wants some flesh
to tear the soul out.

But who are you, friend?
Is your purpose to teach
something that earthly knowledge cannot fathom?
Or is your purpose motionless and hollow?
A boy sitting in the rain with a frozen gaze,
and no coat?

They say you must be a part of me,
not all of me.
But no matter how bright the days become,
no matter how many times you love me
(If anyone could actually loved me.),
you hold on with your bruised fingers
hopelessly interlocked.

The truth that I can't tell
and won't tell
(because I don't want to speak it
just as much as you don't want to hear it)
is that I actually hate me
more than I hate it.
Because while it flows through me
arbitrarily
like a black fog floating in the breeze,
I am sentient.
I have the power to stop it.
And I can't.

And so I must welcome it.
And once I do,
I still don't believe it will look me in the eye.
Because there's nothing to look at.

Segampang-gampang dia,
Gampang lagi awak.
Sekurangnya dulu dia usaha juga mencari.*

Translation:

So many times I tried to convince myself you actually might have cared and you didn't just use me and throw me out like worthless trash.

Hazel eyes :)

I saw her in the hallway at school
Started walking by, tryin'a play it cool
I looked at her, and she looked at me
That little moment sparked an unknown journey

Sitting at home,
Staring at the phone,
Waiting for her reply,
Who knew time could fly,

It turned into sitting in the back of the class
Passing notes across the room
It made my heart beat fast
When I'd see that smile, that radiated from you

Now the thing that got me crazy bout her,
What my heart kept beating louder,
A smile my disguise, as I got lost in her hazel eyes

They Sparkle in the sunshine,
Not my words but true,
Wishing you were mine,
Wondering what I'm going to do-o-ooh,..
When the only one I want..
Is you..
( I swear it's true-ooh )
(The only one I want)
Is you.

I know you said never, (ever)
But I can't stop myself.
We're never getting together,
And it's putting me through hell.

What makes me stay,
Is the hope that all this time,
You've been hiding it away,
But you might be thinkin of being mine..

Maybe I'll just stay alone,
I'll still always be your friend,
Waiting here by the phone,
I wrote this just for you,
And I'm thinkin of hitting send.

And I loved her with all my heart
My soul and body
But all my love
Is nothing
Compared to hers.
My love is worthless
Standing next to
Her love.
She is better.
Brighter.

Hide me in a disguise.
Pull down the curtains
Turn off the lights.
Trying not to fight
The sands between my eyes.

Theres no way around it.
Theres no need to shout it.
I'm alone and thats about it.

Thats about it.

the pine needles brush against my
skin too big for these bones.
what is it like to feel comfortable,
why do i feel anything but normal always?
i want to feel as if i'm the top of these
trees, something bigger than myself.
i flick my cigarette like it's a habit i cannot break to reassure i'm still alive.
the smoke rises higher and higher, but
not high enough to be noticed.
i want to be seen behind closed curtains,
am i really even there?
for that i lay and rest these weary eyes
until i'm nothing,
just another plane lost on radar buried
underneath a thick snowy blanket.

remember me not, but don't forget me.

sincerely yours,

What does it say about me, then, that to make life would take mine away?