The boom of the explosions outside my window do not wake me
Never again will they wake me, for my bones are too dusty
And the air will not fill me
It is a chasm of disasters in here
Open the windows let it air out
Let me out
Let the sound echo no longer
I am long gone
I am farther than I have ever been
I'm cold now, I'm hollow
One fight and we’re battleships sailing across the seas
To entangle in arguments so deadly we’ll both be hurt
So vicious I swear we were feral dogs in the moment so--
I’m sorry
I didn’t mean to
Deep inside I want you so close but your face--
It just tears me apart it
Revives every memory of the hurt
and my bitterness explodes out my fingertips around your throat
I--
I hate you.

Stop killing your daughter,
In the name of honor killing,
Honor,
Which you never feel for her,
So how could she shatter,
That which you never possess!

By: Nida Mahmoed.

4/8/2017

Monogamous Cat

Today I met a monogamous cat.
I was twirling the keys to my Black Saturn
Sauntering from my Clients home After making him breakfast
And In the wide paved road
sat a fluffy orange cat with a pink collar.
Staring at me.

I put my keys away and knelt down in the middle of the road.
My red converse cracking a bit As I bend down to present my hand.
The cat came over when I called
Sniffed and let me pet her on the head, neck, and back
Nuzzled into my Khaki pants
I took this as a sign of friendship
naturally,
I went to rub this cats belly

oh, boy,
was that the wrong move.

The messege was clear.
I was not this kitty's owner,
And she was having none of my ****.

She left my hand,
more blood than skin

I pet her on the head
one last time to let her know
We could still be friends.

I shouldn't have been so forward.

But how am I supposed to know
a species notorious for hedonism
produced a monogamous cat?

I am greatful she knows her boundaries
that she is comfortable
cutting a man
When he crosses them.

She lets me try it on.
I want it. But I don’t get presents like she does.
It’s beautiful. Bright with a white, fluffy trim. Zip and
poppers all the way up.
She widens her eyes. Twists her hands into claws
and she says “Little Red, come here and climb into bed…”
I laugh. Her wolf sounds just like Grandma.
Ma swings her arm back. I stop.
She turns to see what’s changed. It isn’t funny anymore.
I hear the thwack as Ma’s hand connects with her nose. It
was an accident.
Should’ve been the side of her head.
Now there’s blood.
She buries her face, wraps her arms round my waist.
A darker red blooms on the nylon.
She calms down but she’s shaking. We untangle and I help
her on with the coat.
I don’t want it.
We wait for a while in silence; shredding lollypop sticks,
peeling the top off an old lemonade-can.
She starts to cut neat, tiny crosses into her fingertips.
Not deep.
But I’ve seen enough. I feed the lollypop sticks and
lemonade-can to the cracks between the planks of the pier.
The hood covers her eyes completely. I think she’s stopped
crying.
“You look just like Little Red” I tell her.
She says “Maybe I am.”

as i look throughout the tree’s, a strand of light strikes me
i go back to an awful place like it somehow reminded me
where one day my family was perfectly fine, then the next day came
and they were no longer mine. daddy had left, and he took mommy’s heart.
and i slowly sat down and watched my mom fall apart. what i hesitate to mention,
was her partner of choice, so harsh with his hands and loud with his voice
his had stricken my mother almost on a daily, listening to my mother scream my name, “haylee!”
the constant torture at that ******* house, i needed to leave and get these thoughts out.
what my mother did, was completely unexpected, she risked her shot to leave, for me to get ahead.
i now live safe in the care of my family, but i will never forget his face, the definition of the word, scary.
and i will never forget the guilt that i feel, leaving my mother there.
but i have to move on, and do what she wished
for me to do better than she had ever did.
mom, i love you, and i will see you soon,
just to let you know, i will NEVER stop loving you

Departing umbrellas, we hope the ride was hell!
Please enjoy the rain you're ready for
that is going to wash the crevices of your ribs.

Flocks of crows sitting in a concrete abyss
with itchy stubble
and broken toes
I lost their feathers in the eye of the storm,
as angels wept snow over blue mountains

You must declare danger before you shout war
as weapons are lustful for your children
a forbidden affair has started
between the innocence and the bullets,

And lust, in the form of broken eye contact,
Shifting thighs,
Warming cheeks,

One hand
briefly
on your shoulder

Manic:
synonyms: mad, insane, deranged, demented, maniacal, lunatic, wild, crazed, demonic, hysterical, raving, unhinged, unbalanced etc;

Depressive:
causing feelings of hopelessness, despondency, and dejection.

Manic
******* pairs of strangers every weekend, because them thinking you're desirable cures the hollowness for a minute or two

Depressive
Letting a man tie you to a bed and rip the skin off your shoulder with his teeth because you deserve to hurt

Manic
Getting higher than you've ever been so you can have an excuse to scream

Depressive
Crying at night and pretending its loneliness that's ******* you up

Manic
Driving a car you stole from your sister, even though you don't have a license or a clue where you're headed

Depressive
Drinking tequila during class so you can prove to yourself that you really are a badass

Manic
Dressing like a ******* and letting random men get you in their cars

Depressive
Punching a wall so hard your knuckle breaks

Manic
Calling yourself hot **** while you sob over the sink and then laugh at the world's beauty

Depressive
****

Manic*
****

Let the heat cool down
Erase the thought of razors
Thoughts of meaningless rules
Let us be our own judges
Coz it's corrupts everywhere
Find the best people to maintan
Tranquil atmosphere won't hurt
Only but for the criminals
Let's wipe clean our country
Forget about the past
A new start
Yes, the memories you created
Won't fade
Still, we could forgive mistakes
You've destroyed your name
Bring a change yourself
Put the criminals into misery
Abandon leaders of violence

Why is it always?
Is it your thirst for respect
Prove if you can in a better way
Don't ***** about "it's OURS"
Speak if you can
Or hide in the bushes
Don't sneak around killing people
If you really want to be praised
None will do, even your religion
Hell is awake with your deeds
Eat what you want
Don't dare put your hands
in our platters
Real men don't bring hate
Ugly goblins, teach your kids too
Respect people without covers