I stare into the
mirror at a body
that'll never be
home

Soaring high...beautiful, proud and bold
Feathers of red and yellow and gold
Flying high, soaring, forever free
Her only purpose, just to BE

Brave of heart, strong and true
But the day would come, she always knew
When all peace and joy and hope would die
And like Icarus, she’d fall from the sky

No longer soaring the sky so blue
Bold and beautiful, strong and true
Buried in a blanket of ashes soft and gray
Nobody wanted her on Burning Day

Yet from those ashes was she reborn
To grace the sky again next morn
Flying high, soaring, forever free
Her only purpose, just to BE

my skin is howling  
my tears descend
the pain is somehow still caged

my throat swells
my jaw tightens
the hurt must stay within

its more painful than anything I’ve ever felt
like a pack of wolves tearing my heart out
the pain is eating me

eating more than I ate for the years my dysphoria got me to starve myself

i can’t hide anymore
tear me open if you must
but tear me open in the right places

When she walked it was as though
     the wind would move her
she would flow like summer breeze
one could barely behold
the perfection – oh the ease
with which she moved

Each step was like the ballet
like Swan Lake was set afoot
in the person of her womanhood
she, like no other could

Men fell in states of blunder
and ladies shapes of awe
for none could stand before her
not one resist her call

The Mona Lisa in the flesh
a living work of art
her subtlety betrayed her
a disguise she ill could wear

Her modesty set before her
a veil that through would shine
the loveliness of her countenance
the lady so sublime

I saw her once.

It seems a silly, foolish thing: obscure
abstracted expectations heeded sure.
However, comfort found or shred in thread,
defiance! Liberation for the dead
to overthrow, reject, deny decrees
imposed from fears that freedom means disease.
Because it chokes, barbed-wire laceration
began with shouts of divine damnation,
outpours a strangled, blood-laced river with
no end—laws unaware of gender’s myth.

To them, I am a thing one can acquire.
Behind eyes worn,  I tire— Oh! How I tire
of worth and value foisted most unjust.
Disgust conceals (reveals) clandestine lust;
they loved (and also often hated) me
for what I am and what I never will be.

Skin begins to crawl while seeing this mess
Binding my chest and trying to rest

I don’t see myself

Living in this body is betrayal
Everything is wrong feeling unwell

I don’t see myself

Looking down is not much better
Body is making it hard to get it together

I don’t see myself

Mind is screaming to give up
Living life like this hurts too much

I don’t see myself

Sometimes I forget what it's like,
to not feel so alone.
To have someone in my life,
I could call my own.

I remember what it was like,
before everything was so complicated.
Where I knew where I stood,
and how I could be satiated.

But I don't know anymore,
my gender is a **** fest.
I could like someone,
but I couldn't give them my best.

So I put distance,
between myself and others.
I can't trust my dad,
to see me as anything but one of the brothers.

I did everything I could,
to get away from my ****.
Who knew the snake would find me,
or that I would get bit.

So now I cry,
on a hard hospital bed.
And wonder if it's not worth,
putting some lead in my head.

im soft right now

and part of me wonders

will you love me when im no longer soft

when my muscles shift and my hips get bony

will you tell me to put on a few pounds

put some meat on my bones

when im no longer a soprano or even an alto

will you tell me my voice is too loud and booming

that i should speak softly

when hair blankets my body like moss on a stone

will you tell me my kisses hurt you

that if i dont shave every day its too itchy to bear

will my body be the end of us

i hope not



because under enough blankets my hips wont poke you

and after enough lullabies everything feels quiet

and with enough beard oil anything is soft enough to kiss

You are quick to question but
Occupy cisheteronormativity mindlessly
Unprepared for queer identities

Assuming I lack knowing of myself
Reshuffling the same deck of cards
Engaging in a play of poker with hatred

Subjected to foul treatment
The words you spat
Unsolicited and unflattering
Chasing my mind endlessly
Kidnapping me hostage

I have been coated in sweltering biohazards
Nevermore to find protection and healing

To see another day seems impossible
If my own blood casts me away
Malevolence becoming motherly
Eliminating my mental health
,

Its those who think they are greater
Trailblazing a performative show
Sabotaging an already discriminated space

To go another day with your words
Itching down into my skin
****** becoming friendly
Envisioning how I'd feel left alone


From the moment you open your mouth
Orchestrating emotions like a ballad
Reconsolidating the toxic bond with binary

Can't seem to wake you up
Having to constantly do the work for you
And what am I left with
Naive justification and selfish excuses
Gravitate your energy into doing better
Exploitation is your entertainment