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Elisa Benaggoune Dec 2018
After breaking your heart
I listened to Radiohead, really I was
Still trying to go over
The times you played Radiohead
Once,  I was just trying to
Remember the words you said

Now,
I just sit
And listen
To Radiohead
Because  
You never played them
More than once
And I will probably
End up playing their music
To someone else
Instead.
This is also about my past toxic relationship how to me music became an important thing in our relationship so much that I didn’t really know why it was placed there.
Holly M Aug 2017
always the bridesmaid, never the bride
you have no idea how many times i cried
asking, "why me? why not me?"

well, for starters
i always oversleep
my eating habits are on repeat
i've worn the same clothes, same filth
for three days this week
i don't make an effort because i'm not going out
but no one asks me out because i don't make an effort
i write love poems i never send
i creepily covet people i consider friends
while my heart is stuck on the same old trend

hearts
yours and mine
your heart
pure and prone to breaking bones
my heart
crippled and casually crashing cars
the destruction duo
probably foreshadowing if i'm honest

i never get any rest
purple hues rise to the surface
furthermore, my life lacks any zest
and to top it all off
no matter how hard i've tried
i know i'll probably never be satisfied
so yeah
maybe that is why
I undressed for my shower,
And noticed something *****;
Something I've used all my days,
Suddenly disappeared.

I had it with me yesterday,
And used it several times;
I always put it in its place,
And took care of what was mine.

I really can't explain it;
Now what's a fella do;
I'm not to blame,
I refuse the shame
Of the hashtag framed MeToo.
Tatiana  Dec 2018
Toxicity
Tatiana Dec 2018
××××××××××××××××××××××××
Keep guard in your garden
××××××××××××××××××××××××
Lethal lean leaves
seem to stick to their trees.
Scraggly-looking and furnished rather sparsely,
its roots still dug deep into the earth;
Absorbing all moisture from the dirt.

Leaving it
                   dry,
                   cracked,
                   broken
Like lungs;
                    unable to breathe.
Like hearts;
                    unable to beat.

A leaf falls and gets caught in a sudden breeze.
The wind not realizing what it released,
for attached to the leaf were its lethal seeds.
Ready to spread their toxicity.
×××××××××××××××××××××××××
Keep guard in your garden
×××××××××××××××××××××××××
© Tatiana
Apologies for being away for so long, it's been pretty crazy. I hope everyone had a happy thanksgiving! And if you don't celebrate that, I hope that was a good thursday!
Anyway, beside thanksgiving getting in the way (and work), my sister has been having a very difficult time in the relationship she's in. It's an incredibly toxic (and in my opinion, emotionally abusive) relationship. I don't know what to do other than to be there for my sister. Apparently, he has apologized and is going to try harder, but I don't believe him. He's said stuff like that before and everything is fine for a week and the next thing I know I'm getting a call from my sister about how he's treating her like ****. It hasn't been a fun month. Everyday I want to go up to him and threaten him with god knows what and I probably will do so. My sister always had enough heart for the both of us. I've always had enough rage for the two of us.
So this is just a warning. Please do your best to keep toxic people out of your life. Let your garden grow in a healthy manner.
But if you ever need someone to go to war with to help someone you love, I'm your girl.
Celest  Sep 2018
In Reality
Celest Sep 2018
as you’re telling me
about that Girl you saw today
and i don’t know how to respond
so i let out a slight chuckle.
Because i have no idea what i’m doing.
In Reality,

you can see my downfall
you raise an eyebrow up, and
Check on me.
and i wanted you to say
In Reality, i care for you.
but In Reality,
"you don’t look okay."

as our hands are barely touching
your blood i can feel against mine.
my blood courses through
more uneasily.
the Feeling is completely out of my control
even if i thought i was the only thing
I could control.
In Reality, you are the one
holding the Controller.

as you ask me about
my Day.
i wonder if you really care
And the thought doesn’t stop.
are you going to Admit it
maybe i just thought of you
differently.
i was the only blinded one
In Reality,
your senses surely have
picked up on my breaking,
did they not?

but then i Realize

you don’t see my downfall.
In Reality,
you are my Downfall.
05-23-18 / concept: it isn't them at fault if you're the one still holding on. the message conveyed is that they're toxic, but so are you.
The crash of us together
A wave caressing dancing sands
We kissed with tongue for hours while our mouths were full of glass
You cradled me so softly
and kept my heart inside a jar
I took your brain, made you insane, our adhesive made of tar
Can I **** myself with you? 
I want to stick to you like glue
Our fingers intertwined as they turn stiff and blue
The world is scared of dying,
Always looking for a sign,
But if I died with you beside me 
I know that I'd be fine
We inflict upon each other
pain, despair and passion
undying devotion
has always been in fashion
You hurt me so bad
But always hold me after
We sob together yet always end in laughter
Can I **** myself with you? 
I want to stick to you like glue
Our fingers intertwined as they turn stiff and blue
The world is scared of dying,
Always looking for a sign,
But if I died with you beside me 
I know that I'd be fine
A space is in between us now
A shield so to speak 
But I miss the way it used to be and every night I weep 
I wonder if you miss me too even though I'm still right there
Its as if now that we're better we have nothing left to share
Can I **** myself with you? 
I want to stick to you like glue
Our fingers intertwined as they turn stiff and blue
The world is scared of dying
Always looking for a sign
But if I died with you beside me I know that I'd be fine
Toxicity burns
into daydreams
running wild
in sunflower
fields
with
nomadic fiends
a tribe of lone wolves
hearts of gold
seeking the road
less travelled
a clock ticks
for it's time
to be bold
s  Jun 2018
burnt
s Jun 2018
there's a lot wrong
with the earth-
& with my head
i'm trying to shed my addict skin
i'm so much more than what i depict
& i've come pretty far,
considering where i've been

& the world still looks bleak
but i've gained some light
by burning down every
bridge in my sight
& you may say my pyromania
is born out of spite
but your toxicity is now gone-
&  i can finally breathe right

so i'm going to continue
to fix myself
i'll box up old memories
& hide them on the shelf
cause i'm tired of treating the past
like a prison cell.
& i've roamed ******* far
from the pits of your ****.
?
You and I we lived a lie
And spread it to the masses
I made sure to tidy up and wore rose tinted glasses
I saw the flags and all the bad but couldn't understand
I cried myself to sleep and stuck my head under the sand
But somehow baby I just never could be what you needed
Accusing me of everything, yet you're the one who cheated
Such a sad realization when you wake up to a stranger
That you somehow knew for years and yet your connection's weaker

So goodbye goodbye goodbye I walk out with a bang (Just like I walked in)
Goodbye, goodbye goodbye we'll never meet again (you should have listened)
I know I told you baby that this was til the end (for better or worse)
But eternity don't work for me, if youre hurting me, my friend (you were my curse)

You told me I was heartless when I left without a tear
I guess you didn't count all the times I cried those years
You wounded me in different ways in which I still can't heal
Still I was devoted, my hearts not an easy one to steal
I gave you enough chances, time and time again
If you really cared about me, than you should have listened
So call me this and call me that
I really dont give a ****
I know that for some other man someday I'll be more than enough

So goodbye goodbye goodbye I walk out with a bang (Just like I walked in)
Goodbye, goodbye goodbye we'll never meet again (you should have listened)
I know I told you baby that this was til the end (for better or worse)
But eternity don't work for me, if youre hurting me, my friend (you were my curse)

How can I learn to trust again after such a failure?
You were just another waste of time, you weren't my savior
Sometimes I still think of things you said I get lost inside your lies
But I've grown so much since I stood my ground, you'll never realize
I won't allow myself to act ****** over another guy
I deserve the world and will except no less than the moon, the stars, and sky

So goodbye goodbye goodbye I walk out with a bang (Just like I walked in)
Goodbye, goodbye goodbye we'll never meet again (you should have listened)
I know I told you baby that this was til the end (for better or worse)
But eternity don't work for me, if youre hurting me, my friend (you were my curse)

Fast forward to the future and look how much I've grown
Can't believe how good I'm doing out here all on my own
I became my own support system, my own best friend
I don't need nobody else baby I got this til the end
But then a pair of eyes caught mine in a way I can't explain
They look not a thing like yours and I'm over the moon again
But this time will be different, this time Ill be stronger
I refuse to be abused or suffer any longer

So goodbye goodbye goodbye I walk out with a bang (Just like I walked in)
Goodbye, goodbye goodbye we'll never meet again (you should have listened)
I know I told you baby that this was til the end (for better or worse)
But eternity don't work for me, if youre hurting me, my friend (you were my curse)

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
I'm done with all your heartache
And I promise you by the time you notice what you threw away
I'll be someone else's cherished "mistake"
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