When the thought of a simple call
To the bank,
Or the doctor,
Leaves you in tears.

When working up the courage to call
Your best friend you just texted,
Or the pizza place down the road,
Leaves you with acrobatic elephants in your stomach.

When getting up on time
To go to class,
Or your job interview,
Leaves you nauseous.

When you sit there ten minutes later thinking
Why does this happen every time?
Or why can't I be normal?
Leaves you feeling like a failure.

Just say "hello"
Nope, that'll leave you wanting to *****.
Smile to them
Nope, that'll leave you shaking and sweating.
Give a wave
Nope, that'll leave you on the floor rocking back and forth.

At the end of the day
When all you can think about
Is how you were so terrified you couldn't move,
Or that you just want it to end and go away,
But knowing that it'll just keep happening

When all they can say to you is:
Just do it already.
Why do you have to make things so difficult?
Get over it!
Can't you ever act normal?
As you learn to hate yourself just a bit more
Each and every day.
As you slowly fall back
Into a downward spiral of depression.

There will be days when everything goes wrong
There will be days when you cry yourself to sleep
There will be days when you just want to end it all
There will be days when you wish you didn't exist;
When you wish your father or mother or sibling didn't exist
There will be days when you question how you can keep moving on.

But on those days, I want you to remember:
You've survived this long
Why give up when you have made it this far in life?
You may not have lived each day but you have survived
Survive just another day, so that you may live many more.

In time

*we shall survive

another cup of coffee down the hatch
                  can't find a reason to stay awake;

another cup of coffee down the hatch-
                                             **forced survival.

Lost in world filled with adrenaline rush,
where every small and beautiful dream can be crushed.
Holding on to a tiny twig to get to the shore,
because even asking for something won't get you more.
Keeping alive the flame of hope burning,
even though the feeling of realism is churning.

Trying to rebuild a world after a storm,
dying to give your shapeless life a form.
Nothing is easy, but being cynical isn't a necessary option,
there's no harm in trying before absolute devastation.
We all survive this world before we go to bed,
we are doing a better job than being dead.

So yes, sometimes things may seem impossible,
but life isn't that terrible.
Nothing comes easy in life, nothing comes in hand,
it's a harsh reality you have to just understand.
So just be strong enough and pave a way,
and you'll get what you want someday.

Its been months since pen ad paper visited
I guess we have all been busy. Caught up.
Consumed by the world around us,
To and fro trying to prove my worth to
those who still leave me anyway.

I drown from liquid to liquid
and yet I never find oceans where my ancestors drowned in
I could never find the voice that has been calling me .
begging for me to join life on the Otherside of the veil

Getting out of bed seems to be a mission
chasing daydreams of finding love and acceptance
I guess I am now back to the only One that will forever accept me
Pen and paper . silent yet loud. accepting yet sometimes so harsh with
pounding rejection because most times I can't even disvirgin paper
so i remain there .. clueless on what steps to take.
I think that's why I am still searching for my worth in random places.
Reasons why people I used to care about became random faces

A bird set free,
to the unknown world
he became lively and joyous!
only to realize that the world
was his cage, and he was
trapped in his own freedom

"I wish I were a bird" They say-

Only a bird knows
what it's like to lose its wings
while flying to survive

- Kaya

Up and down the road again,
following the twists and turns
in hope to achieve and gain
I ride on though my eyes burn

My hopes painted inside my mind
where in loops past and future runs
behind the clouds my star shines
I look through it though my eyes burn

I had held too many I could pocket,
now tell less tales, became a taciturn,
hanged those round my neck in a small locket,
I keep quite though my eyes burn

The storm has done damages enough
from the winds and waves I learned
even small ships can deal with the rough
I clean the deck *though my eyes burn