sometimes it gets old
watching you shed those clothes
in the light
every night

if i loved you,
maybe i'd marvel
like those men

but it feels so grotty
so sleezy

nothing like those fantasies
i used to have

you're mine but you're not
every night

you belong to everyone
but no-one

i try and i try and i try
to feel something

but you gave yourself away

She was just another schoolgirl

Dreams of marriage and of kids

She had devoted parents

They loved everything she did

Nothing could deter her

from the choice that she had made

Turning seventeen, she left her home

in Forest Glade

Moving north to Epsilon

She chose another route

She would be a dancer

Taking money from the suits

She started slow in Epsilon

A club girl from the start

She had a phony i.d

But she sure could play the part

Was she a dancer or an actress

Seems she was one and the same

She chose to go as Crystal

Though that wasn't her real name

She danced a bit and moved around

The lifestyle she liked

She was dancing up in Buffalo

When she met a guy named Mike

They dated and got married

Soon a kid was on the way

When he found out she was pregnant

He packed up and moved away

She was nineteen and without a chance

To get a better life

Who would want a dancer

With a kid to be his wife?

Nobody that she knew

That would be for sure

And just like the little girl she was

She always wanted more

She had her son, named Ferguson

She then enrolled in school

She was gonna be a big thing

She would not be no ones fool

She chose to keep on dancing

Working late nights, dancing hard

Saving up her money

So she'd get her son a yard

She was still a little girl deep down

She still had real big dreams

She didn't want the normal life

She wanted the extremes

She was a dancer, mother, daughter and

A sutdent every day

She had to keep them separate

Had to keep her lives at bay

She'd many personalities

Depending on her place

She handled each role expertly

With poise and with such grace

By day she was a mother

And a student on the side

She did both of them expertly

And she showed off both with pride

At night she was a dancer

Schoolgirl, teacher, and much more

She would be a patrons fantasy

But she hid down in her core

The little girl she really was

Stayed deep and far from them

She was also now an actress

Dancing, doing things for men

At night when she was finished

She would go home to her boy

She would bend and kiss him as he slept

For he was her pride and joy

She'd then go hit the shower

Washing all their dreams away

She would wash away their kisses

She would make herself okay

Each night she'd play another role

To keep the men entranced

She would change her look up daily

As on the stage she pranced

They'd pay her for her company

And they'd worship all she did

But, all she ever thought about

Was something better for her kid

She finished school in record time

A manager she'd be

She took a four year course

And she finsihed it in three

She didn't have the money

To quite make her dreams come true

But, she now had a diploma

And inside, her pride just grew

She was now a feature dancer

She was the top of mens desires

But the job was getting weary

In fact, our girl was tired

She had her different roles to play

Still mother, daughter, and

At night a dancer actress

In an pornographic land

She'd go home every night and see

Her son there in his bed

She'd go and have her shower

And she'd kiss him on his head

She'd wash away the garbage

Wash away her hidden life

Once again she thought of

Being a mother and a wife

Normalcy, would not be hers

She'd have to move along

She'd done well for her young boy

She had not done too much wrong

A new life far from Buffalo

Would be the thing to do

She's now a mother and a daughter

And she might live next to you

She broke the chains that bound her

Used her dancing to improve

Made herself much stronger

And she then did up and move

Now she doesn't go home late at night

To wash away the grime

She can go home and go out to play

To give her son some time

The sad fact is there's lots of girls

But not as strong as her

They do not escape the dancing

When they end up, no one's sure

But Crystal, she's a hero

For she made herself move on

She's a mother, actress, daughter

with a super cool young son

Where she went I don't know where

But, she ended up on top

Ther rumours were she married

In fact they said that he's a cop

they say that she's still out working

In the clubs, out with the girls

But she's no longer a dancer

She's out showing them the world

She's helping them get into school

They confess to her their sins

She knows of what they talk about

For she's been just where they've been

She doesn't go by Crystal

She now goes by her real name

But, she might just live next door to you

And to tell would be a shame.

I don’t think I offended her,
And I don’t think she was sad
But the way she looked out at us
With envy, perhaps,
As we walked out of the club
Left me feeling something
In the pit of my stomach
I can’t quite understand.

She stared as if
We were kids at the party,
Boredom matching desires
To let the night take fire,
Arriving in nice cars,
Ordering expensive drinks
Watching a show
We'd only paid money to see.

She stared as if
Not from her view;
Legs split
Betwixt stage and sound,
Dancing somewhere between
Some kind of neon dream,
And a place she’d prefer not to be.

I thought of you, when you thought of me.
I deleted all our memories off my phone.
The ones where we're smiling,
As if in a few short months,
We didn't know we'd be nothing to each other,
You gave me a quiet hey,
I gave you a simple nod,
We asked about each other's lifes,
I found that quite odd,
Because it feels like just yesterday,
You knew me better than myself,
But you told me about your new job,
1500 a night,
Taking your clothes off for girls,
As if that was right,
I asked jokingly if you charged extra for the guys,
You nodded without missing a beat,
I felt chocked up inside,
I just grinned and said I remember when I got all of that for free.

Far far away
As though locked in a room
A doll in a cupboard
Is a girl called Alice
Alice the stripper

I myself at home looking for connection
Flick through cams
As though searching yellow pages

My attention caught
As though an anchor
Was around my heart
I stop on Alice

Fragile and vulnerable is what I see

I take her to
""Private chat""
And I tap my keyboard
As fast as hummingbirds wings
To make a connection

But it is no use
As clothes fall of her like broken slates
Of a discarded building  
Only to reveal half robot
Half dead human being

I type, "STOP STOP"

But she is lost in her routine
An act of ****** pleasure

"Please stop" ,I type

But her soul scattered
As though beaten away
By stampeding Rhino
For a while we just
Float together
In outer space

Where are you Alice
My heart bleeds

As though a spell had been broken
A nervous silence is ruptured
And like Apollo 13
As she types "hello"
Houston calling Houston
A relief breaths through
My whole being

I type,  " hello there"
And ask how are you  
I thank her for her **** routine
  
Then she in response springs back up
As though being controlled
By a remote
Held in my hands

"No No No need no need", I cry I type
" just talk just talk I don't want this"

My heart feeling her vulnerability
Reaches through the screen
seeking to cover like a blanket

Shortly after she covers herself
With a beautiful Royal Blue blanket
I type ," That colour looks beautiful on you
You must wear it when Mr Right
Invites you to a ball
And I tell her she would be stunning
And would shine in that blue  
And the lucky man would be the envy of the ball

A sparkle for the first time
Returns to her eyes

Even more beautiful now I feel

It was as though a harvest moon
Had found a gap through
Thick clouds on a very dark night
As her soul returned home
She began to blossom
Like a brave crocus flower
Pushing through the snow

My soul danced with pleasure
As the love in my heart
Spun around her with the joy
Of a long lost planet
Who had just found his sun

As time passed my need to leave
The conversation approached
I asked her to promise me
To always , Love yourself Always
And to know that you are
A treasure
And that you are special

Her eyes began to well up
As my heart swelled up
As a tear drop fell on her being
It was welcomed like the first
Drop of rain
After a long hard drought

After on my way to friends I pondered
Why is it
Like diamonds in coal
Are jewels so easy to find
In dark places
But become so rare
In the light of prosperity

And why so easily condemned
By world
Which stands on moral castles
Built by the power of
Their own pride and vanity
They have their reward on their tower
I feel Jesus would say

I think
If the love in my heart
Is that of our God
I know who
HE LOVES MOST

Music provides a blanket of background noise,
As you sit, in a velveteen chair, legs parted, hands on your knees,
I stand between them, silhouetted against flashing gold lights,
I stare down into your upturned face & slowly begin to undress.
Piece by piece my clothing drops to the floor at your feet,
Pooling around my clear, stiletto heels.
Your eyes too drop down, lingering on my *******,
My skin, soft & sun kissed, shimmers golden in the soft light.
I turn slowly, allowing every curve of my body to be illuminated,
The arch of my back, the contour of my hip & the arc of my buttocks
Your eyes trace down my thighs, now spread & back up,
As I bend, & reveal my inner most secrets to you.
My sweet opening that promises so much pleasure,
Just inches from your lips & your tongue & your pleasure.
Slowly I slide to my knees, down on all fours, face to the floor,
Inviting you to enter me, visually, take me with your eyes,
I turn to meet your groin & I watch with interest,
As I play with my ******, at the stirring that may come.
I rise up instead, to my knees, cupping my *******, blowing,
On my now ***** ******* & my eyes reach yours,
And time & space hold for us, as we join together, for a second,
Before I lean in, my breath on your cheek & I whisper,
That's £20 please.

If you can keep your dignity when all about you
Are losing theirs and pretending its not true,
If you can avoid contact when all men want you,
But straight faced act like you want them too,
If you can force a smile and never tire of smiling
Or being fake, never believe the lies
Or being grabbed, never give way to slapping
And yet listening to *****, just bat your eyes

If you can dance – and use it to men master
If you can flirt – and not fancy, play a game
If you can have nights o’ triumph and disaster
And come back to work just the same  
If you can bear to hear some filth to you spoken
Uttered by fathers to get off on, the fools
Or watch brothers pretend they’ve just woken
And to our sisters, say they play by the rules

If you can make one big heap of cash earnings
And not think you won’t ever make a big loss
And save, and start again as if you’ve no savings
And never boast or act like the boss
If you can force your mind and body and sinew
To serve endless men like they’re the only one
And be a drunkard, when there’s not drop in you
Accept it’s a job and it’s a job to get done

If you can talk with rich men who have no virtue
Or sit with ****** – not attend to their crotch
If neither boss nor floor staff ever alert to you
If all the girls like you, but none too much
If you can stay how you feel this minute
With your innocent heart pure and head clear
Yours is the ******* and the cash that’s in it
And – which is more – you’re a stripper, my dear!

Fake hair
Fake name
Fake nails
Fake game

Fake smile
Fake tan
Fake brow
Fake can

Fake laugh
Fake lips
Fake brow
Fake ****

Buried deep
Under all this fake
Is a girl
With money t' make

It isn’t easy to love a girl
Who gives it up too much,
It takes a strong and open mind
To see beyond her crutch
To love her with an open heart
And forget those other’s touch