You were born too early
You never took a breath
You never opened your eyes
You were gone before being born

We had hoped to meet you
We had only looked at you twice
We saw you very small
We saw you right after you were born

You are always part of our family
You are part of my soul
You are my first and only angel
You are my nephew forever

Every intimate touch
each sensitive word
, loving intention
strangled at birth
the cold comfort
, an empty bed
room to wander, echoes
from hollowed corridors,
silent in her mind
fingertips , shunned by pleasure
drum quiet rhythms
without conscious thought
flies to the darkness
waiting in vain
for endless nights to wake
she is , and will be
a shadow , cruelly defined, true
but a vague truth,

Debris from the years
cracks as floats away
watching small details
wallpaper
without emotion
drifting off , naked,
still, almost numb, aside
the faint drum , waiting

By Amoy

Breathe…Breathe…heart beat, life!
Inhale, inhale. I saw your chest rise,
Exhale… exhale… no!  no! No! No! No!
Weeping, weeping, wailing sounds
Beep.... beep.... beep.... Beep..
Sorrow, grief, pain, grief, sorrow pain
Tears I can’t control, I’m in… I’m out.
The sorrow is deep in my soul
Soul, spirit, tears, dust
Why must this be us?
Soul, spirit, tears, dust, how can this be us?
Must… must… I must see her first
Silence, pain, silence, pain
I watched my baby get carried
I saw, I saw, I can still hear
I want, I want, I need her near
Good-bye little bird, your chirp is dear
Look to the heavens and have no fear
We shall, we shall, meet again, the time is near
Goodbye goodbye my dear!

No longer a sapling,
But a budding fruit tree
You try to blossom,
But it never works out-
Whether it be forces of nature or
Your own hesitation

This time, it’s different.
Joy is meant to be released,
In the little seeds
That have begun to sprout

Your curve is fading,
Gradually rejoining the rest of your trunk
You have borne your fruit,
Yet a bite of this apple leaves me
With a sickening feeling that
It was never ripe

when your child comes out stillborn, they give you 24 hours with him.
24 hours of bleeding lips, 24 hours of fragile skin, 24 hours of cold toes.
they bring you food every three hours with the knowledge that you won't eat it, but the comfort of it there is.. sort of nice.
things like this aren't supposed to happen this far along is what they will whisper while they think you are sleeping
24 hours of he's getting colder, 24 hours of a lifeless, still rib cage, 24 hours of come on baby, just open your eyes for mommy.
making your way to the hospital, you hoped to come home with a bouncing blue boy but instead you come home to a cribless room.
they say it's easiest if people get rid of the reminders for you but his empty things are the only way i will ever feel whole.
then they start asking you the hard questions as if you didn't just press the button enough times to tame an ocean with waves full of guilt that will swallow your lungs.
24 hours of limp limbs and unreturned breathing patterns, 24 hours of there's some more flowers here for you, 24 hours of please just leave us alone.
we have 1 more hour together and your unresponsive nerves are growing colder. they made molds of your hands for me like they didn't know i would hold them forever.
we have 1 more hour together and the nurses will never be more apologetic in their whole lives than they are the moment they have to take a sleeping child from a mourning mother.
we have a little under an hour and as you wail, people watch from afar wondering if they'll ever be able to understand that sort of pain, the pain that makes you feel god has ripped your body open and left you for dead, the pain that makes you feel that this life really isn't worth living, the pain that there is no or might not be any god at all.
hours, minutes, seconds, days, time can't even begin to describe how long these panicky flashbacks of the moment they told me they found no heartbeat go on for.

Your love is like a still birth, so much hope, with so much disappointment and despair. When you see what it really is, something beautiful destroyed, You will never get the memory from your mind.Something you will always remember. Something you can still see the potential in, but the thought just bring sorrow. such excruciating pain  you can not help to replay in your head. No ambivalence, Prolific strain on your existence. wishing you still had, and yet hoping it never existed