I look at you
And say,
"Not anymore"
**** it!

You lied and stole
My kindness
And whatever
We were

I'm tired of you
You bring me misery
Besides, you need
Not my pity

Besides, if I left you
You wouldn't bat an eye
Because others
Love you too

So why care anymore?
You'll go off to your tower
And shower your love
To all that care

But me, me!
I wouldn't care
Your love to me
Died yesterday

There was once a time
I thought we only part
When the bomb dropped
And the world caved in

But now! Now!
I don't even hate
I just dislike you
****! I only liked you

Anyways, my misery
I'll try to show pity
But don't expect
Love from me

Why care anyway?
You'll go off to your glass castle
And shower your grace
To all that love you

But me, me!
I wouldn't care
Your love to me
Died yesterday

You have friends,
You have love,
So you definitely
Don't need me anyways

So you
My misery
My misery
Let me breath

****! Why care?!
Why care anyway?
Don't you
See that you hurt me

You'll go off to your capital
Of your golden empire
Shower your love
To all that adore you

But me, me!
I wouldn't care
Your love for me
Died yesterday

And I know,
You'll be fine
So in my love for you
I can not try

dog leashed, tied onto a pitch-black pole
woven to the pillar, like you're woven to my soul

every thought about you pours acid in my heart
and i cough out the rest like blood
one day i'm scavenging for water, a paranoid dart
the next i'm drowning in a hot-pink flood

i saw you in the window of that small local store
after becoming a regular, the door wouldn't open anymore
but you looked so pretty when you were so far away
and for some reason i come back every day

but it was so good at first
you made me finally believe
that someone out there could love someone like me

and i told you what i did wrong
and you said you didn't care
but i must've mistaken that love was in the air

i try to talk to you
i try to understand
but every word i say to you
you repeat back, just bland

and you blame it on me?
you say i'm the confusing one
so i chase and chase, give and give
you never let me take some

it's my mistake i put love first
my mistake i wasn't rational
my mistake that when you said you liked me
i somehow didn't think it was casual

i'm a dog waiting at your door
saliva puddle on your wooden floor
i wait for you to come back
like i'm tied to a pole, pitch-black

my hunger has been satiated now
i open my eyes for the sixth time
this has gone much longer than i can allow
you're making me run out of rhyme
i guess it was my mistake that even then, even now
i somehow thought you would be mine.

I want to write
I want to write you a bouquet of all the words that are most beautiful
Even though they're not the ones I want to say.

I'd say you looked like the glitter of moonlight bathing a forest silver.
When you really reminded me of the glow of the reflection of a lava lamp on a storm-streaked Thursday afternoon school window
A little bit distant and a little bit normal
But still so close,
So special.

I can't tell if my face is hot, if my fingers are hot from you
Or if it's just my PC keyboard
Beginning to overheat and I'm just the same, normal me.
I can't tell if my heart is beating so so so so fast from you
Or if it's just the impending ringing of the school bell playing hopscotch or jump-rope with my adrenaline.

When will we know who we are? What will we do when we do?

I cry often and hard at the moment,
From the soul
Anxiety is rampant and how I wish it wouldn’t control me
I’m too heavy for the people I want to bring joy
But he listens and he cares and he knows the outlines of the darkness inside of me
He kissed my hands and my head
When I called him beautiful
He almost cried

It’s not right, right now. And the rest is up to God
Oh, God.
In Him I’ll trust.
When the time is right, He the Lord will make it happen
But for now, Him first I need. To seek with all my heart.
To find when He is all I have, that He is all I need and more, much more.
To know and to love. To be right with God.
Everything else can wait. Will wait.
His hands. My story.
Redemption? I pray so.
Is he an Isaac? I pray so.

I’m with a boy who will not or cannot love me, or say he loves me
If we accept the love we think we deserve, and I chose and choose him-
It seems fitting
The lack of love I deserve

The words that should soothe, save, heal
Would end.
The confirmation he suspected
That he cannot
So she holds it in
When she feels like she could burst, spill over
She would give him everything
But her everything is not what he wants
So,
The words remain unspoken and wane

He told her when he said it to her, he would say it every morning and night.
It was if, not when

And eventually, she didn’t crave it
Didn’t need it, didn’t want it
Let it mean nothing
Never said it.

"Do you think you will fall in love with me?"
"Sometimes I do"
And I stay for a sometimes.

He let her tell him she loved him
He says he doesn’t know what love is
But he knows that he loved her
That he doesn’t me
And that she tainted this thing he doesn't know for him
And now he, for me

This beautiful boy asleep in my arms
Committing his face to memory
By touch
So that if I were blind and he was in a line
I would know it was he who was mine
So I watch and wish and wait
For him to wake,
For us to break