I actually know how this was going to end,
the great war ended badly for the both of us,
and it's just me in despair again,
so i drove my wheels faster than light
the road became a curve and i was in parallels
t'was a mess, i'm in my next getaway car

i was in my highest in those moments
you threw me, i was at my lowest of lows
maybe it was pathetic of me to think you were different

i know i left you in the blue,
never thought the right thing would be so wrong
you were sunshine, and i was definitely midnight rain

I hate your wit and how childish you are,
where my days were filled by your nonsensical jokes,
where i would swore by your calls,
i hate how i could not live without it
i hate how f*cking tall you are
'cause someday i'll be finding myself in the same crowd as you
and you're the first thing that i will sight
i hate how i remember every detail of your voice, style, and face
i guess the rumors were all true
tall, dark, and beautiful
he flies away and saves someone else

fingers harming hair,
hot fillers *******
open horizontal chair,
hovering blonde slots,
spot scent 'n sound mix,
set in stone carving X,
crack o' clock lingers,
cranked foreign giver,
converting reign leader

ground control to major
ships of implied delusion,
delusionships in fusion
never co-depending,
neither co-developing
deeply- delving, daunting,
open-ended forming,
TRANS-
           CULT-IVATING
                                 EVADING
                                                [R]URAL
rotating­ out of orbit,
falling prey to rotting,
bits of gums soaring,
bites of arms Taste -ing
                          Test sting
                            Test stink
                              Test  sink-ing
                                Test   sink in
                                  Test   sin king
                                    Tes   singing:
                                       La lal lala la la lla

I’d love you less if you were here
crowding my dorm bed, nibbling me,
rubbing me like sandpaper

I’ve come this far all by myself
I am a stone, leave me alone

Let’s keep it nonchalant
don’t kiss me on the lips
don’t label this a situationship
because then one of us would need to care

Deep down
I was holding on tighter than I already knew I should.
Deep down
I was hoping that although it’s not forever now, maybe it would.
Deep down
I was praying that if you gave me the chance, I’d give you everything I could.

Deep down
I know I should’ve trusted my gut more.
Deep down
I know that I was just another girl for you to score.
Deep down
I know that I am broken to the core.

sometimes,
people exist just for you to have a good time with them and then move on from

once you can accept that
it makes everything a lot easier
because a lot of happiness stems from managing expectations

the reason we get hurt so much is because we have a good time with someone
then we obsess-
waiting for them to text us
wanting to see them again
picturing our life with them
and when we find out that they don't want exactly what we do
we're crushed


but really,
they don't owe us a future or anything at all
they don't even owe us a text the next day

and i've come to accept that sometimes a good time can just be a good time
without the promise of a future
.....
and that's fine.

even though
we know deep down we're not fine at all

but, that's still a ******* fine

Id waited so long to get that text
To just hear you say it once;
To hear you apologize
For all the damage that you'd caused.
And for leaving me broken
For moving on without a pause.

Id finally gotten over you
After months of feeling empty
So why now,
When i'm finally feeling plenty,
Did you decide to cut open these scars that had just healed?
Why now,
When I needed you the least,
Did you decide to apologize
For ******* the life and love out of me like a leech?
My heart now stained with the memory of us
Like a black t-shirt stained with bleach.

Was it because you saw that I was finally moving on
And you knew that that one text
Would take me back to square one?
Or was it because you felt guilty for the ****** way you treated me;
Telling me you liked me one day
And disappearing the next.
Because you got bored of your shiny new toy,
One you once believed was the best.

I wish I could say I hated you,
But that would be a lie.
My heart aches for your sadness
And I can't stand the thought of being the reason why.  
That big “*******” I wish I could end lingers on my phone
Because what if that was the last thing I said.
It was the last straw;
A reason for your end.

Thinking about loving you again makes my head spin in ways I didn't know it could.
Because im filled with rage
But also a sadness that I never understood.

Why am I longing to tell you I miss you?
Something I've never admitted out loud.
Because I miss your smile and your laugh.
I miss the way you'd send me pictures of the weather forecast
When it was supposed to storm
Because you knew those were my favorite things.
I long for your familiar warmth.

So ******* for making me feel these things again;
For digging up the past.
******* for making me love you.
******* for being my first.
And most of all ******* for making me believe you'd be my last.

City lights,
Views,
Sunday Blues.

Coffee,
Sunsets,
Can we reset?

Long drives,
Kisses,
Left me in pieces.