I'm sorry, I didn't know that life was such a game.
A game that you have to play.
I forgot about the unwritten rules to follow and now I lost.
Everything.
No peace at all.
I said too much while I couldn't let you know.
Everything.
Too much for one person to carry.
But you can't share it or you loose.
Everything.
I'm sorry, I got angry while I didn't do what was expected.
The game of life we play.
I had too much to carry so I threw away the final thing that helped me.
The last thing.
Now I got nowhere to go.
I said too much and now there are these rules you must follow.
The last thing.
Too much information to carry.
So you have to share it or you fail and you're gonna be out forever.
The last thing.
I am sorry, I could not see clearly and I had to go back to the beginning.
Of the game of life again and again.
It never felt right and it's too much and now I lost.

At some point in my journey I realised that undoing wouldn't be helpful.
That I should be grateful for all that I've learned, for how much we all have grown.
I am still very proud of all the people around me.
But I want to undo the picture they'll see when I leave.
And I wish I could leave.
Three gates I found and they didn't let me through.
I told the guards that the key was me.
It wasn't enough.
All the stars lined up for the perfect goodbye.
Except for the one thing that should have released me.
The key was ready but the lock didn't fit.
Now I know there's no other way but to rest for the next challenge to find the next gate.
I'm in these  tornadoes circling in and out not coming out.
But I won't come out of this world that I'm in without finding a better way out.
Cause this world that I'm in is not my home and it will never be though I tried to make it so.
People helped me to make it right.
Now we need peace.

There's dirt underneath me.
I walk around lost in my body.

A neon zombie.
Through the night.
Neon zombie through the night holding a magic light.
As a guide.

But Everything is aching.
Everything is falling.
And the neon zombie is crawling.
And when it can run, it runs off into space.
Lasers coming from its eyes in a daze.

Although it knows where it belongs and it's not in this body.
Dirt underneath a body.
All around here now and inside of me.
Help, I'm wandering in the space that's left for me not walking freely.

There's dirt underneath me.
I walk around lost in my body.

Still walk neon zombie.
You are never comfy.
With your neon face staring into space.
Before you enter.
Unexpected but always from the centre.

Can I still walk with you, or should I just wait?
So tired of being lost facing this closed gate. (it's closed)
Walking only kills the time and burns away the need and desire.
To not be on fire.

All the time killing time in a tunnel where all babies should die.
And I know why.
It's getting late and it's getting dark.
So sleep before the neon lights spark.

As my life is falling into pieces I learn it's not about how much it shatters.
What the remaining parts look like is what actually matters.
You have no control, you just have to deal with everything as it comes.

You have to trust in yourself in any situation as it welcomes.
Although your mind's in a Matrix that's playing these games.
The programs, they hurt so much as you're walking again through the flames.

Those heroes around you lift you up.
The spirits among you put their arms around you.
You cannot stop.
Not now that the chapter is all new.

The pieces float around me.
I cannot sleep and the world is creepy.
I just surrender and find my world in this world like my friends all do.
Now we're here, look how far you've come, the chapter is all new!

As my life falls down I can just look down and see these pieces flaking.
I'm swimming towards the end altough my body's aching.
It's not very far, just very painful.
I've never felt this dreadful.
But it's not me, it's the pieces falling.
It's not me or my friends but the flakes that are drowning.

I will love you in the moment.
And I will love you forever cause it'll never end!

No body gets immunity to a virus against our community.
Virus entering a body.
Virus entering a system, virus coming through your airways.
Making them feel sore.
Like it's happening in many ways.
It cannot function anymore.

Breaking down, breaking down what once was standing.
Breaking down what once stood tall.
Breaking down, a new beginning or ending. With a body that feels small.

I'm in a body floating feeling like a baby.
Bald and always ready.
For the future that's ahead of me.
I'm a newborn like a baby.
The air is fresh around me and my body's drying up.
The virus never kills me, it will eventually just give up.

Like everything that's killing because I'm in here floating peacefully.
I'll send peace towards the sick.
And the virus I will kick.
I am part of a community that is stronger than a building.
And it will always keep on fighting.
Till the end of everything....
The end of everything.
A new beginning?

It can no longer **** me when I'm dead already.  
I'm in love with knowing it killed me.
Taking off my body.
Like an old coat that I smacked on the floor.
Cause I really really don't need it anymore!

Here is the part where it changed me, it changed you.
I feel everything.
Everything coming through.
And I know and I understand.
How it feels to grow and to hold your hand.

My friends, my army and my family.
In me and me in you, you in me.
No longer will I feel heavy.
I am happy.
And in love cause it has killed me.
It can no longer **** me cause I'm dead already.
I'm so happy!

Everybody is exhausted, one way or another.
Organizing brings more choas.
How do others work, I wonder.

No space in a day, escaping your body.
If it's still worth it you're considered lucky.
Hold on, hold me, time to get cozy.
Rushing so my feelings are behind me.

But I am on fire, shaking and staring.
Losing oversight.
No comfort at night.

So I write it all down cause it won't get done.
One by one.
One step at the time getting dizzy and confused.
How do you see through all the stuff you have used?

Cleaning and moving and changing.
It's a lot of re-arranging.
Is it living or just doing without feeling?

Head exploding, losing energy, any form of capacity.
To even begin to explain what's happening.
People never have nothing to do, always busy.
Overwhelming.

People are the energy like a star.
People are.
People shoot into the air.
And wish to stay there,

But moving is a part of living.
It's a part of everything.
Just keep on managing.

It's a lot.
Keep on smiling.
It's a lot.
Keep on managing.
Till you're not.

Some people move while standing still.
Managing until.
Smiling.
Managing.
Engaging.

I want it all: I want a bath of chocolate milk.
I want his love and a dress of silk.
I want to be bald and punk with a lot of hair.
I want to be passionate and I don't want to care.

And I got all of this but I also want to die.
Cause my body and soul can't get by.
But I want to wait.
Too much to celebrate.
I want to go.
Too many steps to follow.

I want to do all these things.
******* by strings, a deep wound that stings.
Waiting and moving standing still.
Feeling ill.

I am that little destroy toy.
Anya Anyway.
I am a little annoy boy.
Stuck in heavy discomfort all day.

When you scroll down, do you like anything?
When you get down, you do miss something?
Anyway.
Fighting, rushing.
Tightening feeling.

Do you want to be seen?
To be happy?
Cause you're learning so much more in the dark night scene!
Now you're ******!

Destroy toy.
Filthy.
Rotten.
Skum.
Absolutely ******.

I am a little destroy toy.
Anya anyway.
You are a little annoy boy.
Underneath you are so miserable everyday.

When you come up with this nonsense to cover your misery.
I'd like to cover it with mistery.
But I'm angry too often.
And you're kind.
So never mind.
Anyway...

Let's learn in the dark night scene.
And come completely clean, what is it that you really mean?

I am that little destroy toy.
Anya Anyway.
I am a little annoy boy.
Stuck in heavy discomfort all day.

I'm so much happier now that I'm dead.
But between waking and sleeping there's people you might forget.
And I don't want to forget you.
**** me all over when I do.

Swimming right through the grid.
Just to find you back again since you hid.
You were paddling along with me and pushing away hard cemented concrete.
Uncovering old treasures that we lost on the street.
Not too many, but we set them free so they can be anywhere.
All the time like the dust you wear.

It's a little bit softer.
But there must be a moment to let it all be over.
And I don't want to really leave you.
**** me all over when I do.

Floating right through the pit.
Oh I needed it, I needed this hit.
Let me fall into the endless sea.
Without pushing the waves aways from me.
Not too many, but we set them free so they can be anywhere.
All the time like the dust you wear.

It's a lot lot clearer.
A lot lot nearer.
The end.
I'm so much happier.
In the end.
Life is so much better now that I'm dead.
Dreaming is much nicer when I'm not in bed.