I’m on the verge of a dream
Heaven send
So serene
A glimmer of hope, a ray of sun gleam
My heart lights up, my eyes beam
It’s all to much to hope for
Doubt settles in
lock the door
I’ve been kicked to the floor enough times to never be sure
My hearts too sore
Happy endings? Ha! Folk lore...
But what if?
What if? WHAT IF?!
What if it breaks us the way it has every time before
Shatters our very core
Leaves us the broken look Mum always wore
You don’t know that!
It could be so good
Two puzzle pieces carved from the same piece of wood!
A picture of love no falsehood
Just us and him, a verandah and a bottle of Jim
What could be? What should be?
COULD, WOULD, SHOULD?!
How naive...
The best thing to do is let it be..
How can’t you see?
Why reach for the same rose with thorns like horns
So eager to bite
Dripping blood from your last fight
And still your dumb hopeful mouth utters words like might?

Maybe somehow you always knew how you feel
It's a lie to say you can't hear the voices inside your soul
It screams harder than a thundering rain
It stays all night and day to remind you of the pain

You tried to run but you couldn't
To escape the voices so you feel nothing

And for a moment you thought they could be right
That there's a force that you can't control
A bright light you are willing to be drawn into
A feeling you won't be able to explain or understand because it is meant to be so
That it is just you getting it all wrong

But still
Every time you choose you loose
Every leap taken leads nowhere
A grip so strong you could scarcely see
Crushing your soul into tiny pieces

Now you can see

The pain is still there

The anger is still there

The voices are still there

Accept and let go
Let them be
Let them linger

APN
--

You threw it all away
Will be gone and forgotten
That's what you said
you run for your life
holding the promises you never got to keep

With open arms you staring into my heart
One more time
I remember how your touch used to feel like
How your hands warmed my night

You shout and shout and shout
Hoping I will jump into
I know better than to trust you

In the lonely night, I don't think of us anymore
I don't dream about colors and rainbow that once you brought
I don't see my old self no more
It's all should be gone and forgotten