My hope had been taken
by the shadow of the Earth.
But he; he was the
revival of hope that my
world desperately
needed.

Listen please,
  I hear the call
As the paint drips
  From the wall and
Onto the floor.

We are redecorating
Only, we are temporary
As we splatter
To get out the past.
  But hey, I like
  This color
As my hands are
Coated with some
  Thick lacquer
That holds my nails
And wrinkles of my skin.

This hue will go well
With what we don’t have
As the brush smears
The globs
Of pastel
And wipes out
The wallpaper,
Of the previous owner.
Layered away
We discolor,
In layers we
Bury them.

You made me hate not just myself, or yourself, but also everyone and everything around me. You made love feel so unjust and unfair, that I was prejudiced against it, you made me feel like my feelings for you were fruitless, you made me feel like my existence was a flaw in humanity. You have a brutally beautiful way of making me feel guilty, of making me despise all that surrounds me, of making me feel like I'm always the one at fault. And I, I just sit here, forcing myself to breathe in this air that feels like thick mist, I'm trying to dazzle the way I used to before I got belittled, before I was too dazed by your love. I **** you, I **** you for making me feel this way, for making me inhuman and cold, my once indulgent heart that is now stone cold.

But I also don't want you to writhe in these invisible chains that cradled me, I don't want you to suffer with the disenchantment that I suffered with because **** it, I'm so much more than cursing you with all the pessimism that now has become a part of me.

he turned up a winning
ace on his arrival
he turned up an ace
the ace of revival

everyone engrossed
with all that he wrote
oh yeah there was a real
classiness to his tote

he'd arrived at other forums
not getting applause
those places weren't aiding
his penning cause

he turned up a winning
ace on his arrival
he turned up an ace
the ace of revival

when he found the site
where the mob noticed him
there stayed he to garner
kudos on his trim

of the adoring hordes
his arrival did infatuate
a diamond ace card
dealt him triumph's fate

he turned up a winning
ace on his arrival
he turned up an ace
the ace of revival

So we finally have reached the end.

Finally, you have pushed me too far
Finally, I am right on the edge.
I'm feeling too uncomfortable now to not jump
It took longer than I had hoped.

I reeled you in, again & again thinking maybe this time,
he will go through with what he says,
darling... you never did.

Only created a bigger mess out of what already was piling over & in the process you butchered me. You butchered how I felt,
the kind softness I had for you,
you finally turned me to stone.

So how do you like me now?
When I am eager to go,
how does it feel to be "given up" on?
Can you imagine how I have felt?

Theres no such thing as letting go when the person pushes you away.
When the person brings others into the equation.
They already weren't giving enough to just you & now
you saying I gotta share?
You had the nerve... to not even ask... but force me to share?

You only want me when you need me, you weak ****.
You use people when you down and you dont even take the advice given.
You a goofy mf.

The type to neglect the only one holding you down &
look into other girls eyes saying you love them.

Well, go on and love them then.
Go on ahead and miss them
Go kiss them, rub them, lust after them
like you lusted after me, only,
dont call it love this time.
Don't leave them mistaken too.

It ain't right, making someone feel like this,
it ain't right and thats all I can say.

Can't talk to you no more because I left for good this time.
and it hurts but I've just got to keep writing and depending on the Lord
because those are the only consistent things in my life these days.

Im trying not to think of you
but I keep finding myself staring into space and at blank walls wondering where things all went wrong between us.

Wondering why now just wasn't meant for us.
Wondering why I tried so hard to make it meant for us,
wondering why you watched me try so hard and didn't have the guts to say my struggle was pointless.

I would have moved mountains for you, love... had I never found your dark intentions.
It could have been us against the world.

but it wasn't meant for us.

I keep feeling like I smell you,

but it wasn't meant for us.

Im wondering if the other girls liked your lips as much as I did
I want to rip them off your face for letting them all get a taste of what I thought was mine.

So how could you do me like that...
love..
Why was I not enough?
I know timing was off,
but you didn't have to go and do that.

I know timing was off but we talked about making a family
you told me you'd rub my back every night, no question
That we'd go on morning walks
and talk for hours

Love, that was everything I wanted to hear,
Because it sounded so right with you.

Only, we dont have the future. It is not outs to control. All we have is now.

You ask me is there still a chance we can be together when timing is right?
I tell you I don't think Ill be able to trust you again,
but if its real then it comes back.
You said that wasn't the answer you wanted
I said what did you expect.

I didn't tell you though,
how weak I felt.
How badly I wanted to tell you "yes. Ill wait. Please, get it together and I'll wait."
You've turned me pathetic. I still have the armor on
but beneath it everything has gone soft.

You sensed it in the beginning.
My weak spot for you,
and boy you used it again and again until I finally told you to stop.

& I feel better now,
but I can't help wondering what if.
Will we really just become a "what if?"
Something that never happened,
something too good to be true?

I want to believe God will send you back to me
but we're at such a transitioning stage in our lives
who knows what could happen.

Maybe you'll go back to her after all
maybe you'll find another who looks like me
Maybe we will bump into eachother
While I have my kids and you have yours
and suddenly, we'll remember.

How we talked of living like it would be the easiest thing in the world. Like we could create anything, we always seemed to be in a dream land.

I can't help remembering the beautiful parts of you.
I wish I could because it'd make things a whole lot easier.
Its hard because I want to cry
but for some reason you're the one I want to cry on.

Like I want to just lay with you and put my face in your neck and let you hear what you have brought me to,
as if it would matter.

but you gone now,
ain't no more feeling your skin, now.
ain't no more soft feelings for you, now.
Only in my thoughts do I still bend to you,
If I ever saw you I guarantee I'd be frozen solid.

Because sadness lingers,
but that anger burns.

and I ain't ever been so angry at someone.
I ain't ever felt so disrespected, felt like I was nothing.
Like a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe
you stepped on me again and again.
till I was so worn I fell off.
Here I stand, and though I feel limp I know I am about to be at my strongest.

Because theres no way but up once you've been thrown rock bottom.

Without you, I can get back to loving again. I can emerge from this rut I made a home out of for you.
I will love myself again,
since you could not.
I did it before and the Lord will show me I can do it again.

"So this is goodbye..." you said...
& I finally just said "goodbye."

and I think now I'll wait on someone new.
a breath of fresh air who will love me for me and only me.
Better yet, I will find someone who lives in the present.
No more being dragged backwards, thats no way to live.

I'll find someone who loves me the ways you never could.
& sure, he will smell different.
His hands will not be your hands.
His lips will not be your lips.
He will not make me feel the exact ways you made me feel

but his words will be different too, love.
They will be honest and I will breathe heavy, long, thankful sighs of relief.

Finally.

The words will be honest.

A new year is upon us, another time around the sun
A year full of faith and fellowship and fun
A year of family and friends and joy and dreams
Laughter and tears, hopes and fears.
Every year there is a cause for hope for things to come and things to change
Some things we do differently, but most just stay the same.
This year is  a year of Hope! A year to believe in miracles and dreams
A time to walk by faith and not by sight; to quest for the unseen.
It is a year of big things happening, changes great and small
The year may not reveal all the answers, but leads us all to hope.
Hope for families, hope for peace, hope for jobs, for freedom and release
If we come together in love and unity
We can make this world a little better and a little brighter than when it first arrived
Come to the water, let it wash over you and take the dive.
The spirit is moving swiftly and roaring like a lion
Stirring our hearts and starting fires in our souls
Breathing the spark of life back into these flickering coals.
Dry bones will come alive and the earth itself shall cry out
And God's people will have no doubt:
He is Risen, He is Alive, we have been set free
And that knowledge alone is Hope enough for me!

Amen!

I've felt anger for too long
So I called cousel with the Ancients
Asked them for some help
They taught me the art of patience

Mixed with gravity
Rooted in reality
Changed my mentality
So I won't become another causality

So hear me now
Learn to love each soul so bold
Fill you with the fire
Keep away the inner cold

Threatens to steal your life
Admist all the strife
Please head this warning
Hope to see you in the morning.