do you intend to confuse
in order to know who's more worthy to choose?
because i refuse to be played and be used

just when your perfect time strike
and you decide who you like
if you choose him, pls say sike

you're in my way
now you're on the ground
what happened to you
there's blood in your mouth
there's blood on my hand
shiny, metallic, sweet
can i taste it
are you scared
i am
i don't know why
i guess i'll keep walking
over your face
****** footprint on your cheek
i'm sorry
(no i'm not)

I was writing my words
Binding thoughts in my mind
As my head goes insane
So does my lyrics was

I couldn't understand it
I told myself I should feel it
The thing I don't want to feel
I have to bear it to be free

Am I a ****** or just disturbed
Crazed about my feelings in me
I see darkness above the day
And see the light under the night

Is it fine if I surrender?
My mind is madly crazy
Even myself couldn't read it
Cause I'm a man full of sorrows

I see myself as a failure
I couldn't blame myself for it
Thinking too much was my hobby
But it was never a good choice for me

I do what I say in my mind
And I say everything in my thoughts
Forgive me for I was a hindrance
For I am an unbalanced person

The Scar due for Prep

Have you danced with darkness?
Minus, cliche bobble, pale moonlight?
No balance of step, nor vision of sight?
Have you danced with the darkness’ dastardly devils and devious demons?

Everyday divulging deep bleak colors contrasting societies soot lined shadows,
Showing shades of every face weary or strong that it makes you sick!
Fire in your iron lungs,
Pick! Who to burn next in your wanton web,

You yearn to see them torn and scream,
Sowing secret, sacred, scripts of suffering,
“Help me! I’m sorry friend!”
“Let me hug you, friend, and tend,” you’d pretend,

Even adopting a valued visage of light,
Easier to trap and less of a fight,
You think it makes you strong and gives you might,
You got cocky,

Was is greed that took the lead?
Perhaps phallus fueled foolishness,
An ego built pride where you rather would’ve died then had not tried,
Woe, my mental wars,

For I tried to eat a light,
I tried to eat her sight,
Her soul and absorb her might,
But my bite couldn’t swallow or chew,

Rampantly in anger I battled and battered,
Clinging to fleeing demons,
Bawdily bolting from the luminous light,
Till it was I, alone, in the fight,

Rage in every inch of me,
“Why does she look so calm? Don’t mock me! *******! F-U-U-C-K YOU!”
With fire in my eyes I glared,
Observing, she stared,

Then she asked me a question,
“What is wrong?”
My pride, my ego, my lust, my kingdom of slothful rust cried!
“Nothing!”

Then she gave me a glance,
Suddenly she was talking through my shadowy shields and swords,
To a side I had left, alone, long ago,
“What is wrong?”

Suddenly in silence I saw him,
On his knees, hands in black mist,
Me, no more then six, crying,
I wasn’t ******, or glad, or wrathful or mad,

“I’m sad!” I cried in emotional *****, heart sore,
Out of nowhere tears blitzed my face,
A foul feral weep I’d never heard before,
A symphony of suffering, I sowed galore,

How could I know?
That there was a sad little boy behind this ******?
Such a bitter and sweet gift to bestow,
Off to sleep sweet dancing darkness, it’s time for you to go,

A beginning of a journey for this new found soul,
Minus war of my mental mindscape,
Each step an accomplished goal,
Walking along the shallow banks of a warm peaceful shoal.

We lay on clean cut sheets,
Bedouin Societe draped
Over her shoulder
And I
Cold. Behind her Always.

Peach fuzz silk, skin
Flushed pink at the ears
To die at the nape.
How prudent the light is
That falls to her side
Obedient and strange
Clinging to the figure like
Tailored satin.

Christ, even breath
moves with grace
Along the shoulder blades
So supple and sweet
Back down again in progression.
Slow dancing to the ballad of dream.

I hear hesitation in the footsteps
Something is wrong
Two left feet lovers
Trip and trample
She stirs, amorous,
So sweet and simply.
Lips parted, wet.
I take the time to watch

Music stops.
Fresh panic takes hold of her skin
From silk to braille.
Months of work reflected in
Eyes quickly swelling with dread
I forgot shadows aren’t invisible.

Swift lover in the night,
I collapse through the window
My lady, her banshee cries
Plucks my heartstrings
In the chord of betrayal
How audacious.

I electrocuted my body repeatedly,yet there's no feeling at all. I can see the pain, I see the skin changes its form and pigment but no feels. I remember when I told someone close I was diagnosed with depression, i could hear the laughs in his voice.

A few days later I was next in line, awaiting my dose. And now it has happened, it just took one more dilemma and my wheels finally have came off, I am crumbling from the heat of it all but still manage to hide it so well. I just hope that when I finally fall asleep, you will miss my frail existence.