you call my name and my heart stops
before racing double time
a rhythm beating in my chest
in response to your voice

i hear phantom words
your phantom laugh
the phantom feeling of your fingers on mine
as you grab my hand
and we laugh together at you smacking me in the face
inadvertently

your hair dances in the wind
and i want to run my hands through it
we compare lengths
and i tease you, tell you mine is better
and you agree

you crack an unfunny joke and i laugh
because everything you say sounds funny to me
as if you’ve taken up residence
between my ribs
and are tickling them with your very existence

your shirt is open at the collar
and your neck calls to my lips
the impulse to trace patterns onto your skin
and leave a mark
too strong

you share a look with me
when you find someone else amusing
as if we are co-conspirators
a unit against the rest of the world

you hug me so encompassing
that i never want to leave the circle of your arms
i want to linger and hear your heartbeat respond to mine
and smell your cologne on me
for the rest of the day

you whisper in my ear
observations, jokes, utter nonsense
and my pulse races as i lean closer
snatching away these small moments
to keep with me
when you’re not here

I look at her from afar,
Laughter spilling from her soft lips,
Eyes ******* up in mirth,
Hand resting on his sleeve.
My heart constricts, fear renews,
And a thousand bejeweled words,
Are buried under the desire, the ache and the bile,
That rise with her smile.
Her mundane, uninteresting talk,
Washes over me as her animated eyes,
And feather soft tread hold me captivated.
A thousand fantasies spilling from the sight
Of her tongue roving across her mouth,
Her gesticulating hands, her glistening lip.
I, who she deems a close friend, betray her
By my thoughts, my wandering mind, my yearn
For her and everything that comes with her.
A harmless attraction transcends the mere physicality
Into the realm of emotion.

For the first time ever,
I want to rush the summer along...
it'll close the gap
between the times I get to see you.
It will bring us closer to spending
nine unadulterated months together.
And sure, we'll have classes to deal with,
and roommates to navigate,
but we'll have each other.
Not a day will pass
that we don't see each other.
The hours we are in class
will seem like mere seconds
compared to the long weeks we've spent apart
so far this year.
And yet the cycle with start again.
Having spent so many days together,
the weeks apart in the summer will drag on.
No longer do I pine for lazy summer days.
I only pine for you.

They say you can’t fix what ain’t broken;
You can’t complete what’s already whole.
You can’t covet one who is already another’s
You don’t teach compassion to one with no soul.

What need, then, do we have of love
when it may be nothing but an illusion?
Why else would you still have need of another
when separation is a foregone conclusion?

If that’s to be believed as gospel truth
then I don’t need you and never did.
But I can’t seem to convince myself,
Or keep my longing and regret firmly hid.

You can’t complete what’s already whole,
A maxim that I believe in, still.
Yet the truth is: you complete me and I need you,
And perhaps I always will.

*(c) emeraldine087

ten years ago we were nothing like this.
not choking on our words in front of each other.
we used to be so clean but i lost that part of me
when i kissed that boy i didn't even like because
i wanted it so desperately to be you.

i want to turn myself inside out and show you everything i feel
in my heart,
in my ******* lovesick soul
because it's tearing me to pieces.
and it's so hard because i have no idea what you want
and i want so badly for you to want me but
i know it's never been like that
for you ive always just been your best friend.

but best friends don't want to run away with their hands
intertwined and their mouths feasting
off each other until breath becomes scarce.

god, i ******* hate myself.
i wish you knew this
without me having to tell you because
there's no words,
there's never going to be anything to tell you
that what i feel for you is more than
'i love you'

m - ( i'll choke on your bones when we lie side by side six feet under )

I could write such beautiful poetry about you
I could write about how your eyes sparkle when you get excited
Or about how your arms feel when they are holding on to me
I could write about your jawline that could cut glass
Or your collarbones that could hold oceans
I could write about your elegant hands and how they feel when they caress my arm
How they touch me the same way an art collector touches a painting
Slowly and cautiously
Like they aren't supposed to be there
I could write about the way your eyes follow me when I walk
Or how your arms always find their way around me
I could write about the time you held me up
And how I let you
I could do it
It'd be so easy
It'd be so easy about the night we spent laying in the park looking at the stars
Or about the time we first met when you decided holding hands is the best way to travel
About how you rolled down a hill with me a couple hours after it rained
And you gave me your sweater because I was cold afterward
I could write about all of it
But I won't
Because you are with a girl that puts hearts in your eyes
With someone that you feel comfortable and safe with
Even though you are under appreciated
Even though she leaves you in need of validation
Even though I'm pretty sure she is going to cheat on you
I won't write about the chemistry we share
Or the feelings we have
Because you are with a girl who puts hearts in your eyes
But I will write about one thing
I will write about how she may put hearts in your eyes
But I'll put stars
I will take galaxies and give them to you in a perfect little box
Because I know how important they are to you
Because I know how to listen
And I always listen to you

i'm in a car with a beautiful boy,
and i keep telling him that i love him,
so it hurts.
he thinks it's platonic, thinks that i
couldn't turn the entire world
upside down just to show him
how wrong he is.
it's been a week, he says.
(i know this, and i know it hurts, so i
hold his hand except i don't,
not really,
because it all happens in my head)
i tell him, i know, i'm sorry.
and it feels like my hands are on fire
because all i want is to hold him;
i see the ashes leave traces everywhere:
on his face, on his hands, his arms,
his heart.
i blink and it's all gone.
i'm back in the car with the beautiful boy.
he reaches out and holds my hand
and my ribcage expands;
for once in my life,
this is something i cannot find a name for.

That song, that awful terrible song.
The absurd sting. The foolish decision. The irony of it all.
Me, staring down at the black and white grin of the piano keys,
every atom in my body screaming with awareness of you.
If I didn’t look at you, not even once.
If I kept my gaze elsewhere. If I leveled my tone to a sedated monotone.
If I talked about pace and rhythm and chorus and speed up there and slow down here and yes, yes, like that, beautiful. If I didn’t watch your hands on the bow or the bow on the strings
or the light on your face. If I crushed those violets of want blooming in my belly.
If I built myself a castle of steel through which you could never penetrate, maybe,
maybe, I could reach a quivering sort of equilibrium.
But that song. The melody mocking me, mocking my heartache,
pointing to my hidden places and yanking the curtain aside.
It shouldn’t have been romantic, not the stone in my chest, nor the
frigid fact of my unreciprocated feelings
but god, the room shrank until it seemed as if you had hollowed me out and
saturated me with yourself, that the end of me
and the beginning of you had become completely indistinguishable,
my heartbeat so loud we should have heard it echo off the walls.
That song and that glow and that loss. That soft desire, that song
I should never have suggested we play, that ruin.
That song and you and
you.