Let me tell you the reason
why I fell for you...

I have never met anyone
who understands me
as much as you do.
The overthinking, the horror,
the darkness inside me,
the teardrops for no reason.
My love for sadness,
longing for it on my good days
and wanting to die for it
on my bad days
then longing for it again
and again, and again.

It’s not what you think
It’s what I made you to believe in
I censor it
Paranoia pulling deep ends
My words are bruised
Coming straight from heart of warrior
Losing a truce
Counting days when we were merrier
I see them staring deep,
Fishing my answers and my secrets
It’s like I am, an open book easy to tear which
Can be thrown away whenever you would want to
Hold it sternly, it has stories of
scars with faint blues
I yell at my heart with all strength that I’ve left
To speak up against insecurities and deep anxiousness
Someone will hold your hand only if you put it forward
And leave you too,
If its fed with fake jolly smiles and pictures
I’ll tell you this truth,
If I’m ever being honest.
But that’s the thing....
I’m never being honest.

Have I truly lost myself?
My humanity, my grace?
And if I am truly lost then can I find me in this place?

Or have I truly found myself?
My passion, hope, and jest?
And if I am truly found then should I lay my head and rest?

Or should I yet push forward
into the ever-shifting mists,
forget whether to be lost or found and simply just exist.

I feel terribly wrong
The moon doesn't shine
the planets are not aligned
My stomach sinks and I can't control
my heartbeat
Overclouded and no rain
Just a bunch of flying mistakes
I can't stay still, my feet run when I sleep
Courageous, I've been called
But murmurs of weakness I hear
And I feel like death is near
where can I find peace?
Where the leaves are colored
And the sea is aqua blue and the sun's rays are sharp
This palace is my solitude
This feeling is my prison
I can't escape it nor calm it down
It's tied to my veins