i'm no good, but
here I am anyway,
again
typing words
into poems.

i'm afraid that
all this is
a waste of time.
that I read some
poetry somewhere
long ago and
mistakenly believed
that I too could
do that.

but I can't
help it,
these words still
show up
somehow.

even
when they
don't end
well.

You wake up to a painful alarm.
Feet hitting the floor you start your day.
With no feeling you shower and dress.
No breakfast needed.
The drive to work slow but rushed.
Work starts with a shouting boss.
More more more more.
Work drags on.
Lunch.
Tears welling up.
Work starts again.
Numbness and empty paper work.
The days end.  
The drive home slower not rushed.  
Home finally.  
Sleep bed darkness.  
Blank dreams filled with screams.
You wake up to a painful alarm.

I can't handle this
I can't battle this
There's no way I could ever do it again
I won't survive where I've already been
There is no recovery after my relapse
My heart will decay and my soul will collapse
On the verge of breaking
No I'm not faking
This isn't a help me cry
If it comes to this just let me die
It just reminds me of my darkest places
All my schizophrenic echoes in empty spaces
And this time they'll get the better of me
I will suffocate I will cease to be

You acted like a mother
As if I was never a bother

I have always been thankful
For your support is always full

Your wise words
Can never be a bunch of turds

I always remember your advice
To think it twice

You weren't just a friend
You were what they call as "The light"
Who shines with no end

Sometimes I think to myself
I now have a lot of debt

I don't know what happened
But we kind of drifted apart
Yet you'll always be in my heart

I guess all I ever want you to know
Is how you are important and so

I made this specially for you
Read it whenever you feel blue
So you'd have a clue
That I love you too
This may serve as my greatest THANK YOU