wake up
there is silence outside
there is a song playing you don’t know the words to.
there are words, no, cameras on the walls
read them.
here is a microphone -
stop,
stand still,
shed your skin
we are spinning faster than your monkey brain can compute.
air thick with smoke, no —
suffocating planet shaking under plastic wrap.
did you know there are ammonia clouds on jupiter?
do you realise we are fighting over barrels of oil?
don’t touch me
because i don’t know if i want to die,
waiting for the end in the end times

Blue bird,
every time I set you free
unfailingly, you fly back to me.
Perched out of reach
never out of mind
evermore locked in my gravity.

I know, blue bird,
the quandary of a heart
so willingly ensnared.
I remember the soothing drum
of its unquiet content.

I have longed for the keen
euphoric sting you bring
even as I banished you.
Without you
I am an empty nest.
I am so… heavy
with you.

Only I can let you go.
Only you can return to me.

In the darkness there is;
the gentle glow of light from your cigarette
and the reflection of each other
in each other’s eyes

most people dance under the stars
but you and I dance amongst them

I am said to be majestic
That my presence is blessed
Is it though? I question it
They say I symbolise eternity
As if... that is praiseworthy
They merely fear death, thus
They project their fantasies
Upon me, my "holy" flames
They know not, nor care
That I am cursed, forever
Cursed, I say! Cursed! Cursed!
.
Each time I cry in anguish
Hoping my tears are enough
To cool the flames of my soul
As my life painfully burns
Yet, you are confused
You actually believed
That there will be beauty
To arise from my ashes
.
This is a neverending cycle
Am I still me? Is the past real?
When this happens again
Will the new "me" still be me?
The best dreams I ever have
In which I am dying, truly dying
The end, the ultimate finale
I'm tired, I wish to rest
Sing me to sleep, then leave me
If this happens, if I break this cycle
Do not feel bad for me; know this
I will finally be free, to go home
And know true bliss and peace
.

to heal is to rage
to heal is to be confused
to heal is to feel the wrath of sorrow and how it can turn a smile sour for seemingly ever.
it will be ages before you go gently into that good night
spending dusk to dawn wondering
wondering why and wondering how
how you let something so precious break between your fingers that were holding it so soft, so dear
a broken videotape in your mind replaying replaying replaying every time you could have done something, said something different but didn't.

healing is cruel, tearing every fibre out with no mercy - you are unlearning
unlearning and relearning over and over again
and surely enough, you're back on your feet, feeling ready to take the world on one more time.

but somewhere you start to stack bricks around your heart hoping it will hurt less the next time around (secretly hoping there won't be a next time around)
and maybe it'll work, maybe it won't
but every time something slips through your hands, the panic while it hits the ground and breaks into a thousand pieces remains,
no matter how gentle you are or how much you care.

Pwede ba, na sa bawat pag-gising
At bawat pagtibok ng puso habang pumapasok
Ang sinag ng araw sa aking bintana
Ay makakalimutan ka na?

Dala na ang kamao **** tila nakabalot
Sa aking pinunong dibdib
Na niyurakan at kumikirot dahil sa iyong
Mahigpit na hawak sa akin, pwede ba?

Sana nama'y makaligtaan na ang tono, huni, at nilalahad
Ng mga kantang noo'y sinasabayan pa ng ating
Mga tawa, padyak, hiyaw, galaw
Balang araw, sana nga.

Maaari bang itapon na ang papel na naglalaman
Ng mga nais ko sanang ipahayag sayo noon
Kasabay na ang mga kasinungalingang binulyaw mo sa akin gamit ang mga letrang padala mo
Ako'y pagod na.

Pagod nang magparamdam, makiramdam
Makaramdam ng purong pagdamdam
Na alam kong kailan ma'y hindi mo na mararamdaman
Tama na.

Kung maaaring mawalay na
Sa pagkapit sa mga matatamis na salitang
Ibinulong mo sa akin habang inaambunan tayo
Ng sinag ng buwan sa gabing kay liwanag.

Sana'y matuyo na ang mga nasayang na luha
Noong sinabi ko sayo na ika'y aking minamahal
Na kung saan binalik mo sa akin nang mas malutong, mas mabulaklak
Pero putangina, puro lang pala dada at walang kahulugan!

At noong dinagdagan mo pa ng mga pangakong
Pagmamahalan at pagsusuyuan sa ating unang pagkikita
Ay halos sumalangit ako sa tuwa at galak
Pero sa init at pait ng impyerno mo pala ako binagsak.

Gusto sana kitang tanungin
Kung naaalala mo pa ba lahat ng ating mga talumpati
Kung papaano natin nahanap ang ginhawa at katiwasayan
Sa mata ng isa't isa, oh aking minimithi.

Sinubukan kong uminom ng kung anu-anong likor
Na sa sobrang dami ay halos napuntahan ko na siguro
Lahat ng barikan na aking nalalaman
Para lang maialis ka sa isipang ikaw lang ang nilalaman.

Subalit, imbes na ika'y maglaho sa kuro
Ay mas naalala ka sa mga malulungkot na gabing
Nangangamoy alak at naglalasang halik mo
Tulad noong unang gabing hinagkan mo ang nag-iinit kong noo.

Ngayon, ika'y masaya na at kuntento
Sa piling ng taong sinabi mo sa akin na huwag alalahanin
Hindi mo lang alam kung paano ko pinilit ang aking sarili
Na tanggapin lahat ng iyong isinaksak at binaril sa puso kong siil

Tila tintang nakamansta sa puting palamuti
Na di maalis-alis kahit gaano ko man kuskusin
Ang memoryang nakalaan para sayo sa aking isipan at damdamin
Kay hirap nang hubarin at tanggalin

Siguro ako'y itinuring lamang na isang kagamitang
Pwedeng itapon matapos pagdiskitahan ng mapaglarong tadhana
Na noo'y pinaniwalaan at naging pamanhik ko
Sa sandaling itinahi na ang pangalan mo sa nagdurugo kong puso

Pero, sa huli, kinailangang limutin
At iparaya ang damdaming nakakulong parin
Hanggang ngayon sa yakap ng iyong bisig
At himbing ng mga talang tila patalim sa gitna ng dilim

Sana'y natuto na ang sariling pag-iisip
Na hinding-hindi magpalinlang sa mga matatamis na awit
Na pinuputak ng bibig na ang may ari ay
Walang espasyo sa kanyang isip at puso para sa akin.

Aking nawalay na sinta
Maaari bang ika'y pakawalan na?
Para sa atin—o baka sa aking kalayaan at kasiyahan nalang
Pwede ba, kakalimutan na kita?