I lived my life
Now there's no breath left
Will I be abe to survive ..
Before I approach death

I lived my life
Adventurous, not a day went sober
Now I'm out for an unending drive
With death , a cold hearted robber

I lived my life
No regret , no sorrow
Death accepts no bribe
Or few hours I would borrow

I lived my life
Not knowing what comes next
Death gave me nothing but strife
Now the  soul of mine longs for rest

I lived my life
With much wrist slits and  hate
I wish I had never held the  knife
Someone get me out of this crate

I lived my life
Unfolding it's ruthless torture
Death is no paradise
It's nothing but mere  horror

When you gaze upon me,
Tell me what you see?
Squinted eyes and crooked smile,
Or buried misery?
I hide these wounds,
I hide them well,
They seeth beneath,
And burn like hell,
Don't pry that door,
Nor turn that handle,
Peak not in windows,
My life in shambles,
My hate is boiling,
The kettles black,
I'm ****** again,
and can't hold back!

Alas, I'm free of your ****** cage,
And now you too shall share my rage,
You can't control me, little boy,
The spread of misery does bring me joy,
I take the things you claim to cherish,
And twist them til they seem nightmarish,
You asked me once, what do I feel?
It's ,
Taste that coldness you're turning numb,
No wait, the suffering has just begun!
You shall not quit, you spineless wretch,
I throw out anguish for you to fetch,
You chase it down and pounce upon,
Now bring back what I have thrown,
Your teeth sunk deep into this bone,
This bone of hate, filth, and decay,
Now it is your turn to slay.
And breathe... breathe...

I smell it on you, like perfume,
This scent of hatred that you exhume,
It's curled and wicked, it permeates,
This rage, it smolders and conflagrates,
Flesh curled from bone, seared away,
Lash with tongue, til hearts are flayed,
Wound and strike and desiccate,
Released from chest is all my hate!
Eyes roll back, this ecstasy,
My soul, now cleansed, is now set free,
My words and hate I must now sheath,
Beware, my friends, what lurks beneath.

This distillation manifesting in peculiar patterns
Swirling overhead
With eyes that track indirect and understated
Waves that come to slight heads before
Dissipating, I've yet to see them
Break

And there's an agitated dash of nature still
Lurking deep
In blinding, binding, ever present light
In color schemes
That this changing property offers still
Strange it seems
In calm neurosis, slipping through the deep
Brings such panic

A rhythm imprinted in this form
An engraving of the time that passed
Not my friend, no not my friend at all
Such panic, oh such panic
Oh, whatever it is I hold, I've held some time before
What I release, I do so of my own volition
A half truth I'll see myself beside

As I lie still, eyes wide, glaring at the ceiling
As I die slowly, effortlessly, can't stop my head from reeling
Hollow victories
So preoccupied with afterlife; the only meaning I can see in the cyclic thoughts
Entirely dependent on what I can become

I lay on my back
I stare at the ceiling
Winding my mind up
Thinking in patterns

Down on the carpet
Listening to traffic
Grasping at ghosts
Feeling like static

Nothing is concrete
But this feeling so lucid
Demands that I try
To bury myself in it

To become a mold
Static like an image
To hold on this pattern
To hold on anything

Here I am with my head held high
Leaving this deserted land
Straight towards those mesmerizing gates
Of wonderland

I don't know how many times I've been through this
These traumatic events are intense
And the pain from electric shock is immense
But the drugs they give
They are truly pure bliss

I never asked for this
But here I am
Without the help of my friends
And it's just me
Dealing with all of this
It's okay though
I'm too selfless
And I didn't want any of them
Brought into my life's mess

I love them
And I miss them so ******* much.

It feels like an eternity
Keeping my mouth shut
I don't think I can go on like this
Its too difficult
Its too stressful
I don't know what happened
But it's potent
The blood that sits
in my stomach

The secrets I keep
The things I know
Is keeping me hollow
Nevermind the demons
that follow
During the day
During the night
They are always there
And There's no way out

I've done so much good
Done so much bad
But hey
at least I had a good childhood
And  2 loving parents
And few Loving friends
God I miss you all so much
I wish you guys can help me
Escape this nightmare
But it is what it is
And that's how it's going to be
To keep you safe
From those that be.

The things we do
The things we must
Has come at a cost
Now we're among those
Who love drinking blood

We have a long way to go
So keep on screaming
Ignore the bleeding
And numb the feelings
We can do it
Just keep on believing.