I look in the mirror,
and I see

                      pox

         scars

                          marks.

I long to be
the round faced girl
that I see in my memories
with eyes that dance with innocence
despite everything she had been through.

                           That saw fairies and dragons
                in the corners of her room

Who talked to mermaids
                                 and danced with bards

Some would call it an overactive imagination.
But I'm faced with the dullness
in my eyes
and I miss the worlds I created.

Because this one

hurts.

I.

Sunning beside a sheer cliffside

Upon monuments of sediment baked in cooling salts

a liquid caress

Bitter winds eddy the pulsing surface which

breaks to rake smoothly a tide from the steaming sand

In swallowing beat a swollen retreat again

through the depthless sea

Bubbling secrets that rise into foam



II.

The bodies beneath the still water

Sweep through brown clouds that,

In their opacity, and among the weeds,

Curling, beckoning, uncurling

allow their scales to catch light

And with one rare eye, penetrating

I am seen, waiting


III.

I followed the stars into your home

and thought to see, keep

what treasures I touched

in their abundance, you wouldn’t miss one

if you noticed I had been there.

But, you always saw me and gifted me

life, at once, and death to life before

and to know your place in heaven

is to eternally wish

to wet my feet in your waters



IV.

I want you to bury me.

From my tongue,

taste conquest.

I will be still

except to clench my fist

and fill my palm with you.

The noise at the back of my throat-

Don’t stop.

Bury me.

I wish there was a magical ground
   where centaurs would heal
   and to protect the land
   some giants to surround
   Thestrals as a traveling mean
   Golems to follow my command
   sphinxes to fulfill my demand
   some sylphs gatherings
   and mermaids to fill the air
   with their melodious voice
   unicorns with their freedoms
   to bring the brightness to this world

Lying
Is easier without eye contact.
In a text message,
You can say anything,
And they'll never know.

Yes, I read your letter,
No, I haven't cut recently,
Yes, I'm taking my meds,
No, I'm not thinking about killing myself.

They like to hear that last one.
No, I'm not thinking about killing myself.
But it's never the truth.
I am always thinking about killing myself.
Not like I'm thinking about going to work tomorrow,
But like I think that I could be a mermaid.
Sure, I'm probably not going to be a mermaid,
But it sounds like a nice escape sometimes, doesn't it?

Writing by the moonlight,
she gets lost in the Ocean’s waves,
half Angel have Mermaid,
have uncontrollable have behaved,

so beautiful she is,
this Work of Art in Progress,
she’s got this God feeling God Blessed,
which only makes sense since she’s a Goddess,

lost in,
her conscious,
we’re in love,
it’s obvious,
this life,
is only an instant,
then it’s gone in a flash,
like an epiphany or meditative vision,
everything’s intrinsic and happens in an instant,
so we operate of instinct and intuition,

we drink from the Fountain of Youth,
and eat the Forbidden Fruit when it comes to fruition,
swimmin’ like a dolphin all in this current current that’s constant,
not a fish or a fisherman so I’m not fishing,

just sittin’,
on the beach in Venice,
watching my love swim in the sea,
at midnight under the full moon feeling replenished,

listing to Miguel sing tales,
of The Day The City of Angels Fell,
with my girl and I know she’s only human,
but she seems so much like a Mermaid I swear I see a tail,

as she swims in the ocean,
on a wave catching waves,
half Angel have Mermaid,
have uncontrollable have behaved,

her gaze,
melts these walls I’ve built,
and yeah the water’s rough,
but her touch is smooth as silk,
as we set sail,
into the future and all it entails,

oh God I’ve never felt,
so much for the touch of one,
told you before she’s my lifeguard,
we’re just getting started and the rest are already done,

writing by the moonlight,
she gets lost in the Ocean’s waves,
half Angel have Mermaid,
have uncontrollable have behaved,

so beautiful she is,
this Work of Art in Progress,
she’s got this God feeling God Blessed,
which only makes sense since she’s a Goddess…

∆ Aaron La Lux ∆