I've had a headache for the last 4 days.

I'm sitting in my room surrounded by mementos I keep meaning to throw away.

Everything I own is covered in dust, this way I can tell when its been touched.

My Cat lays dead in a card board box wrapped in her favorite blanket
while I sit here trying to get as high as I can before burying her in my front yard at midnight.

I have 5 hours until I have to drive over 100 miles before the sun rises all for $26.00 an hour.

Another friend died, a close friend, at one time he was my best friend.

I skipped the last 2 funerals and fought at the last one I went to.

Did I mention my Cat.
She saved my life once.
She was 18 years old and died in my arms.

I've had a headache for the last 4 days and I refuse to take any kind of pills.

I'm still alive but dead on the side you can't see.

I'll count the signs along the highway and pray for someone to hear me.

She invited me to dinner , I haven't gone anywhere but work and the liquor store in years.

I told her I missed her but asked her not to stay.

There's been a lot of unnecessary death in San Pedro these last few years.
People I once considered brothers, some at one time I would have done anything for.
We are all getting older, a lot of things have changed.
Some of the things we used to abuse now have the power to **** us.
Be mindful of what it is you are doing, things aren't the same anymore.
  Remember Never Do It Alone  its not the same anymore.
Please be careful, you know who you are.
Call me if you have to but just don't do it alone.
The reasons we've all had for not speaking for years shouldn't matter anymore.
We are living in a time like no other, not everyone will make it to see the outcome of future events.
I should've answered his message instead of being mad about something 10 years ago.
Now it's too late and there's nothing worse than too late.

Rest Easy My Friends
F.Laponovich
B.Ardias
R.Monje
D.Monje Sr.
R.M Monje
B.Wheat
C.Ivisovich
M.Faust
J.Beazera

I'm in a
world
full of
Giants.

Everyone
looks
down
upon
me.

Unionized Teachers and
Radicalized Administrators
believe somehow they know whats best.

Agenda driven issues disguised as ideas.
Tolerance and equality have both lost their way.

Bearded women dressed in *******
read stories about Princess Boys to confused children.

Kindergarten boys drawing Crayola vaginas
while the girls form phalluses from play do.

Inverted celebrities influence
the young.
While the verbal history of their
elders is ignored.

All of this is by design.
The Law of Reversal
is their law
not mine.

Their goal is to
usher in The End of Days
like they have so many times before.

The twenty somethings
are all for science and progression.
Yet have no idea
what freedom ever was.

The Harbor freeway was without the congestion and the gridlock that made this highway famous.
Empty freeways demand speed and in Los Angeles everyone's in a hurry with somewhere to go.

It was a rare sight in a city full of men and their machines
A rare sight that was quietly becoming normal.

The lack of cars made the otherwise thick layer of ***** brown smog become a minor smear on an otherwise beautiful blue Southern California day.
With the changing of the guard the nameless planes with their exaggerated white lines across our skies magically returned.

There's more of us noticing things today than any other time before.

To the far West Venice is dying and the beach has become a refugee camp full of tents and blue tarps all wasting in the wind.
Handball courts now occupied by old bikes, tents and an array of useless garbage someone calls their property.
And the California girls' no longer come here to tan.

The girls on Figueroa stand half naked on 64th street waving like debutants at the lonely men as they window shop for *** from the safety of their vehicles.
The girls here never tell you their real name and all the men are called John.

The Gang members in the Hoods on the West side and in the Varrios and the Projects on the East all use Graffiti as a way to convey their threats to one another.
The Taggers bright, bold pieces bring colors to the otherwise grey concrete freeways.

Downtown is nowhere you want to be without a million dollars or a side arm and a reason.
They gave Skid Row up to the people and the graffiti then watched in horror as it grew into what it has become today.

South Central continues to bleed red, brown, blue and black.
Curbside motive candles dot the city corners like mile markers along the highway.
There's been far too much death to ever mention peace here.

Hollywood is slowly dying and Melrose is at 50% capacity with robberies happening almost everyday on Rodeo.

The Cranes along the Harbor stand like giant monuments to a God no one prays to anymore.
And there's a lot less Cargo trucks on the road today then any other time before.

Yet we are told to "Stay home ,we'll pay you to do so".
While outside our city is dying and there is no where to spend the money we're given anyway.

Use to be afraid to die. First time I learned about death I could only cry. Sobbing in the back seat of my parents car. Asking them why why?! My mind never went so far. To think my existence could just stop. Like it was just a 9 to 5 job. On the way out, not even a visit to life's giftshop. I learned the hard way to not be afraid. Still I really wish you stayed. My best friend, my soulmate. He thought me to see life trough a different set of eyes. Lifes filled with dark lows and bright highs. Everyone dies. So rather then waiting for your demise. Enjoy life while you can! Don't worry to much about your lifespan. Just enjoy the bumpy ride. Do not get stuck on ,did I get everything right? You can die in peace knowing you really tried.

Hallucination

I never knew, I never knew
how painful it would be
for losing you. Outta sight,
outta mind,

Flowing from your words pouring
down on me, am I becoming your
poison?

Advert your eyes, please deny me
the temptation of this pain,
that I can't let go of.

From your words pouring
down on me, am I your own
brand of poison?

The spaces between us are
empty and to walk away from the sun
your world became cold.

Am I your poison
can this be real or
just a hallucination?

A misplaced angel dreams of lush facades,
Marinated in an amber-honey glaze that
pools into the streets, homes and
hearts of its radiant inhabitants

I wish to rip that page
from Dorothy Gale's book,
heel clicking until I am back
in that primal womb of sunshine

where I am able to soak in
the richness of natal nutrients
conceived for my angeleño heart

The hospitals full
The ambulances all gone
My heart empty
My trust gone

The hospitals full
The ambulances all gone
The doctors and nurses maxed out
Can life still go on?

The hospitals full
The ambulances all gone
The morgues and mortuaries over-spilling
In the City of Angels and lost souls

The hospitals full
The ambulances all gone
I wear two masks, a smile and one of cloth
Life must go on

The hospitals full
The ambulances all gone
As ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three
Happy new year?

In the City of Angels and lost souls
The hospitals are full
The ambulances all gone
as we ring in a "new" year and life must go on

The hospitals remain full
The ambulances still gone
as one, two, three, four, five, six friend and family we bury
as living death still stalks on

A tall, proud 
sunflower
reigns as an empress 
over 
a trickle of a
river

She stands, thirsty
daring 
to live in
barrenness

She is not 
proud
because she is 
exceptional

She is proud
because
she was determined,
audacious

She overcame concrete,
thirst
relying on sunlit 
days 

She overcame man's
concrete
rules for her
blooming

She is blooming
defiantly
regally, in season

She is a 
tall
proud sunflower