I'm looking for Meaning
for answers to the questions blurry in my mind
visable through my screaming heart
my aching chest
the hole in the middle
where my soul ought to be
fighting for room, fighting for breath
;
I'm looking for Love
whatever that is supposed to be
a gift, a curse, a savior
responsibility
freedom of me
try not to run away
at first sight
;
I'm looking for Death
for it is a choice
but binding by nature
unavoidable
face it
accept or despair
one can not wander in a painting
without minding the frame
;
I'm looking for Purpose
for me to face myself
in no mirror
you weak, fragile, useless being
find your use
don't be to ******* yourself
they say
;
I'm looking for many things in Life
yet do not open the door
I am scared
live to die another day
in my bedroom
get out
;

Beauty on her left
Ambition on her right
Looking from every angle
I can see her flashing might

I wish I had the same splendor
to walk confidently by her side
I fear the public and their opinions
I fear the shadow where I will hide

Everyday I  battle against depression it whispers to me that I don't matter to anyone.

Anxiety tells me I'm just a burden to everyone.

My doubt  tells me to give up & that's I'm worthless.

My insecurity tells me I'm not beautiful.

My doubt tells me I will never be loved because I'm unlovable.

Depression makes me doubt & question if I should even be alive anymore.
My mind tells me I deserve to feel numb