Hey everyone (aka the like 5 ppl who matter to me on this app)

I'm taking a hiatus from life for a bit.

I'm being admitted (partially by choice) to a psychiatric ward.

Do not worry about me, I will be ok.

I just need a little extra help after everything that has happened.

I'll post something when I can come back

Be safe.

Stay gold, 🌙

Yours truely,

Liam, (Host of the Blue Bottle System)

Claws rip me inside-out
The path of my spine allows it.
I look up at myself
Surgery scars, shaky limbs,
Pale skin, scabs, and veins.
I’m slouched over, limp
As fire burns through my bones.
The room is spinning through,
my heart is falling out of my chest
My lungs struggle and shake.
The paramedic questions me,
I see his blurred figure through tears.
They connect the wires,
Words fail me this time.
Sweat is dripping down my body
Cold needles caress me.
This is going to be a long night.

A vulture flies over the hospital.
After a meal, we never feel full.
We eat it all, but it’s never enough.
A few weeks in here will make you feel tough.
Stronger than iron, but weaker than will.
Today, you are strong, but wait until
They change your meds, give you the wrong drug.
It’ll leave you angry, like a violent ****.
Wait one more week, wait one more day.
Stay here forever, it’s better that way.
They give you warmth, and food to eat,
All of your meds, a bed to sleep.
But you cannot stay, your time here is done.
Look back at the window, the vulture is gone.

Pitchforks torment us all silently
Ghosts in their sheets and the devils
Lingering among the Halls
It is full of strangers
A strange emptiness
The bleached white walls
This strange place
Is not
Death

So here I am,
all wired up
and feeling weird,
but, it is not quite
as scary as I had feared.
I am just chilling out
here in my hospital bed,
with staff checking
periodically
that I'm not dead.

My gown has got gaps
where gaps shouldn't be,
revealing parts of my body
that folks shouldn't see!
The cardiac ward
is not my choice
of a holiday home
and not the vacation
that I wished to go on.

Yesterday afternoon
the consultant
did their walk,
visited and spoke
in medical talk,
but, I just nodded
and agreed, although
Myocardial Regurgitation
completely baffled me!

(Thank the lord for Google!)

Sadly I have
to pay to watch TV,
but hey,
at least the WiFi is free.
The nurses are awesome,
they check my stats
and bring cups of tea,
and someone else
is cooking my meals for me.

©️Lizzie Bevis

my grandmother unscrewed
the door to my room
and removed the carpet from my floor

in the winter months
my toes went white and my fingertips hued blue
my lips marred red as i looked to the ceiling
and pondered my importance in this reality

i went to sleep that night and had a dream
i thought was so clever
in this dream i said: 'Roses are sometimes red, and violets
are rarely blue'.
Somebody hand me a Pulitzer this instant

in hindsight, my dreams were foretelling
as i awoke in the hospital with a headache
and diagnosis of hypothermia
the nurses and social workers sat in chairs
with my grandmother beside them  

i closed my eyes and visualized all the
yellow roses and white violets often overlooked
and with a few smiles
and words of affirmations to the guests judging my performance
I received a standing ovation
of vibrant violets and beautiful deep reds thrown on stage
and returned to the Tiled Floors.