I think of you all the time and how I never call.
So I bought cards and stamps.
I would write all the people I loved but hardly knew anymore,
and I would feel the keeper of guilty weight untie my wrists,
let me hit the ground hard and remember that I am connected to something.
I tucked them away on the windowsill and thought about what I would say.

The colours have melted into one another now,
coral reds and blue purples, the jewelry of infectious yellow card stock,
the ink's faded in the sun's light.

I haven’t decided what to say, and the price of stamps goes up all the time, so I’ve decided that I should leave them all alone after all.

I have given you
all of the wisdom I have,
now ******* will you?

Stop acting like I
owe you something, or that you
never shut me out.

I saw you and I
opened every door, but
you were “too afraid”.

Leave me alone then.
You hesitated and lost.
Your chances are gone.

Keep close what you have,
and cherish that in my place.
The doors are closed now.

Time and again more and more number of possibilities are been explored keeping in mind the past, present and the future.
The hesitation still remains
A great deal of uncertainty keeps everything on hold
Better to move ahead one step at a time
Be wise
Since the failure from past still haunts the mind
What now?
What next?
What else?
What if something goes wrong?
What if something misses the mark?
Questions and more number of questions are raised
However, definitely these are not questions
These are doubts that are raised in the form of questions

Understand the situation
Feel the pulse of the moment
Analyze everything and then move ahead to take the risk
Better to do something rather than to back out
Better to test the strength
Better to face failure rather than to dismiss the thought of taking the proper line of action
Time to monitor the situation now and think again
Negotiation and compromise are out of question
Innovation is not going to take care and solve the problem
It’s the transformation of thoughts into strength
Transformation of words into action
Transformation of will power into an ability to execute
Since everything is at stake
As of now it’s the skill, strength, determination and ability that will get testified
No matter what happens now
One thing remains for sure
Give your best and fight till the end
Let’s see what happens then.

I failed to mention my frustration
when I told you "no" without hesitation,
but you pulled me in with determination,
and left my body full of devastation.
I laugh when you're brought up in conversation.
The truth is that I'm avoiding confrontation.

Soft spoken
This hidden nature of my own heart
Keeps me wrapped up in daydreams

Hesitant
A river of emotion flowing before me
Threatening to flood
And you want me….
To..
Hop skip and jump across
The tentative stones of our friendship
And say
“Hello?”

I sit back down from trepidation

Its not that what you ask is excessive.
But…
What if I’m wrong?

What if that’s not what you are asking…
But instead
You are the river, pushing me away.

I found my answer in your hesitation.

- F.T