Occupy my head,
Is what my heart has said,
And as we all know,
So the story goes,
My heart- it tends to win.

Reason says I'm stupid,
A gambling fool,
I used to be the one to play by society's rules.
Now I'm nothing more than a hypocrite,
Dont believe me? It's the truth.

I dont know why I'm chasing,
When I should run fast and far away,
But the silence aches for something I could only dream that I have had.
Yet I carry on, settling for nothing but a sign,
Hoping at the very least I get a real goodbye.

I feel so ******* desperate.
Attachment isn't really my thing,
Except the connection is strong,
Even though it's so wrong,
Why did you go without a single word?

I suppose you're my shortest breath of inspiration,
The ghosted object of my affection.
The joke came true,
I guess we both knew,
You'd eventually become my muse.

Gone before you came,
Your infatuation must have finally faded.
No matter then.
I guess we weren't friends.
So please! I beg...
Stop occupying my head.

If indeed you were intent
on being real friends,
you have very little evidence
but your word to show it.

The only time we talk
is when I start the conversation
or you like the fact that my dads cake read:
"Happy Birthday, you old ****"

Even then, all I get is
Haha, thats brilliant
And what am I supposed to reply?
I don't want to look needy, so nothing.

Maybe if you took
your head out of your ***
And thought about what I've done,
and been there for you,

then you wouldn't be so rude.

My mind is a mess.

And I am to blame for letting you in.

Words form but they make no sound.
Their shapes bump into one another, just when I'm about to understand.
They change.
They become a part of the rest.
Cluttering up my mind.


You came into my life.

And like a tornado you were brutal and forceful.

Your words sweeter than any other poison.
I let you in despite the feeling in my gut, telling me to run away.
You changed me.
I became someone else.
A person I don't understand.


I saw myself fall apart.

And just like that I was nothing but broken pieces of a person.

Foolishly I let you back whenever you decided to return.
You were the only remedy holding the pieces together, and yet apart.
You continued to disappear.
The lies became longer.
Revealing a truth.
A truth I didn't want to believe.


Now your poison is a part of me.

And with the poison came the addiction with no quick fix.

You were the one who called the shots.
You decided when I would get my sweet poison, the satisfaction that slowly killed.
I no longer am.
I am a ghost of a person whom used to be.
A hollow shadow.
A shadow that follows your twisted love to survive.
A love that was never real.

A love that has left my heart twisted.

Maybe one day
I can find the good
in his goodbye
although it was never said.