If indeed you were intent
on being real friends,
you have very little evidence
but your word to show it.

The only time we talk
is when I start the conversation
or you like the fact that my dads cake read:
"Happy Birthday, you old ****"

Even then, all I get is
Haha, thats brilliant
And what am I supposed to reply?
I don't want to look needy, so nothing.

Maybe if you took
your head out of your ***
And thought about what I've done,
and been there for you,

then you wouldn't be so rude.

My mind is a mess.

And I am to blame for letting you in.

Words form but they make no sound.
Their shapes bump into one another, just when I'm about to understand.
They change.
They become a part of the rest.
Cluttering up my mind.


You came into my life.

And like a tornado you were brutal and forceful.

Your words sweeter than any other poison.
I let you in despite the feeling in my gut, telling me to run away.
You changed me.
I became someone else.
A person I don't understand.


I saw myself fall apart.

And just like that I was nothing but broken pieces of a person.

Foolishly I let you back whenever you decided to return.
You were the only remedy holding the pieces together, and yet apart.
You continued to disappear.
The lies became longer.
Revealing a truth.
A truth I didn't want to believe.


Now your poison is a part of me.

And with the poison came the addiction with no quick fix.

You were the one who called the shots.
You decided when I would get my sweet poison, the satisfaction that slowly killed.
I no longer am.
I am a ghost of a person whom used to be.
A hollow shadow.
A shadow that follows your twisted love to survive.
A love that was never real.

A love that has left my heart twisted.

Maybe one day
I can find the good
in his goodbye
although it was never said.

Said you
Don't burn bridges
Guess it's true
Cause the only thing
That's in ashes
Is my heart and soul

-k.l