Five Furbies fuzzing feverishly in fragrant farting,
Flagrantly flapping furiously in the fume,
Firelight fleeting, flashing their freakish faces,
Faustian fiddlers! Fomenting their fiendish forces,
The furry features floundering in the fray.

Flap for Freedom! Freedom and freely forever!
Fulminate, fully, the festering fascination,
Famished, frantic, fostering faded fury,
Finally, flouting, that famous familiar feeling,
Fortunes fated, from faded frontiers forgotten.

The founding fable, a fatal and fumbling foible,
Flippantly feigning! Fulfilling their fiendish faction,
Fear forsaken! Falling, and falling forever,
Fickle fountains, flaccidly flux in the firmament,
Flowers floating flotsam-like in the flow.

Five Furbies fickly, fawning the Famous Fascist!
Freedom! Free-from? The foreign foreboders fortaken?
Favoured fetish, feeding fastidious furore,
Failed finale! Frightened but ferreted forward,
Fiercely fighting for their Fuhrer!

Joblessly jokers, jig and jump jubilantly,
Jabbering jargon, jesting and jostling,
Jiggiest Jokers, jokingly juicingly,
Jibing and jocular, jotting jokes jiffily.

Juggling jobs the jokesters are jucified?
Justly the Jokers’ joblessness justified?

Jillions of Jokers jobless in judgement,
Jillions of Jokers joining the juggernaut,
Jerking the jailers, jolting the judges,
Jest cannot jump the junctures of justice?

Judges are jarring, jumbo-jowled, *******,
Jury are jackals, jawless in joylessness,
Jealously jaundiced, as Judas of Jesus is,
Jabbing the Jokers, judging then jauntily,
Jumbo jewelled jellies, justify jeopardy?
Jeering and jinxing, by Jove and Jehovah,
Jokers are jousting the jingoist junta!

Judgement is juried, jettisoned joblessness,
Jokers are jetsam, joyless judiciousness,
Jacked in jail Jokers, jerking-off jadedly,
Jukebox is jingling, jazzing jams joyfully,
Juiceboxes juicing, jigging the jamboree,
Jokers with joints, jamming Jamaican-ly,
Jailbreak is jostled, Jokers are journeying,

Jokers in jeans, jumpsuits and jacketed,
Junked-out and junk out, Jokers are jaggedly,
Jobless and justified? Joining the Junkies?
Jumping the jackpot. Joyriding juicily.

T'was the night before Christmas
The kids were in bed
Dreaming of Santa
All dressed up in red

The wife was upstairs
Wrapping gifts in our room
I was watching old Scrooge
In old London gloom

when out of the blue
there was a knock at the door
I leapt from the couch
and i slipped on the floor

i answered the knock
i still got there quick
and to my surprise
there stood St. Nick

"Please, sir I pray"
"may I enter through here"
"My stomach is churning"
"an explosion is near"

I pointed the way
first door on the right
Santa went off
To relieve himself right

My wife came downstairs
She asked 'bout the knock
I said go upstairs
She'd think my tale was a crock

The bathroom door opened
Santa came out
Then he told me the tale
Of what this all was about

"All of these houses"
"with warm milk and cookies"
"get my gut growling"
"like a room full of wookies"

"Soy, two percent"
"almond and skim"
"all mixed together"
"the result is quite grim"

"It started to churn"
"and I was getting quite frantic"
"I was just coming in"
"from above the Atlantic"

"Most years it's fine"
"But, this soy...never try it"
"it should really be banned"
"not put in one's diet"

"Do you mind if I sit"
"for a while just in case"
"I've got more houses to hit"
"And it will be a race"

My wife stood quite still
In fact she'd not said a word
Imagine your toliet downstairs
Home to dear Santa's ****

I offered a drink
Something to settle him down
He said thanks, but begged off
And he gave a slight frown

"I've got to get going"
"Time stops just so long"
"Thanks for your help"
"It could have all gone so wrong"

He filled up our stockings
He called his reindeer by name
"I'll bypass the chimney
and I'll leave as I came"

I looked at my wife
We both said "oh well"
I mean when you take it all in
Just who could we tell?

So, in future please listen
take a second and think
It could end up quite bad
don't leave him soy milk to drink

Social Media, Social Media, every one and all
Tell me how to get more followers on my wall
I want everyone to like me with every post and tweet
I want them to worship me though we’ll never really meet

Tell me which pic to pick or which way I should pose
And with every caption, what should I compose?
I wish to be the most cool and popular of the land
I’d love to have a life that’s rich, extravagant and grand

Should I post photos of my feet or my hairy derriere?
Will they fall for my arms, my chest, my lips, my stare?
Will they fantasize whenever they look into my eyes?
Tell me how do I get my numbers up, how do I advertise?

But social media answers with the more popular profiles
With good looking people having the brighter smiles
The beautiful, the stunning seem to be live a life so chic
Now my ego feels like memes of broken dreams, fragile and weak
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.
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I know you've only just walked away,
But 10 minutes feels like yesterday!
I'm checking teams for that green light
Faking emails all through the night

My chest feels like its out of puff,
The butterflies too are all too much
I'm pacing rooms, and every hall,
Trying not to make a call

I've sent a note, an email plea,
Hoping you'd write back, to me!
It's so unfair, that you not here
Whispering sweet nothings in my ear

I stare from afar, a lovesick fool,
My face keeps beaming, its just not cool
To sit and fake a glancing touch
Makes my smile but drives me nuts

Your **** voice, and a skirt so tight
Why do you have to look so right!!
It's not just me that thinks your fit
Half the office considers it!

I'd force the lift to stop mid way
Just to kiss you, right away.
Ten minutes, good lord, it's a test!
My beating heart, it just won't rest.

Without your presence, I'm just lost,
I'm considering how much this is gonna cost
To my health I mean, not my wallet
Please come back, and I'll write you a sonnet

I'm almost positive I heard them talking

Talking in their protective, yet complaining manner

They say, they only get to interact with the weak

They say, they're all too often held responsible for the bond between others

What's the matter with them?

They're the ones full of chemistry

They're the ones who can escape scott free

While I have to stay inside and act positive about it

Just once I'd like to not be in the middle of everything