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I'm just attempting to manage my emotions,
I'm doing the best I can,
Mostly I think I'm doing very ******* well,
Or maybe I just want all these "professionals" to be wrong.

Occasionally I stop and remember:
"Of course they're right Chloe,
How can you possibly say you don't have deep psychological issues right now?"
But since these dissociative symptoms have started:
I've felt amazing mentally.

I must admit that before that,
I felt pretty bad - bad enough to actually admit and ask for help,
But doesn't that show how I'm "dealing with it",
I don't like people telling me my body's dealing with my psychological feelings physically,
I express myself all the **** time,
And they don't know anything!

I'm sick of the psychoanalysis,
And then them claiming they don't psychoanalyse
On that website they keep telling me to revisit.
They seem to think if you talk about your problems -
They just disappear!
And if you educate yourself on conversion disorders -
The symptoms will finally go away!
I could go through that website,
A thousand times and I will still
Remain to have spasms, tremors
And weakness.

I am managing my thoughts and feelings at the moment,
But that doesn't help me manage my physical symptoms:
They are literally debilitating and unmanageable,
Only they tell me I need to "accept it",
This whole poem is showcasing me doing exactly that.
As many times as I deny thinking that this is a functional illness,
I match referring to it as just that.

It's funny that I write so much,
And almost worship the skill
Yet I haven't felt the need to write about what's been happening for months now.
The reason I finally am in this moment,
Was actually because
I think I'm starting to feel things again,
And now I'm wondering if I've been pushing all of it back,
Which is exactly what they want to hear,
So they can say "your body's expressing it because your mind can't manage it, you need to express and deal with this."
You know what?
I really do wonder what the hell they think that "coping" is!

Maybe they would just say,
I'm avoiding my feelings and memories right now,
By coming to my notes section to seek some peace,
As what they would like to think of as a facade,
All comes crumbling down.

The waves of intensity belong to me,
And as much as I don't always enjoy them,
You can leave them all alone because they're mine,
And you can't tell me how or if I'm handling them properly.
Sometimes I just feel like this is who I am,
This is what I'm prone to,
And if you want me to just get over it then fine,
I didn't seek you out in the first place
So if you want to think that I'm over it,
Then that's okay with me.
Skylar Keith Apr 2018
Mama, Mama
Sweet smiles and laughter
A slow change in time and distance

Papa, Papa
Recurring absences
Assumptions that you've forced onto me

Sometimes I want to have a functional family
Sometimes I am glad it is this way
Otherwise I may have not met the people I know and love today

Thank you
George Krokos Dec 2017
A solar watch will keep good time
but every once in a while it has to
see the source of where it gets the
energy from, to be functional, and
provide the information that gives
it the very reason for its existence.
Written in 2017.
Liam C Calhoun Aug 2015
I’m what they call a,
I still shave
And later scratch the burn atop
My, “apple.”

I’m what they call a,
I wake up. I go to work.
I hate copy-machine jams.
And I hate my boss.

I’m what they call a,
In China, poets often drink.
I drink,
Therefore I’m in China.

I’m what they call a,
Which doesn’t excuse,
It creates my, “excuse,”
At the least, to wander.

And I’m what they call a,
If I weren’t, I’d never sleep;
I’d never live, never dream,
And’d never know you.
I'm not going to lie; I like to drink.

— The End —