we are grids and squares
some of us supporting figures
and the wires that make things work
we rely and we take
captivate and motivate
but are still unhappy with what we have
easily disheartened by the chances we get

live up to your expectations.
play your part.

My compass can’t decide on a point.
And neither can my mind.
The list goes on as far back as the paces remain in the sand.
There was a time I would let the wind take me anywhere.
But these chains are ever so cumbersome.
Reality seems to want me right here.
There is no forcing the paradigm this time.
No amount of meditation can cleanse this sin.
For one can only ask for forgiveness so many times.
And now.
The tattoo remains.
Coiling about.
Ushering those dormant thoughts and urges.
Right to the very surface.
Only the seal.
Was lost some time ago.
Or rather thrown away.
But semantics will get us nowhere.
And neither will indifference.
Choice.
Follow the white rabbit.
Or believe.
That we forge our own luck.
Only there isn’t a single master about.
For all we truly do.
Is fumble with the tools.
And expect.
A masterpiece.

I don't disappoint people,
I just take them through lessons on why they should never have their hopes raised too high.

Before you said a word
I knew what every single one was.

Before you said his name
It was burning in the back of my head.

I thought I saw the future,
Our future,
But then I realized something dreadful:
I couldn't see anything.

Look at me

be still

like drops of dew

that refuse to fall

into the fresh soil

of the garden where our love once grew

soil that could only remind me

of the color of your eyes

a shade of brown I first discovered

at the foot of your gates

they were yearning for someone to unlock

the potential love story

hidden well in the back of your consciousness

but that was what it was

a story

you walked the fine line

between fantasy and realism

ever so slightly reminding me

that for a dream to come true

you must never lose sight

of the reality surrounding you

measure the differences between the two

noting them on your skin

like engravements on memorials

to the betrothed of the feelings that were

and now aren't

to the joy we once shared in the smallest of details

now passed amongst make believe stories like Bigfoot

and men that want someone for their 'personality'

we are now strangers

no more than we will be

and no less than we ever were

before your eyelashes wrote anthologies

every time they kissed your cheeks

so that I could read centuries of voices

in your quiet

I painted reflections of a better person

until I was unable to forget

what you were

and I wanted to tell you how much I wanted to kiss you

like an elevator

I wanted to stop and go slowly

marking unspoken parts of you that sung symphonies

every time we touched

I kissed your temporary lips

with persistence

and looked into your eyes

knowing they can be blinding

it always seemed like every place I went to

is just another somewhere to remind me

of how much I miss you

because I still remember the day you left

I don't know how much time has passed

all I know is that the snow falls

and the rivers run their course

time goes on and my youth is stripped away

slowly

one layer at a time

gently and all at once

you used to kiss me like that

gently and all at once

and it felt like a flame against my face

warm and tender

sometimes blinding

shaping monuments into my lips

in the form of a long lost love

I used to tell you

I would chop down my own family tree

to make a paper that would tell you

everything you mean to me

but I'd be wasting a time better spent on better things

and by better I don't necessarily mean superior

just different

because I've spent more than enough time on ghosts

and maybe

there's something hopeful about a life of misery

maybe I should keep your side of the bed empty

maybe I should keep my head underwater

with the mentality that hope's middle name

is maybe

and maybe that's a little crazy

but what's crazier is the thought

that you miss me

maybe

maybe not

maybe I held you like I hold my breath when you see me

instantly

instinctively

maybe I didn't know any better

maybe these questions made us fall apart

maybe not

all I know is that I'm done running

I'm done running for your red lips

I'm finished with your red heart

the perfect mistake
doesn't come into your life
as an ugly thing

oh darling, it's like
warm fire on a cold winter
heating up your skin

it's like finding this
oasis in the desert
quenching up your thirst

it even comes as
human presence on sadness
candle in the dark

the perfect mistake
never regrets hurting you
and will eat you whole

it's thought-consuming
like a passionate first kiss
creating daydreams

fulfilling wishes
like shooting stars in the sky
or is it your eyes?

comes as a surprise
the kind that leaves you breathless
filling the spaces

the perfect mistake
won't come with horns and tail but
as this boy you like

The more you push me up
The more I'll go down

The more you want me to be white
The more I'll turn brown

The more you press me in
The more I'll want to go out

The more you pressure me,
The more I'll eat it all in and slowly build up the tension and explode

The more you expect something from me
The more I disappoint you

The more I think about everything,
The more I slowly **** myself