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Breanna evans Jan 2019
sadly, I'm sadder
in this moment than I was
just moments ago
bipolar life is like a rollercoaster. I don't mind the highs so much, but the lows...

I think I'm gonna throw up
Breanna evans Jan 2019
existence is pain
and all my daily pursuits
just leave me empty
well, it's been a good run, mania...

nice seein' ya
Breanna evans Dec 2018
I wake up every morning
and try to be fruitful
do something, say something
try to be useful
but I realize at the end of the day
that I’m just filling time
with these meaningless things

I play games,
I write things,
exercise,
get some sleep

feel the burn,
toss and turn,
then I rinse and repeat

and if, for some reason
I didn’t get up
then it’d all be the same
‘cos no one gives a ****

my love says I need help,
and that ****** me off
‘cos I know there’s no pill
that can make this all stop

when you have no desire
too tired to live
those antidepressants
aren’t gonna do ****
Believe me, I've tried
Breanna evans Dec 2018
I don’t want to do this
I just want to hide,
just curl up in a ball
while I wait here to die
I don’t know what to say
when you ask me what’s wrong
I wish I could tell you
but I’m just not that strong

the truth is, that
I just don’t feel like living
in a world so judgemental,
so cold, unforgiving
I give it my all
all this world does is take
and it still makes no difference
It’s always the same

I could just disappear
and no one would lose sleep
there’d be someone there
in my place in a week
I just don’t want to do this
I just want to hide
I’m curled up in the darkness
just waiting to die
not even sure what triggered this episode. I felt great when I first woke up
Anno Sep 2018
It ticks
Like a bomb
Inside a cave
When it explodes
It only has one place to go
Out the way it came
With fast wind
Hot fire
And death
That follows
May 29, 2013 6:59pm
Specs Jul 2018
A bridge broken from one side to another.
A telephone wire cut.
Something's wrong inside my head.
The thing is, I don't know just what.

Chirping alarms
Whirring fans
Smoky smells
Red. Blinking. Lights.

A robot whose been programmed wrong,
An exposed sparking wire.
The buttons don't click all the way.
Hazardous, watch for fire.

Danger
Danger
Danger
Do not approach

This automatic switch is supposed to make me excited
This one makes a genuine smile.
Nobody notices, though, that I'm on manual control
And have been for a while.

Overheating
Overworking
Overdoing
Over

Electricity and buttons and wires
Do not mix well with water, I think.
But because I'm in desperate need of repair
I'm in constant thirst for a drink.

"Should have bought that extended warranty."
"Did you turn it off and on again?"
No.
No. Because it's broken.

Hard drive shorting
Lights are blinking
And I'm thinking
My last thoughts exporting

Crackling
Clicking
Clattering
Clanking
Clunking

The only thing that works well anymore
Is the part that goes through the motions.
Perseverance is my constant notion
As I burn myself out on the shore.

It's hot to the touch.
Back off.
Soon, it might Explode
Miira Jun 2018
The never-ending chattering
Like a bullet train forcefully dashing
Across the endless tunnel, wondering,
“Is this a curse or a blessing? “

In the bottomless pit, clearly drowning
Clearly struggling
While others are just intently watching
Thinking it’s all just... acting.
Leah graves May 2018
Its one of those days
When darkness consumes my mind
Taking control of my limbs making it press this knife against my throat
On the floor sobbing
Don’t ask me why it was today because I don’t know
Don’t know why my mind chose the middle of the afternoon to say it wants to die
It just did
Tell me how do I explain that to anybody
That nothing triggered me
It came out of nowhere
Like it was hiding in the shadows waiting for the perfect moment to strike
I couldn’t do it though
Because it hurt
But the miniscule pain gave off temporary relief
It gave me a sense of power
One that I didn’t have over my life
But once my episode is over I get scared
Scared that one day I’ll have enough courage to not just press
But stab
Daye May 2018
‪I was good before the meds‬
Slightly depressed because I wanted to leave my husband
But other than that, I lived.

Is this me?
Is mania my thing?
How many times do I have to trip before I go back to Bing?

Oh ****, everything is all of a sudden exciting!

Counting numbers like a mathematician
Looking at numbers like they’ll come into fruition
A Beautiful Mind subtracting with ambition

Hey Eleven! Is it 11:11?
Upside down, still 11:11
Oh hey, Porche 9-11
That’s my birthday! 9/11

8:44 I’m going to do it
9:44 I’m going to do it
10:44 weighing my options
44 reasons to pop it

Stop it

Where did I get these bruises on my legs?
Shortness of breath
A billion needles stinging through my chest
Night sweats
Driving fast and a little wreckless
That’s when I know I need to get checked
I need to be in this bed
Half dead
Blood sample draining from my head
From another case of miscalibrated meds

This better be the prescription
Otherwise I can’t live knowing my mind can't function
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