its 2 a.m.
and im wide awake.

nobody is as awake as i am
unless theyre partying,
if they're awake at all.

i message you first
pouring out nothing but love.

i message her
sending her memes and talking about her previous messages
that i never saw until now.

i message him
asking him where he is
and that i miss him.

nobody responds
as it's 2 a.m.

why am i awake?

i try to sleep
its been an hour
3 a.m.
and my phone screen lights up.

it's you.

why are you awake??

thank god you're awake...

why do i care so much
about meaningless **** that won't effect my future?
that only gives me daily headaches when i think about it,
or makes me quickly furious?
whatever the reason,
it's like an ****** for my brain...

It’s crazy to say
That I once believed in God
He seemed so real to me
What happened?
Did I fall
From imaginary grace?
Was something there
At all?
Searching for answers
Imbedded in my skin
All I find
In the lines
Are more questions

This isn't meant
To reach
Their eyes
Nor am I
It's a little
Late now to
Consider
Common courtesy
I might as
Well speak
I've nothing
To lose
But everything
I failed
At failing
That's the worst
Failure of all
And some
Nights I still
Dream that
I'm back
In that hell
But in my
Mind I stay
Behind and
I never
Let him go
But that's
Not the truth
I don't know
Where he is
Or who I am
Just that
This mind
Is empty
Of everything
In a way
Tormented
By the things
I swore
I watched
Fade
It's hard
To say that
I won't let them
Break me
When all that
I want is to
Break and
Break and
Break
Until I'm
Shattered down
To a piece
Of sand
Waiting for a
Wave to take
Me away
When I think
Of home
I think
Of pain
There's no
House without
Blades
There's no
Love without
Shame
I'm falling
Away
From all
My drawings
Sketching
Of ideas
I once thought
I had
I can barely
Step in
The rightest
Direction
When every
Which way
I am faced
With the same
Mistakes
I keep on
Making
Maybe it's
Fate that I'll
Leave like
They didn't
Maybe it's
Best that I
Bow out now
Maybe it's
Will that I
Throw caution
To the wind
And myself
With it
This life
Is a hell
That doesn't
Mean it
Has to be mine

I didn't like the way you glanced,
I didn't like the way you gazed,
l didn't like the way you whispered to
the other man's ear.

I didn't like the comments you made,
I didn't like the vibe you were giving my way,
I didn't like the way you smiled.

But you didn't care
that I didn't like.
You didn't care, who I was.
You just didn't care,
because you stepped close anyways

I'm such a failure sometimes
I'm not even close
To perfect
I guess
I never will be
That's okay though
There's enough light inside me
To light up this dark room
And even if it's ugly
It'll have to be enough
For better
Or for worse
All these things
These flaws
These intricacies
Are only for me
I'm a mixing ***
Of all the usual things
In a way all my own
My life
Is a culmination
To the one I am now
To the one I was
To the one I will become
For better
Or for worse
I think I like the one
I am