I was walking through the Courtyard
holding children in my hand.
As I glanced upon the scenery
they fell from me like sand.
So often searched have I,
The path that I had tread;
seeking all the children
lost that I had bred.
I hope they are safe and warm,
More than that I hope they are not dead.

These children give me all I have
and their life force and mine
are much the same.
Yet ask me not to Identify all,
for sharing are they, my name.
I keep them near me as best I can
for to lose them shall cause me pain,
and I shall adopt so many new ones
and by them I shall gain.
I actually cannot see them
yet six trillion I hear I have.
They are so inclined to wandering
I might loose some with just a bath.

who are you
but a few molecules
of the universe
stitched together

what is your voice
bur a single vibration
lost within the echoes
of a thousand more

you tell me that i matter,
that i am different,
that i am special,

but what am i
but a single
strand
of endless DNA
that could still function
after the death
of my chromosomes

all the tangled veins broke
and the waterworks started.
little firework drops
colored my skin on the surface.

and you took this all in
watching me barely breathing,
my soggy heart hardly beating
in the palm of your hand.

i've never wanted anything
more than i wanted this:
my life in your hands,
my DNA in your fingerprints.

this is the only way to die-
at the hands of a stranger i wanted so much,
who could see my entire life at once
by reading my heart's pulp like tea leaves.

Walk with legs that do not buckle ,
not anymore.

Can you stand now ?  
Can you stand on two feet , falling through the space between rest stops ,
pavements eating footsteps up , vibrations miss the point...
......that earth already has a floor !
Can you stand now?

Walk with legs that do not buckle.

With loving hands , i float a paper boat down the stream.
Folded from a sheet of thin lined a4 ,
covered in my frustration, in my self hate , in my wishful thinking of stories never come true , smothered in my silent sighs , etched with the tear stained wisdom soaked tale of hearts growing.

Melded together , ******* in past karma , future favors..... we grew ,

in a dance , letting go of hands then drifting , as if we were floating in space , spiraling far from each other , our minds a better solace then those around us.
Sometimes it would spill over , bubble into a brew around my feet , embarrass me with my heart all too feeling. A bad taste lolls on my tongue , from words i wish i had spoken , fear whispering things into my ears, noises of bad deeds imaginary.

I'm not supposed to tell you that someone helped heal me , much more than any others...
I'm supposed to have done it all myself.
But he stays

he stays, after seeing aspects i could barely show to myself they rung with such hollow heartfelt heartlessness.
Misguided identity fraud , is the name of this game.


I've offered plenty of times
"leave when you need to.... i know i can be too much"

shhh he says.
With loving hands , where all experience still  sits engraved in skin,
i'll tell you a secret,
the boat never floats away.
But joins all the others , bunched up
on a strand of DNA.