last night i wept
because i didn't know how i felt
last year i was cutting
every single day
slice
after slice
last today i was praised
because i can hold it all in
and i dont hurt myself
with the razor
as often as i did
last week i found a lighter
and held it to my skin
i don't remember for how long
but the burn is still there
and even though the euphoria subsided
the stench
of burnt flesh
is still fresh
in my memory

The dripping of blood stolen by the blade
Tears streaming down her cheeks and rolling off her face
Flesh splitting open with just one slice
"Next time," she cries, "next time will be the last time."
But the truth is she doesn't really want to die
She just can't stand to live with the pain that she's in
The pain, the torture that only she can end
The next time she presses down even harder, heart beating fast
She counts down from ten and pulls the blade across her skin
The world around her growing dim
If only they would've cared
If only someone had been there
The reality of it all is sad to say the least
But the girl left there to bleed would surely disagree
She got exactly what she wanted - the end to her constant grief
Darkness destroyed by darkness, a soul at last put to peace...

I don't drive down the middle
Of a back road with no name
On a dark night in the pouring rain.
I don't skip meals for days on end
Well, maybe I do,
But not as often as I used to.
I don't lay in bed staring at pills
That I know could end it
If I took one too many
And I don't question
How much "too many" is
That's mostly because
I already know the answer
But it's still progress.
The scars are fading
And my skin doesn't burn so much
Anymore, in fact
Its grown numb over the years.
And that's a nice change
Compared to the pain
Of wanting to end it
But knowing there is something to live for.
It was never because I felt
That I had no purpose
Or that you would be better of without me.
You were right when you said
That I was purely selfish
For wanting to go.
My reasons were simple,
I was so ******* tired
And as I glance towards the gun
Quick enough that you will never notice the longing that lingers in my eyes
I realize
I still ******* am.