Flash of a camera goes off and I rush into the shadows, because the picture will look all wrong if I am in it.
Conversations circle my head aimlessly, all connected by a single thread that has slipped from my grasp.
A game of cards that I watch from the sidelines.
Memories are made in front of me and I cannot have a slice of them—they are not mine.
I was there, but they are not mine.
Because you smile when I wave
and I laugh at jokes that I don’t fully understand
and we complain, compliment, communicate,
but you are a stranger to me.
I am a stranger to you.
You, polished jade stone in vicious waters,
yet the waves yield to you
and your iridescence
and all of your beautiful stone companions. I am a pebble who gets caught
in the tide, too desolate to swim back to shore, too afraid to join you in the deep.
I cannot stop fighting the current.
There is no hope for me if I do,
for I will sink, settle on the sandy floor with my back arched and my hands shaking
and join my fellow forsaken, solidified into a gritty brick of aching bones and broken spirits.
I will no longer be your burden. I will be something you do not bother to look at twice.
You will float above me with nothing to haunt you.
But even as I am fighting the current all my life
I am still dissolving
bit by bit.
As though I am destined to fade away no matter how hard I try to stay.

Some people can't understand.
Some people don't understand yet.
And some people refuse to understand.
But just like it's not your job
to prove people wrong,
the burden doesn't fall on you
to make them understand.
Focus on the people who do support you
and understand.
Because you should never have to defend
how you live your life.

.
”If you are to love,
love freely and unburdened
by the tombstones
of past miscalculated regrets.”

But the heart
inadvertently beats
to the mismatched rhythms
of a hundred
caged doves’ wings.

rain falls on roof tops
acid desecrates energy in the air
rain falls onto us
sprinkling in your hair
we look perfect
skin soft
deflection corrupts meaning
but the acid obliterates any sign of fear
pain that we bear is nothing for vanity
gasping for a breath to see past depression
bear the burden of self awareness with me
move forward
lovely words to follow
we mean them dearly
insert our minds into perfect reality

I’m hanging off a building
that I’d decided not to jump
now I’m wishing I was thinner
not so heavy or as plump
for the weight in my belly
is now heavier than in my head
yet it’s hard to hold on, I know
for a man whose well fed
this change of heart in me
has me cursing on the edge
a change of mind, I fear
is too late on the ledge
sure, the worlds a little heavy
now thinking of all the food
all the meals and the delicacy
I wish I’d never chewed
If a little had I to nibble
I’d be much lighter now
yes, I’d have cheated death
and still hold on somehow
but now these greasy fat fingers
which held once a burger or two
are hardly hanging on
and now are slipping through
oh the life I’d give to live
a chance to change my mind
to find some strength, to weave
to push up and to climb
with only one hope now
in sweets, thats kept me alive
just to hang in there or let go
maybe bounce back and survive