Salt filled orbs, refusing to fall.
Locked behind a dam, they silently call.
For release, for freedom, for sweet escape.
But they are held captive, in an unbreakable shape.

A hurting heart, a broken Soul
Feelings too deep, to ever be told.
Eyes that deceive, a smile that hides.
The pain that is within, forever resides.

The tears that don't fall, leave an endless ache.
A burning sensation, that no one can shake.
They swim in our eyes, but refuse to spill.
As we hold them back, against our will.

I realized something about myself,
That wasn't what it seemed to be.
I can whether any circumstance,
I'll make it through and be just fine,
No matter what.
And I found such relief in that moment -
Assurance, solace, peace.
Then more time passed, and passed, and passed,
And now I can only laugh and grit my teeth
Thinking back on my own naivety.
Because now I know what it really means,
I will never see the end - never see the light.
I'll just carry on and on and on,
And it builds up inside, so quickly
Too quickly.
And it's so ******* heavy, actually
And I am just so ******* tired
Of all this ******* trudging.

Justice denied
for another mind of my kind.

It hurts so much to see
the abuse over time.

It's a burden we carry
against our will.

Our hurt is an expectation
we can never fulfill.

But overcoming our "shortcomings"
is what strengthens us.

Our obstacles
are our only path.

Our unique efforts,
the only way to success.

Effort is success.
And success is being free.
And freedom is just being
the kind we were born to be.

Forsaken Kingdom
Lord of the Silver Ashes
Minding His New Herd

Nothing happens and as long as I'm sedated nothing can go about it's way blissfully

I can't stand to live another day across from you
But you know where I am if you need a place to stay

I've mistaken my killer for my twin before
And the aftermath is me left alone to answer:
What else have I got to lose?

Dart your eyes to the floor and keep them
there when you see me passing.
I don't bask in your fear, don't misunderstand me, I want the best for you that much has never changed
  nor will it ever

You just owe me as much to carry the burden of knowing me beyond skindeep head on lap fingers claw thru my hair cancelling out the noise nextroom and lets me think I could sleep if I wanted to,

Who'd you think you are to tell others I was never grateful?
My grace is all I've had for a while and that's what's been the matter
With or without you there to add and take away from me in that state
or parading as some other,
We both did it it's only human infact when we stopped imitating it was only right for us to fall apart

You take my silence as anger and consider yourself victorious
Baby I know you as well as you know me
We'd still be best of friends if you'd kept your shoes on,we both know that; but how can you expect forgiveness and for me to be thankful for you
Saying you forgive me
I'd be less stunned if you slapped me baby
I figured you out long before we gave up speaking then became you in your absence just to impersonate your company
Is that not a white flag being swayed by a dying captain?
Shame shame shame cast for all nearby spirits to observe and laugh at
if they so pleased

I bite my teeth and stomp my feet but nothing ever changes

I'm not here to judge your perspective
We were in the same place but our childhoods were different
We saw and felt different things
It's not a bad word, it's the way we perceived and lived through everything

We may have been in the same places,
but couldn't see through each other's faces.
We both had our bad experiences
and found ways to get through them

It's been so hard for me to let go
but after we spoke I think I finally know,
I can't do the work for you,
You have to want to evolve for you.

I can't tell you every story I have
and believe you'll understand where I stand or where I've stood,
You have your own desk where you'll write your book
Although it hurt, because I had so much hope.

You preached so much to me about how we should be close-
You told me how you wished for a relationship to grow,
You said I never shared, never asked and never cared.
I feel like I tried so much but your words make me feel unaware.

It hurt when you told me I hide,
Probably because there's some truth to it,
that hurt me deeply inside.
I have masked around our family for as long as I can remember.

I learned so early that I wasn't what was wanted
I was only loved when I went along and nodded
I always agreed, except for when I couldn't
I'd say no to things to avoid the acting

I hated that I had to be a certain way
To stay free of your judgement
I couldn't wear the shoes I wanted,
or play the songs I liked in the car without hearing your homophobic comments

Having to become every expectation
It is how I have lived for so long
I'm so burnt out now
and I finally don't have to be strong.

I went along with it to avoid the uncomfortable feelings I had,
Every time I would have to be around you
I put up with things I should've never had to.
I'm talking about your husband putting your cat on my face when I was asleep and he knew I was allergic.

The more I reflect, the more I see it
Everything you've projected on me
To avoid your own feelings
The clothes, the music, the comments, the expectation of who you wanted me to be-

I'm sorry you feel like you can't keep growing
Now that you're older and have your own family
It must be so painful to be stagnant
When you want to fly with sunflowers

I hate that I make you feel negatively
and there's nothing I can say to help you
I tried the hardest I could to be honest
and because I did my best, I am now free of my mask of burdens

I’ll enjoy the sunset while you’re gone
I’ll enjoy my evenings humming alone
I’ll cherish the buzzing bees and the butterflies in my lawn
I don’t need to yearn
I don’t need to worry
I am in stasis not determined
I am freedom not burden
so I write the song that we sing along
I’ll enjoy your company when you come
I’ll cherish every fingerprint that you left on my heart
I don’t need to strive
I don’t need to worry
I am in stasis not determined