No use to fight the bloodshot eyes
Stained from the tears I cry
And Your love that is seeming to die

I sit

Light?
I need none,  just wanna feel a buzz


Yet nobody kills the high of your lust better than you
That pedestal I put you on has sky scraped my heart raw
Yet the pain keeps me wanting fix
Fistfuls of tears and hate we ****** at each other
Burning our trust
Til the smoke exhausts us
Time stops and forgiveness is brought
I love you’s and fantasies are from silent thoughts to passionate exchanges
We seal our soon to be broken promises with a kiss
A pattern so sweet my tongue can’t seem to keep itself off of you

The rain could never drown me, for I stand beneath you
My umbrella
Beholding patches
Exposing the brisk to my lips
Cheeks would be stained red if I was a shade of pale
Embarrassed,
To be seen trapped within this thing of sorts which you call love

And sometimes when I'm with him I have to do a double take because the words that spill out of his mouth are the same words that fell off the tip of your tongue. Sometimes he reminds me of you and in those moments I feel as though I'm suffocating and I just wish you would release your grip on me. I'm trying to move on but I'm too afraid of making the same mistake twice. So when he opens his mouth and your  words fall off of his tongue, I'm scared of what we could become. I'm scared that he's going to be exactly like you and I refuse to put myself through that again- especially not after I've spent so much time rebuilding every wall I let you knock down. My walls are thicker now and I don't know how to let anyone in. I'm scared of loving someone again and having them turn out to be like you. And the worst part is it's not fair to him that I can't let him in.  It's not his fault I can't have a conversation about dating without feeling like I can't breathe. It's not his fault that having other people acknowledge the fact that we have a thing makes me want to end everything and run in the opposite direction. And it's not his fault that he deserves the world and I just don't think I can give it to him. It's my fault because I look at him and I see a glimpse of how i could get trapped in yet another toxic relationship.

And then it happened.
I came face to face with my ex.
Not much has changed from the last time we spoke.
When I was younger there use to be a sense of grief.
That somewhat odd feeling that overshadowed everything good in my life.
Suddenly watching the clouds go from bright white to a dull gray.
I hated thunderstorms back then.
I'd like to think that I've learned a lot sense then though.
Watching her eyeball me with a sense of curiosity.
Slowly learning the fact that I seemed to be doing a lot better without her.
You know those looks that reveal a lot without so much as a word being said.
She had plenty of those, often catching herself in mid sentence.
Her naturally low cut eyes now lower.
I wouldn't actually describe her as being a addition or nowhere close to a binge.
But more so one of those random nights you get hammered and wake up the next morning trying to figure out what happened.
No not at all. Again I am being modest.
If anything she was one of those drinks with a acquired taste.
The kind of drink someone offers you in attempt to try something new and though it tastes bad you still drink it out of generosity as it was a kind gesture.
Not at all stating that she was a bad person. No she was very sweet.
In fact I am glad that I had opportunity to bump into her again.
But a lot of time has elapsed sense then.
And seeing how time works I am no longer the same person.
Though I must admit,
First seeing her I was a bit puzzled, as those dark clouds that normally follow were nowhere to be seen.
Nor the crackling of a long drawn out bolt of lightening.
Both probably caught in traffic, Arguing over which came first.
If anything, she knew I had a high tolerance as far as drinks are concerned.
But again I am being corrigible.
Yet, this time I didn't miss the exit sign on my way out the door as normally I'd walk pass it twelve times, mistaking it for something else.
In a strange twist we neither dismissed each other nor omitted each others presence.
I walked out the door, while she was busy finishing what was left of her fiancee

you are the shining sun. he was the dark nigh.

i am the stars.

and the sun and the stares dont go together,
because the stars cant shine when its daytime.
he let her shine unlike you did.

-Desirea Fox

Fight after fight
Testosterone and rebellion
Then a few hours of peaceful, play-pretend
But I know things
Things you don't know I know
You wait til late to begin again
You see, our wall is paper thin

2 am
You say it's a hunting game
Although I see she's your aim

Boy, you're worth so much more
Yet you've stooped down several levels
Don't listen to the devils

3am
She's not just a friend
I'm waiting to hear you say
"Thee end"

Young man, you've started  digging where I already dug a tunnel
And once it starts caving
There's no way to funnel the regret

4am
don't pick the floor
Your choices they've been so poor

Bud, you've got a huge life ahead of you
This path could ruin it
Don't let her pull you with a bit

I don't want to see you fall to pieces in a heap
Don't cash yourself as cheap
Little brother
Please, get some sleep

I can't make conversation
But I can make art you won't appreciate
I'll stay quiet
You'll hate me for it
You'll kiss me
And I'll hold your frozen hand
It's not love
But your body keeps me warm