It's never a good time to change,
because to change I must give up the conformity.

Evolving is like riding
a horse that dips.
All regrets left at the curb,
new routines set in place.
I must choose: the American dream
or giving in to desire.
The ride will be a blurb
if I dare to look back.
I found a path down this maze.
I can feel it in my gut,
the bittersweet taste
of success.

Kiss me.
Afraid.
Inhale,
Become brave.
Stumble,
Go black.
Held up,
Hold back.
Focus,
Exert control.
Soft,
Nice and slow.
Stumble,
Sit down.
Stare
At his face.
Listen
To his goals.
Smile,
Wide and whole.
Feel,
Sense,
And experience.
Connect,
Speak,
Connect,
Speak.
Surrender control,
Stay aware.
Kindness,
Soft hair.
Guiding,
Patient.
Confidence
Over time.
Dominance,
Willing submission.
Exhilarating
Texture,
Taste,
Sounds.
Please,
Be pleased.
Crave,
Fulfill.
Bittersweet,
Pleased.
Finish,
Be here.
Break,
Converse.
Check,
Anxiety.
Sight
Lost to the past.
Pulling,
Bringing me back.
Relocate,
Feeling safe.
Restarting
The pace.
Deep,
Heaving.
Swirl,
Roughly,
Quickening,
Teasing,
Pleasing.
Finish,
Appalled.
Reversal,
Asphyxiation.
Lost,
Feeling everything.
Friction,
Gasps of pleasure.
Move,
Feeling in the walls.
Hard
To be quiet.
Resettle,
Somehow confident.
Place,
Move.
Pain,
Pleasure.
Repetition,
Support.
Control,
Entirely lost.
Resettle,
Pain felt.
Pain
Overwhelms.
Suffocating
Small noise.
Enjoyment,
Do what I'm told.
Resettle,
Feeling alive.
Finish,
Still unfinished.
Mindless,
Proud.
Settle,
Lie down.
Drift
Away.
Feeling
Hope for new things.

I am afraid right now.
I have gotten attached.
I have latched onto him,
And I don't know if he has latched onto me.
Scientifically,
When people do these things,
The women are known to develop romantic connections faster.
Which means he might not feel anything for me,
Than my physicality.
I am afraid he will leave me right after this,
Even though he witnessed a breakdown,
Where I went back in time,
Because someone left me.
Will he hold onto me
Like I hold onto him?
I guess we will see,
But hopefully.
I want to belong to him,
Even if I can't come to love myself.

Dear future,

Time and I aren’t friends
We aren’t lovers
Yet I can’t live without it
I’m always falling off an edge
I’m sure you are too
The clock ticks louder
Every time I look for you
You, the future.
You wait at every corner
I chase you
But can never catch up
I’m always stuck in the present
As I dream of you
Sometimes you keep me up at night
Because I’m thinking,
Tirelessly exhausted.
I let time break me piece by piece
As I chase after the stars
And stand under the shadow
Of your relentless timing
Waiting for you
Anticipating...

Anticipation
To see you
Excitement
Overflows
My heart
It swells
At the thought of you

my insides may curl up like sails in a storm
but my heart is the flag, unafraid to be torn.

Waiting for you is like
Being the passenger on a bus next to the window seat.
No matter how crowed it gets.
No matter the amount of stops the driver makes.
Being next to the window is the best seat.
Viewing the world inside out.
The nooks & crannies, a part of you that is rarely seen.
Being the passenger
Lost in thought.
Waiting for you gives a certain sensation.
The sensation that there is something to be had,
building great anticipation.
Giving a chance to sit back & reflect.
Thinking the thought of maybe if not this stop.
Maybe it's the next when the driver finally hits the air brakes.
Being the passenger next to the window.
Viewing the world inside out.
The nooks & crannies, a part of you that is rarely
seen.
But eventually every bus has to make it's last stop.
No matter how long the ride